Enidranut777

稿——Tuna



Alright, come on in, have a seat. Officers Wallach, Friedman, congratulations on graduating from the academy. Sergeant Bickell, I’m pleased you were able to transfer from Milwaukee. Usually we wouldn’t see so many new faces, but we finally fixed a computer error that wouldn’t let a bunch of our guys retire. Kept pushing the date forward a day.
好吧,都进来,找个位子坐下。Wallach警官,Friedman警官,祝贺你们完成学业。Sergeant Bickell,很高兴你能从Milwaukee那调任过来。本来我们很难看见这么多新面孔,但后来我们总算是修好了一个电脑错误,那错误会经常性地把日期往前挪一天,导致我们的好多老伙计都退不了休。

Still, it’s good to have you three. Hopefully you’ll make good time in the Sloth’s Pit PD. I’m not going to say its quiet, but violent crime is pretty low, and as for the rest… you’ll get used to it.
那么,很高兴你们三位能上任。希望你们在斯洛斯皮特警察部门一切顺利。我不是说什么活都没有,但是这里的暴力犯罪率真的非常的低,其它的么……你们会习惯的。

This is going to be kind of an informal seminar, and you’ll be in several of these over the next couple of weeks. If we tried to put together slideshows and do all the paperwork, the staties would laugh us out of the building. Still, you’re probably going to run into this stuff at some point, so you might as well know.
接下来我们要开场非正式的研讨会,而且你们接下来几周还要参加好几次。

Today, I’m talking about time travel. Yeah, yuk it up. I’ll wait.
现在,我要讲一讲关于时间旅行的事情。好吧,尽情地笑吧。我等你们。

Yes, I’m serious. We ready?
是的,我是认真的。准备好了吗?

Alright. We’ve generally got two kinds of issues with time travel. The first, and arguably the easiest, is the Tourists. Sometimes, we get people from elsewhere. Past, future, whatever. Most of the time, they’re just passing through, or have to do something symbolic, like the Ojibwe hunting party that wandered through the Thanksgiving parade last year. Sometimes, though, they get rowdy, or a bunch of rednecks in a low-rider UFO decide they’re going to rip off Dean’s Doughnuts for our hilarious monopoly money. Either way, we get the pleasure of dealing with it.
好吧。关于时间旅行,我们大致分成了两种情况。第一种情况,一般来说也是最好解决的,就是游客。有的时候,我们这会出现一些来自别处的人。过去的,未来的,哪都有。大部分情况下,他们只是路过,顶多做些象征性的事,比如在去年感恩节游行的时候搞的Ojibwe狩猎派对,或者一帮开着改装UFO的乡巴佬,琢磨着怎么垄断Dean甜甜圈,敲我们一笔竹杠。总之呢,这种情况处理起来还挺有意思的。

You get called in on Tourists, there are three rules. First, stay in cover. I don’t care if it’s a lance or a phaser gun, your vest ain’t gonna stop shit. Second rule is, stick to less-than-lethals. Even if they've got a forcefield, they still gotta breathe. Pepper spray if you can get close, CS gas canisters if it comes down to that. We keep a riot gun in every squad car, courtesy of the US Army. Still working on getting an MRAP.
在处理游客的时候,你有三条准则要遵守。第一条,保证自己在掩护下。不论是长矛还是相位枪,你的防弹背心是挡不住那些狗屎玩意的。第二条,坚持不致死原则。就算有力场盾,他们还是得呼吸。能近身的话就用胡椒喷雾,有必要的话就用催泪瓦斯。每辆警车里都放着一把防暴枪,由美国陆军提供。防雷车还在努力申请中。

Third rule, and this sticks in general, trust the eggheads. If you get to a Tourist call and there are already a bunch of dudes in hazmat gear and cheap suits, or if a bunch of vans labeled "S & C Plastics" pull up mid-incident, be polite. They don't usually bring much firepower, but they're still the cavalry. Don't worry too much about calling them either, they monitor all our frequencies for weird shit. Well, weirder shit.
第三条,也是绝对要遵守的一条,相信那些书呆子。假如你去处理游客事件的时候,发现那里已经站着一群穿着防化装备和便宜衬衫的家伙,或者有一堆标着“S&C塑料”的卡车停在事故地点中心,放尊重点。他们一般不会携带太多火力,但他们仍然是装甲部队。也别不好意思呼叫他们,反正他们一直都在监听我们的频道。

Once you’ve got a Tourist in custody, things are still pretty complicated. For the most part, they’re either long dead or haven’t been born yet, so they’re not technically… people, legally speaking. What we’ve generally found to work is, try to recover anything they’ve stolen or make amends for damages, then throw them in the drunk tank. If you’re lucky, by the morning they’ll have disappeared back to whenever, and it’s not your problem anymore. If you get some kind of time cop or old-timey marshal show up to collect them, just go with it. It’s easier than trying to book them.

Your second variety are the Fixers, and they’re a pain in the ass. These are perpetrators who think they can go back and fix whatever they did to get caught. God knows how they do it. There’s a well by an abandoned farm off County Road 18 that’s the most likely candidate. If you stare hard enough into it, sometimes you get one chance to go back and fix your biggest regret. We keep that thing boarded up, though, and they still keep coming somehow.

The good thing about the Fixers is, time travel doesn’t make perps any smarter. You might lose leads, but usually while they’re going around picking up the murder weapon, they leave just as much evidence the second time through. If you find a crime scene with five separate sets of footprints, all from the same pair of shoes, you’re probably dealing with a Fixer. If there’s no evidence whatsoever, it’s probably a ghost. That’s another story.

Fixers, you can usually deal with by sticking to procedure. Find and document all your leads, do good detective work, and, most importantly, do not share case details with anyone outside of the department. You say nothing to the press, nothing to your family, nothing to your shrink, nothing to God in heaven; no one. The day you go back to the evidence locker to find an empty box and a stinging headache, you’ll learn.

We had one guy accidentally mention a dropped wallet in a press conference, and poof, it was gone. Migraines for everyone who happened to have the TV going, and a nasty call from the mayor. Not good for your career. You keep your lips zipped and your case files tight until we ship the whole thing off to the DA. Hopefully, after that, the perp’ll be too busy stamping license plates in Dodge to gin up a time machine.

Alright, I think that’s about enough for now. As I said, we’re real glad to have you two on the force. Good to have some new officers. First things first, why don’t you two take a squad car over to County Road 18. Seems like someone’s kicked the boards off that damn well.

I’m gonna go find some Advil, I feel a migraine coming on.



Joey Fucknuts Builds a Flying Machine
乔伊·操蛋造了架飞行机器
http://www.scp-wiki.net/joey-fucknuts-builds-a-flying-machine
作者:CadaverCommanderCadaverCommander
译者:Tunardine777Tunardine777

翻译发布于:http://scp-wiki-cn.wikidot.com/joey-fucknuts-builds-a-flying-machine
翻译开始时间:05 Apr 2018
翻译发布时间:10 Apr 2018

除非特别注明,本页内容采用以下授权方式: Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 License