Better Dead生不如死
blank博士 Lillihammer博士 mcdoctorate博士 Sokolsky博士 值守43 故事 后启示录
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Something sent him careening into a wall as he ran, and he barely noticed. A sharp pain in his shoulder as he bounced back off the tiles, and all he did was shift his momentum and keep going. He'd had an awful, terrible thought. A lurid image in his mind he couldn't dismiss. An intrusive—
什么东西让他冲向了墙，他没怎么注意到。他撞上瓷砖，肩膀上传来一阵剧痛，但他只是转了个向继续跑。他有个可怕至极的想法。脑海中恐怖的画面让他无法忽视。侵入的——
It was real.
是真的。
The doors to the lab yawned open, and beyond, there it was. The Cannon.
实验室的门开了，它就在门后。大炮。
And there he was.
他也在门后。
Dougall lay in a heap on the floor, having apparently slid off the desk where he'd first fallen; that much Place could surmise from the streak of blood, and the smear from the occultist's eyes which ran into his beard.
Dougall摊在地上，显然先倒在桌上，又滑了下来；Place根据那一串血迹，以及神秘学家脸上从眼睛到胡子都沾着血推测出来的。
"I," said Place. And then he saw Alis, crouched in the corner, pressing her face to the wall and hiding in a shroud of hair. "He…?"
“我，”Place说。接着他看见了蜷在墙角的Alis，她把脸埋在墙角，头发披散着盖住了全身。“他……？”
She didn't respond.
她没有回答。
The Cannon was steaming and still spinning down. Place hadn't built in a dead man's switch, so that could only mean the power reserve had been depleted, which in turn could only mean the geothaumic plant had expended its priceless fuel. Assuming it hadn't exploded, or turned into chickens, or whatever the hell else was going on out there. He could hear it, backgrounding her sobs and his own heavy breathing.
大炮还热着，正缓缓停止旋转。Place还没给大炮设置人死自动停机，所以这只可能是因为电源耗尽了，也就是说，奇术地热发电机用尽了那无价的燃料。前提是它没爆炸，或者变成一群鸡，或者鬼知道发生了什么。屏蔽她的啜泣与自己沉重的呼吸后，他能听见。
And then he could only hear his breathing.
随后他只能听见自己的呼吸了。
And then he found himself on his knees in front of the Cannon. It was giving off waves of heat, and whirring faintly. Fainter. Fainter.
再然后他发现自己跪倒在大炮前。大炮散发出一股股热浪，还有低低的嗡鸣声。越来越低。
"I killed him?"
“我杀了他？”
"No," Alis croaked.
“不是，”Alis沙哑地说。
"The Cannon—"
“大炮——”
"No."
“不是。”
She stood up, slowly, very slowly, and left trails in the air as she went. There was a haze in the room, and an additional ruddy outline around everything. Place couldn't even remember the last time he'd taken the drops…
她很慢很慢地站起来，在空中留下一串残迹。房间里雾蒙蒙的，一切都多了一层红色边框。Place都不记得上次没滴眼药水……
"He used you." Alis was facing him now, but her face was still curtained. Only the faint puffs of air as she spoke revealed the contours of her lips. "He used us all, to do this."
“他利用了你。”Alis面朝向他，但头发还是遮着脸。唯有说话时吐出的气流能指示她的嘴在何处。“他利用了我们所有人，就为了做这事。”
Place reached out to touch the Cannon's mount, to feel the final vibrations as it closed the loop between now and then.
Place伸手扶住大炮的底座，感受它扣上这时与那时的循环最后的震颤。
"I don't think I see the distinction," he said, and then he curled up in a ball beneath the silent, perhaps permanently silent deus ex machina, and attempted to cry without tears.
“我看不出有什么区别，”他说，倚着那沉默的——也许会永远沉默的机械降神蜷成一团，试图不流泪地哭泣。
Amelia arrived… eventually. An amount of time later. Alis was standing over him by then, offering nothing. Place was clutching at the Cannon supports, breaking fingernail after fingernail on the flaking metal. He wasn't sure why he looked up when the other woman entered. Maybe he was hoping she would tell him it had all been a terrible, terrible dream.
Amelia到了……最后到了。过了一段时间之后。那时Alis站在他身边，无动于衷。Place紧抓着大炮支架，在刮花的金属上弄折了一片又一片指甲。他不确定自己为什么会在另一个女人进来时抬头。也许他渴望她能告诉他这只是一场糟糕透顶的噩梦。
She ignored the body on the floor, and crouched beside… well. The second body on the floor. "What happened to your shoulder?"
她无视地上的躯体，蹲在……好吧。另一具地上的躯体边。“你肩膀怎么了？”
He looked where she was looking. Blood seeped through his labcoat. "I don't know."
他循着她的视线看去，血从他的实验袍里渗了出来。“我不知道。”
She thumbed the radio at her belt. "Priority 1 in the Cannon lab."
她一按腰带上的对讲机。“大炮实验室，第一优先级。”
Forsythe's voice responded: "Confirm 1?"
Forsythe回应：“确认第一？”
"Confirmed."
“确认。”
"On my way."
“来了。”
Perhaps it was listening to the cryptic conversation that brought his senses slowly back. If so, he wished he hadn't done it. There was something ringing in the corridor outside; the door was still open, and he could hear the echoes. Call and response. Voices calling out.
也许听到这加密对话慢慢唤回了他的知觉。如果是的话，他希望这是假的。有东西在外面的走廊里响；门还开着，他能听见回声。呼唤与回应。大喊的声音。
"What?" he managed.
“那？”他勉强开口。
Amelia glanced up at the frosted, non-reflective glass that had replaced the lab windows, and grimaced. "'…is that'?" She pointed at Dougall's splayed corpse. "Probably a reaction to that."
Amelia抬头看向实验室窗户上不反光的磨砂玻璃，神情痛苦。“……是什么？”她指向Dougall四仰八叉的尸体。“也许是响应这个。”
Alis was still looming over them both, swaying in place, hair hanging limp over her features. She was clutching an envelope in her hand. It had been torn open. She held it out in front of her, stared at it, then looked at the body like she hadn't really seen it until now.
Alis依然俯视着两人，原地摇摆着，头发软趴趴地遮着脸。她紧紧攥着一个信封。信封拆开了。她把信封举在面前，死死瞪着，然后像第一次注意到一样看向尸体。
She dropped it on the floor. It landed beside Place, and he reached to pick it up.
她松手扔下信封，它落在Place身边，他捡了起来。
"How bad?" said yet another woman's voice, from the door, as he pulled out the letter and scanned its contents at a squint.
“有多严重？”又一个女人的声音从门口传来，而他扯出信纸，眯眼扫了一遍。
"Bad enough."
“够严重的。”
Place had no idea what Amelia was talking about. He was still reading the letter.
Place完全不知道Amelia在说什么。他还在读信。
Billie Forsythe knelt in front of him, gently elbowing Amelia out of the way. "Let me see that." She reached for his shoulder, and he shifted on the floor to keep the swimming words in view.
Billie Forsythe跪倒他身前，轻轻推开Amelia。“让我看看。”她伸手按了按他肩膀，他在地上挪着，好看清文字。
"Does it hurt when I do this?" the doctor asked.
“我按的时候疼吗？”医生问。
"What," Place began, and Forsythe was about to repeat her question when he ended the sentence with "an asshole."
“什么，”Place开口，Forsythe正要再问一遍，他说完了：“大混蛋。”
1987年
8月
哈特福德：美国，康涅狄格州，哈特福德县
He stared up at the ceiling, listening to the uneven wheezing from across the room, and silently willed his brother to die.
他凝视着天花板，听着房间对面不稳的呼噜声，默默希望他弟弟去死。
And then, in a heartbeat, took it back.
然后刹那间收回了这个想法。
The space of that beat would haunt him for the rest of the night. He wouldn't sleep a wink.
这一瞬间足以惊扰他一整夜。他一秒也不会睡。
It wouldn't stop him from showing his brother's report card to their parents. It wouldn't stop him from shaking the little brat on the street corner, and absconding with his friends. It wouldn't make any appreciable difference in their interactions for the rest of the week.
这无法阻止他把弟弟的成绩单拿给父母看。这无法阻止他在街角捉弄这小屁孩，然后与朋友们逃之夭夭。这不会让他们在接下来一周中的相处模式有什么可喜的变化。
But he wouldn't forget the lump in his throat, either.
但他也忘不了心里的疙瘩。
The next time Phil snored, Dougall would wait in mortal terror for the intrusive thought to return. He was already preparing to deny it. To spend another night doing nothing but denying it, over and over and over again, in what should have been the safety of his own mind.
下次Phil再打呼噜，Dougall会在极度恐惧中静待那想法再次侵入。他准备好抵抗了。又一晚翻来覆去抵抗，抵抗本应安全的自己的思想。
Because on the slight chance anything was listening, he needed it to hear how he really felt.
因为哪怕只有万分之一的可能有东西在听，他也要它听见他的真实感受。
It was hours before anyone thought to check the ruins of AAF-D.
过了几个小时，才有人想起来去查看AAF-D的废墟。
They would have looked sooner, if Mukami had been able to speak with Radcliffe. But she hadn't, and he'd been raving, and she'd tranquilized him. Before he hurt anyone.
如果Mukami能跟Radcliffe说话，他们本来会更早去看的。但她说不了，而他在发疯，她药倒了他。以免他伤到别人。
They couldn't sustain any more casualties tonight.
他们今晚承受不起更多伤亡了。
001-A had thrust the bone-tipped ends of his hands through an almost fully opaque floor to score deep gashes in Agent Moradi's boots, socks, and feet. It was heads or tails if she'd ever walk again. He had half-manifested on Technician Jusić's eyes — she was still ten minutes early for her opacity treatment — and she'd been blind for the rest of her life. His face was on every unsuspected reflective surface in the facility, not singing his brother's praises but screaming, screaming, screaming. Nowhere seemed safe.
001-A从一片几乎完全不反光的地板上用他手上的骨刺捅了Moradi特工和的鞋和双脚好几下。她以后能不能走路要看运气了(？)。他在Jusic技术员的眼睛上略微显现——她离眼药水失效还有十分钟——她此生再也看不见了。他的脸出现在站点每一处未曾设想的反光表面上，却没有赞扬他哥哥，而在尖叫，尖叫，不停尖叫。似乎到处都不安全。
The unbound effluence was worse than before. Whole offices had been melted. Labs were upside-down. The long-absent creatures in containment were back, and they'd come back even more wrong. Gwilherm and Mukami had to press the techs and some of the researchers into action just to hold back the tide long enough for the I&T skeleton crew to get the bulkhead doors shut, with their scrambled circuits and wiped permissions.
不受约束的溢流比以前还要糟糕。好几个办公室融化。实验室上下颠倒。早已消失的收容物回归，回来的样子更不对劲了。Gwilherm与Mukami不得不逼迫技术员甚至一些研究员去压制这股浪潮，给I&T的骨干人员争取时间关上隔板门，因为他们的线路都乱成了一团，而且权限被注销了。
Nhung Ngo appeared out of nowhere, hollow-eyed and near-catatonic, in the middle of Operations Control, and when Placeholder pointed at her and shouted "Look!" she burst into tears so pure they might have come straight from a newborn child. Beside her, one of the consoles was operating itself.
Nhung Ngo在控制中心凭空凭空出现，目光空洞、神色紧张，而当Placeholder指向她，大喊一声：“看！”她流出了新生儿般纯净的泪水。他身边的一个控制台无人操控却动了起来。
And everything, absolutely everything was ringing, thrumming, dancing with a redder light than ever.
一切都叮铃哐啷地随着比之前还要红的光芒舞动。
Small wonder, in the midst of all that, nobody thought to venture through the airlock, open up the red-hot door of the concentration cell and see if there was anything inside.
如此一来，没人想到穿过气闸门，去打开浓缩室红热的门，看看里面有什么也就不足为奇了。
Five hours later, when someone finally did, it was only because the residual explosions of esoteric energy had calmed down enough for the polite knocking from within to be audible, reverberating through the thick and cooling steel.
五小时后，有人去看也仅仅是因为奥秘能量的爆炸规模小了，浓缩室中客气的敲击声终于穿透了凉下来的厚重钢板，能让人听见。
Ambrogi spun the locking mechanism with a pair of insulated clamps, then pulled the door open to reveal Director Lillian Lillihammer and Dr. Harold Blank, shell shocked, tear-streaked and filthy, huddled together on the pitch-black/red concrete.
Ambrogi用一把隔热钳拧开了锁定装置，拉开门，放出了Lillian Lillihammer主管与Harold Blank博士。他们恐慌不已、泪流满面、浑身肮脏，他们依偎着彼此，缩在红黑相间的混凝土上。
"Tell Radcliffe his directions were excellent," Lillian croaked. "But he needs to work on answering the damn phone."
“跟Radcliffe说他路指得很好，”Lillian哑着嗓子说。“但他得好好接电话。”
Reuben examined the man on the other side of the table like he was a document that might be read. Like they wouldn't even need to converse for him to tell the truth or falsehood of what was being purported.
Reuben审视着桌对面的男人，就像在读一份文档。仿佛他们无需交谈，他就会说出传言是真是假。
Like Harold Blank was a text whose author was dead.
仿佛Harold Blank是一段作者已死的文字。
"You're wondering what we were doing in F-D," Blank suggested.
“你在想我们去F-D是干什么，”Blank猜测。
Reuben was not wondering that. That didn't make any sense at all. He nodded anyway.
Reuben没在想这个。想这个一点道理也没有。他还是点头了。
"Something pulled us in." Harry shuddered. "Not physically. Mentally. We just… knew where we needed to be, and that was inside the refinery. Maybe we thought we could help."
“有什么拉我们进去。”Harry耸耸肩。“不是实实在在地拉。心理上的牵拉感。我们就是……知道我们应该在哪里，应该在消解厂里。也许我们觉得可以帮上忙。”
"Help," Reuben repeated, as an alternative to engaging with the statement.
“帮上忙，”Reuben用复述代替对话。
"Right. I don't know. It must have been some consequence of the breach. But we stood beside the ghosts, and we ran through our parts, as before. It felt like…" He squeezed his eyes shut, for a moment. His attention thus directed, Reuben looked at them closely when they reopened. The surface of the lens was matte. He couldn't remember whether Billie had applied the drops or not, which, come to think of it, was a massive oversight on his part. He should do something about that.
“没错。我也不确定。一定是突破导致的。但我们身边都是鬼魂。我们像之前一样走完了我们的流程。感觉……”他紧紧闭了一会儿眼。这下Reuben回过神来，在他睁开眼的时候与他对视。对方的眼睛没有反光。他不记得Billie有没有给他滴眼药水，现在想来，是他太过疏忽了。他应该做点什么。
"It felt like," Reuben prompted.
“感觉，”Reuben引导着。
Harry gave him a strange look. "It felt like it wasn't really happening. Not just that, but it wasn't really us. Just… I don't know. A pantomime." He winced, the way people did these days when their eyes wanted to generate tears but their new biology thwarted the response. "I was with them again, Reuben. Standing next to them. They were alive again, and I didn't feel anything. Can you imagine what that feels like now?"
Harry奇怪地看了他一眼。“感觉很不真实。不对，是感觉不是真正的我们。就……我不知道。像舞台剧。”他缩瑟了一下，如今人们想流泪，但用新本能抑制住时就会这样做。“我又和他们在一起了，Reuben。站在他们之间。他们又活过来了，我却没有任何感受。你这下能想象那种感觉了吗？”
"Yes." Reuben didn't hesitate. "I can imagine it pretty well."
“可以。”Reuben毫不犹豫。“我很能想象。”
There was no question of who his interview subject really was. Del Olmo had never met an actress talented enough to play this part to the nines.
他的访谈对象是谁显而易见。Del Olmo还没见过有谁能把这个角色演得这么活灵活现。
"I know a fun game," Lillian Lillihammer drawled. "You pretend to be detained for no reason, and I will ask you all sorts of unreasonable questions. We might learn just as much, and you'll get a bonus glimpse into why I'm so pissed off right now."
“我知道个很有意思的游戏，”Lillian Lillihammer拉长调子说。“你假装无缘无故被扣押在这里，我来问你各种莫名其妙的问题。这样我们能得到的信息也差不多，你还能明白我为什么这么生气。”
They'd been going around in circles like this for a while. She wouldn't be drawn on the question of why she'd been in AAF-D, which was fine. She avoided the issue of how she and her friend had survived an unsurvivable trauma without so much as a scratch. She hadn't yet been asked why she was alive at all, or what she'd been up to for the past year, because those were rather game-changing questions.
他们已经这样子绕圈绕了有一会儿了。她拒绝透露她为何在AAF-D里，这没什么关系。她不回答她和她朋友如何从这样一场无法生还的灾难中生还，还没怎么受伤。他还没有问她为什么活着，或是她这一年来在做什么，因为这些问题会改变战局。
There were only two things she was crystal clear on, and she kept coming back to them for emphasis.
只有两件事她拎得清清楚楚，又不断反复强调。
"I'm not sure what direction this interview is going in," she glared, "but unless you've scheduled a breakthrough sometime soon, I'd really love to finish up and get back to working on my projects."
“我不确定这场访谈的导向，”她双目喷火，“但除非你安排好了什么进度，否则我希望能结束，回去干我的项目。”
"Director," he said, careful to make it sound like the appellation still naturally applied, "you haven't told me what those projects are."
“主管，”他说，小心不表现出这个称号已经换了人，“你还没告诉我是什么项目。”
It was a strange thing, he mused, to be given a look of such deep suspicion from someone who was supposed to be dead. Sometimes, on bad days, he talked to the mannequin in its containment closet. "Half of them you know, because we work on them together. The other half you know not to ask about, because that's how I roll. What's gotten into you, Bernie? I know the compulsion to walk into the fireworks is bad, but we've got memetic agents for that. Wave a few cards in front of my face and let me get back to business."
被一个本应死去的人如此怀疑地看上一眼相当奇怪，他思付着。有些过得不太好的日子里，他会在那人体模型的收容柜中对它说话。“有一半你是知道的，因为是我们合作的。另一半你知道不该问，因为我就这样工作。你怎么了，Bernie？我知道走进烟花中的冲动很糟糕，但我们有处理这种情况的模因触媒。给我看几张卡，让我回去工作。”
"I don't get it." Harry was massaging his own neck. He often slept wrong, or sat wrong, or walked wrong. He'd never quite gotten used to living in his own skin efficiently. "What's with the third degree? You know me."
“我不明白。”Harry揉着脖子。他经常睡姿不对，坐姿不对，走姿不对。他从来都不太适应自己的身体。“为什么要审问我？你明明了解我。”
"I did know you," Reuben nodded. "For nearly thirty years. But there's a ribbon on that, Harry, and I don't know how you untied it."
“我是了解你，”Reuben点点头。“了解了有将近三十年。但这有个头，Harry，我不知道又是怎么接续上的。”
Harry blinked. "What?"
Harry眨眨眼。“什么？”
"You died."
“你死了。”
"I'm sure I would have remembered that."
“我肯定会记得这事。”
"I can show you the body." Del Olmo held her gaze. There weren't many men who could do that. "It was converted to wood chippings at the molecular level. After you walked through what was left of Blank, and smeared his red tomato guts across the floor."
“我可以给你看那个模型。”Del Olmo保持与她对视。没有几个男人能做到。“它在分子层级变成了木屑。在你踩过Blank的残余物，把他的番茄内脏抹在地上之后。”
Her eyes — he still thought of them as blue, because they had once been so very blue — widened in a passable imitation of Ilse Reynders. "That didn't happen. I don't even know what half of that means."
她睁大了眼——他还是觉得她的眼睛是蓝色的，因为那眼睛曾是那么蓝——勉强模仿了Ilse Reynders。“那根本没发生过。你说的有一半我都理解不了意思。”
"It means," he sighed, "that you are not Lillian Lillihammer. In the same way your remains aren't really you. You're a simulacrum. Nothing more."
“意思是，”他叹了一口气，“你不是Lillian Lillihammer。就连你的残余也并非真正的你。你是个幻影。仅此而已。”
A mannequin that talked back.
会说话的人体模型。
Harry pulled on the panels of his hooded sweater for emphasis. "This is me, Reuben. Ask me anything. You're not imagining me."
Harry扯着连帽衫上的工牌以示强调。“我就在你面前，Reuben。随便问我点什么。我不是你想象出来的。”
"No," Reuben agreed. He was surprised how easy it was to carry on this conversation. He dreaded the moment when his wife saw the transcript. Perhaps there was some way to prevent that. "But you are. You're imagining you're Harold Blank. You're some kind of orphic residue, or… I don't know. That's not my area. But the real Harry died a disgusting death a year ago, and he's been in the ground ever since." As it always did, this last fact produced a gurgle of nausea in Reuben's stomach.
“对，不是我，”Reuben附和。他惊讶于这场对话如此顺利。他害怕他妻子看见抄录后的反应。也许有办法避免。“而是你。你想象着自己是Harold Blank。你是某种奥秘残迹，或者……我也不知道。这不是我的专业。但真正的Harry一年前就死了，死得很恶心，自那以后他就安息在地里。”最后一项事实一如既往在他肚子中激起一阵反胃。
Harry sat back, shaking his grey, shaggy head in disbelief. "A year? You think I've been gone for a year?"
Harry向后靠，难以置信地摇着一头蓬乱的灰发。“一年前？你以为我一年以前就走了？”
"You and Lillian both." Reuben screwed up his face. "And it hasn't been a great year, either. You're lucky you missed it. Whatever you are.
“你和Lillian。”Reuben皱起脸。“这一年过得也不好。你错过其实挺走运的。不管你是什么。”
"I'm me," Harry growled. "And I'm starting to wonder if you're you."
“我就是我，”Harry吼道。“我要开始琢磨你是不是你了。”
Reuben shrugged. The conversation had exhausted him. He wanted it to be over. He wanted all of this to be over. "It doesn't really matter who we were before. We're just the jobs we do down here, now." He laughed bitterly. "In fact, I'm a lot more you than I am me, these days. I've been doing your job. Living your life." He saw her in his mind's eye, and cast his real eyes downward to stare at the table. "Like I've been for twenty years, give or take."
Reuben耸耸肩。这场对话让他筋疲力尽。他想结束。他想这一切都结束。“我们曾经是谁不重要了。现在我们仅仅是我们在此做的工作。”他苦涩地笑了。“实际上，这些天来我更多是你而非我。我做你的工作。过你的生活。”他在心中看见了她，在现实中低下头看着桌子。“就像我已经这么活了二十几年。”
He felt Harry's eyes on him for several seconds before the other man responded. "Well, it's not like I was living it."
他感觉到Harry的目光凝视了他几秒，随后对方回答。“嗯，毕竟不是我在过。”
"Hey." Lillian reached across the table to envelop his hands in hers, the touch of her long fingers delicate and precise. "Bernie, come on. I can tell you're in a bad place. And I can tell you want me to help."
“嘿。”Lillian伸手握住桌对面他的手，她纤长的手指精致又准确。“Bernie，拜托。我看得出你状态不好。我也看得出你需要我帮忙。”
He didn't shake the hands away, but he forced himself not to respond to the gesture, either. "Lillian, I want it to be you. I want you to be back. But we've learned a lot about hope over the last year. We've learned that it isn't your friend."
他没有甩开，也逼迫自己不去回应。“Lillian，我希望这是你。我希望你回来。但在过去一年里，我们对希望了解了很多。我们知道希望不是朋友。”
"But I am." She worked their fingers until all four hands were clasped together tight. "And I can help. I've been helping. Talk me through what's on your mind, and we can figure it out. We're two of a kind. Always were."
“但我是。”她摆弄起两人的手指，直到四只手紧紧缠在一起。“我能帮你。我就在帮忙。告诉我你在想什么，我们可以一起弄明白。我们两个是一类人。一直都是。”
His breath came out ragged, and he smiled in despair. "Talk you through it? That's the thing. We never really talked, really talked, did we?"
他的呼吸变得不稳，他绝望地笑了。“告诉你？问题就在这里。我们从没真正交谈过，真正交谈，不是吗？”
Her smile was comparatively radiant. "Actions speak louder." Then, she laughed. He'd thought he would never hear that sound again. He wasn't quite hearing it now. "Wow, that was out of character for me. Holy shit. I can see why you're so suspicious."
她的笑容则相对喜悦。“行动更有力。”然后她大笑起来。他本以为再也听不见这声音了。此刻他没太专心听。“哇，那可真不像我。我去。我明白你为什么那么怀疑了。”
"They remember surviving the breach," said Wirth.
“他们记得活过了突破，”Wirth说。
"And working with the rest of the survivors to manage the threats we're facing," Del Olmo added. "The lake, the bedrock, the mirror monster, everything."
“还有与其他生还者一起应对我们面临的威胁。”Del Olmo补充。“湖、基岩、镜子怪，所有的。”
"It's a Necropsar," Wirth concluded.
“是Necropsar级，”Wirth总结。
The Director frowned. "I always found that one a little convoluted. Clarify?"
主管皱起眉头。“我总觉得这个有点难懂。解释一下？”
"Necropsar-class anomalies," the archivist explained, "represent alternate courses of time. True courses, potential courses, which time did not take. The histories of worlds that have never existed, but could have. I think," and he glanced at Del Olmo, who nodded, "that what we're looking at are versions of Harry and Lillian from a world where they didn't die."
“Necropsar级异常，”档案员解释，“代表交替的时间流。真正的、可能的、时间不会走的。从未存在，但有可能存在的世界与其历史。我想，”他看向Del Olmo，对方点点头，“我们见到的Harry和Lillian来自他们并未死去的世界。”
"A world, more precisely, where Agent Radcliffe's directions were precise enough for them to reach safety before the critical moment."
“那个世界里，更准确地说，Radcliffe特工的指引足够精确，让他们得以在临界状态来临前抵达安全处。”
"Well, to be precisely precise, a world where those directions didn't put them in the path of the things that killed them."
“嗯，特别准确地说，那个世界里，那些指引没有让他们碰上杀死他们的东西。”
Del Olmo acknowledged the little victory with a smile.
Del Olmo微微笑了一下，承认他的胜利。
The Director nodded, slowly. Contemplating. "So, what do we do with them?"
主管缓缓点头。思索着。“我们要拿他们怎么办？”
Mukami, sitting in the far corner, hadn't spoken since the briefing started. It was a surprise when she started, but the tortuous delivery was not. "Same. Thing. We. Do. With. Any. Humanoid. Anomaly…" She blew out an exhausted breath, and gestured at Janet.
Mukami远远坐在角落里，汇报期间还没说过话。听见她开口有点让人吃惊，不过那费解的说话方式倒是不意外。“像。处理。其他。人形。异常。一样……”她疲惫地吐出一口气，示意Janet。
"…whether we think we understand it or not," Janet finished for her. "Hold for twenty-four hours before taking any drastic action, then see where we're at."
“……不管我们觉得理不理解，”Janet帮她说完。“采取极端措施前先隔离二十四小时，之后再看具体处境。”
The Director's nod became more confident, and they stood up. "Makes sense to me. Particularly given where we're 'at' right now."
主管的点头更有自信了，彵站起来。“我觉得可以。尤其是考虑到我们现在的‘处境’。”
They all walked out into A&O together. The cubicles, and Operations Control beyond, were a hive of buzzing activity.
他们全体走入了A&O。格子间和后面的控制中心里忙碌的嗡嗡声不绝于耳。
It had been five hours since the breach had recurred, and they were still failing to grasp the full measure of how much more badly it had gone.
自突破再次发生已经过去了五个小时，他们还是无法完全掌握这次又变糟糕了多少。
The Director wondered, just for a moment, whether a reality where Lillian Lillihammer had still been the Director looked any better, or any worse.
主管思索了一会儿，一个Lillian Lillihammer依然是主管的现实究竟是更好还是更糟。
"Where is…" Yancy glanced at his paperwork, frowned, then looked back up at Ngo. "Where…"
“那个谁……”Yancy瞥了一眼文件，皱起眉头，又重新看向Ngo。“谁来着……”
"Someone is missing." Ngo was smiling like he hadn't seen anyone smile in over a year.
“有人不见了。”Ngo笑得就像是有一整年没见过人笑一样。
He nodded back at her.
他点点头回应。
"Very missing," she continued. "So missing, you're just now realizing you don't remember who they were."
“不见得很彻底，”她继续说。“不见到你才发现你不记得是谁。”
The big agent sighed. "Maybe this would go more smoothly if I didn't ask any questions, and you just told me what the hell is going on."
大个子特工叹了一口气。“也许如果我什么都不问，你直接告诉我到底发生了什么会更顺一点。”
Ngo nodded excitedly. She'd been euphoric almost since popping into existence in the middle of Operations Control. Once she'd stopped bawling. "Okay. I was stuck with a riddle for twelve months, by myself, and I only today figured out how to solve it."
Ngo激动地点点头。她基本上从控制中心凭空出现时起就开心得不得了。在她叫够了之后。“好。我独自一人被一个谜困住了十二个月，直到今天才明白要如何解开这个谜。”
"What riddle?"
“什么谜？”
"Why nobody noticed me. Why I didn't seem to exist to anyone." She gestured at the tablet on the table between them. "Go ahead, look me up. See if there's any mention of what I've been doing since last September."
“为什么没人能注意到我。为什么我就像不存在一样。”她示意面前桌上的平板。“来，查查看。看自从上个九月起还有没有我的活动记录。”
He shook his head. "Already did. There isn't."
他摇摇头。“已经查过了。没有。”
"Right. Because something awful happened to me during the breach. I think it erased me from everyone's memories, and then salted the earth so I couldn't regrow."
“对。因为有些坏透的事在突破中发生在了我身上。我想它把我从大家的记忆中抹除了，还加了点料，让我后续也无法引起注意。”
"And yet here we are, talking."
“但现在我们在这里交谈。”
Her smile grew even wider. "Because I finally figured it out. Nobody could see me, nobody could hear me, I knew all that from the start. But eventually I realized it was sapient beings that couldn't get a read on me. So I enlisted one who wasn't."
她的笑容更加灿烂了。“因为我终于弄清楚了。没人能看见我，没人能听见我，我一开始就知道。但最终我意识到只有智慧生物无法感知我。所以我找了个不是智慧生物的。”
Yancy frowned. "Phil? Uh, 001-A?"
Yancy皱起眉头。“Phil？呃不是，001-A？”
"No. You know how all the electrics went haywire during the breach last year?"
“不是。你知道去年突破时电力系统有多乱吗？”
"And again just now."
“刚刚也一样。”
"Yeah. That's how I got rid of it. I finally found someone only pseudosapient to talk to."
“对啊。所以我摆脱了它。我终于找到了某人仅仅是伪智能。”
"You mean…" He snorted. "Clio." The Site's Artificially Intelligent Conscript lost most of her higher functions whenever the grid went down.
“你是说……”他哼了一声。“Clio。”站点的人工智能操作员在电力不足时会失去绝大部分高级功能。
"Clio. I accessed her terminal, fed in my notes on the anomaly, and left a read condition: low power mode only. Otherwise she'd ignore them. I can't… I couldn't even make people read my notes." She laughed, and he suddenly saw how much she was hiding behind that mask of mirth. Just for an instant. "There's a whole lot of scribbling all over the Site now. You'll be seeing it for the first time."
“就是Clio。我访问了她的终端，把我对那异常的笔记输进去，标上阅读条件：仅在低功率模式。否则她会忽略。我都没法……我之前都没法让人读我的笔记。”她笑了起来，他突然看见了她在那欢乐的面具之下隐藏了多少。只有短短一瞬。“站点里到处都有一大堆写写画画。你们会首次能看见。”
"So when Clio read the notes…"
“那么Clio读过笔记之后……”
"She recorded the data on low power, and when the breach fluctuations brought her back online, she considered it with all her faculties. Determined the likely contours of the anomaly. Compared it with other things in the database. And then she started broadcasting."
“她在低功率下记录了数据，而当突破变化让她重新上线后，她就用完全状态思考。确定异常的可能形态。与数据库中的其他异常比对。然后她开始广播。”
"I heard that. I thought she was just going nuts."
“我听到了。我以为她单纯是疯了。”
"She was saving me from going nuts."
“她在救我免于疯狂。”
"How?"
“怎么做到的？”
"She asked me to give her the anomaly."
“她跟我说，给她那个异常。”
Yancy blinked. "Simple as that?"
Yancy眨眨眼。“就那么简单？”
"Simple as that. As soon as she asked the empty air, from her perspective, it was like a block had been removed from my mind. I spoke, and I was free."
“就那么简单。她在她的视角下对着空气一问，我脑子里就像有一面屏障消失了。我说出来，就自由了。”
"Wow." He looked down at his notes again. "Uh… so why…?"
“哇。”他又低头看向笔记。“呃……那为什么……？”
"Did a technician disappear?" Ngo looked sheepish. "Probably Clio set up a subroutine to pick someone nonessential and order them to ask the air, just like she had. She was only incommunicado for a few seconds."
“有一个技术员消失了？”Ngo像是有点不好意思，“也许Clio设置了一个子程序，挑了个不重要的人，让那人像她一样问空气。她仅仅被屏蔽了几秒钟。”
"My services were required," a bright voice came over the intercom. "And I didn't like being in the ocean. I'm not like her. Though her hair is so nearly the right hue…" The .aic hummed a little, then abruptly stopped.
“你们需要我的服务，”对讲机中传出一个活力满满的声音。“我也不喜欢待在海里。我不像她。尽管她头发的颜色几乎完全对得上……”.aic低声哼哼了一会儿，然后戛然而止。
Yancy looked at Ngo. Ngo shrugged.
Yancy看向Ngo。Ngo耸耸肩。
"So, it's transmissible. But only curable if someone asks you for it."
“所以它是可传递的。但只能靠别人主动问你要。”
"That's right."
“没错。”
"What do we do, then?"
“那我们要做什么？”
"Draw lots?" she suggested.
“抽签？”她提议。
He shook his head. "You said you spoke. What did you speak?"
他摇摇头。“你说你说出来。你说了什么？”
A cloud came over her expression. "It was kind of like a password," she said. "Words and numbers. I think the numbers were just for spacing."
她的脸蒙上了一层阴霾。“有点像个密码，”她说。“有字母和数字。我想数字只是用来做空格的。”
"You can remember what the words were?"
“你记得字母是什么吗？”
She pursed her lips. "Yes."
她抿起嘴。“记得。”
Alis stared at the report. Read the words. Spoke them aloud.
Alis盯着报告。读着那些字母。大声念了出来。
Marvelled at how catastrophically untrue they were, and how much she wanted their intended recipient to have heard them before it was too late.
惊叹于这错得离谱的文字，还有自己多希望应该听到的人能在为时已晚之前听见。
Dougall Deering博士不能改变过去。
Not any more, he couldn't.
再也不能了，他做不到。
She had never so clearly comprehended why he might want to.
她从未如此理解他为什么想做到。
9月9日
"Why do you think they locked us up together?"
“你觉得他们为什么把我们锁在一起？”
On the top bunk, Lillian's weight shifted in suggestion of a shrug. "I mean, they'll be monitoring. Obviously. So maybe they want to see if we keep our story straight."
Lillian在上铺，动静表明她耸了耸肩。“要我说，他们会监视。显然的。所以也许他们想看看我们的故事一不一致。”
"But it isn't a story. It's the truth."
“但那不是故事。那就是事实。”
"Aren't you the one always rambling on about fiction being stranger than truth? These people are living a lie. They don't remember us. They've been living without us, somehow." She paused. "I'm actually a little offended they were able to."
“不是你一直说什么小说比现实更离奇吗？这些人活在谎言中。他们不记得我们。不知道怎么回事，他们离了我们竟然还能活。”她顿了一下。“其实我有点感到冒犯。”
He knotted his hands behind his pillow, and tried to sink into the mattress. The bedding in the containment chamber was comfortable, because of course it wasn't a containment chamber at all, but a junior technician class dormitory. Most of the containment chambers had been on the first sublevel, which no longer existed. "I just wish we could make them see things our way."
他的手在枕头底下绞起来，他想躲进床垫。收容室的床很舒服，因为这当然根本不是收容室，而是初级技术员的宿舍。大多数收容室都已经都在已经不存在的第一层。“我只希望能让他们像我们一样思考。”
"Well, tomorrow's another day." Her weight shifted again, and he knew she was on her side. She was getting ready to sleep, and Lillian Lillihammer never started anything she wasn't confident she could finish. "Maybe we'll wake up extra convincing."
“嗯，明天又是新的一天。”她又挪了挪，他知道她正侧躺着。她准备好入睡了，Lillian Lillihammer从不去做她没把握完成的事。“也许我们醒来后会更能说服他们。”
Twenty-three hours after the breach, the situation had not markedly improved. The worsening of the red haze was apparently permanent — given an entire year of experiments had failed to determine what was causing it in the first place, there was no reason to suspect it would be susceptible to human alteration — and the rampaging reflection-dweller had not calmed down in the slightest. It was finding every reflective crack in their defences, and exploiting them. They'd even had to restart production on the occlusion formula, and recall all existing stores, when the thing somehow found a way to manifest in the microscopic imperfections of each droplet. That, at least, was Billie's best guess for why four people had suffered brain death during their hourly applications.
突破二十三小时后，状况也没有好转多少。加深的红雾显然会永久存在——毕竟一整年的实验都未能探明这究竟是如何产生的，有理由认为这是人力无法影响的——而且狂暴的镜中居民一点也没有冷静下来。他找到并利用了每一处他们没处理好的反光点。他们得重新研制眼药水，还得召回存货，因为那东西不知如何找到了办法显现在药水滴的微观瑕疵上。至少Billie是这样猜测，为什么会有四人在滴眼药水时突发脑死亡。
The exhausted thaumic energy plant had fired itself back up with a vengeance, and detonated. Five researchers and two technicians had been vaporized, leaving charcoal outlines standing in air. A row of dormitories had slammed themselves sideways from east to west, pancaking three people and causing a massive cave-in which immediately began leaking grey sorrow and vocalizing. One agent's head exploded for no apparent reason. Two others were fused together at the temples. A bulkhead door had slammed shut against Amelia's thighs, then immediately retracted again; she'd received a concussion when she hit her head on the floor, and one of her femurs was fractured. Ambrogi's techs, Markey's specialists and the combined agents of Mukami and Gwilherm were locking down the new messes as best they could; it wasn't a losing battle, but the attrition was increasingly problematic.
精疲力竭的奇术发电机复仇般给自己重新点上火，然后爆炸了。五名研究员与两名技术员被气化了，余留的碳痕在空中勾勒出轮廓。一排宿舍自己从走廊东侧变到了西侧，夹扁了三人，造成了一场坍塌，坍塌处立即开始发生声，还流出灰色的悲伤。一个特工的头无缘无故爆炸了。另两人在太阳穴处融在了一起。一扇隔板门在Amelia腰边突然关上，又马上收了回去；她摔到了头，得了脑震荡，还有一根股骨骨折。Ambrogi的技术员、Markey的专家以及Mukami和Gwilherm合作管理的特工正在尽可能的锁住新的乱子；战斗没有失败，但陡增的消耗成了大问题。
The missing technician was easy to find, as she hadn't left her seat. But making her reappear had made someone else vanish, and they didn't know who until someone else took their place. While they tried to figure out how to keep track of who had been rendered persona non grata, they let Amelia hold on to the password. She was already in a light medical coma for recuperation anyway. Clio would remember to wake… whoever it was, up, when the time was right.
失踪的技术员很容易找到，因为她还坐在原地没动。但为了让她重现，又有某人消失了，他们不知道谁消失了，直到另一人跟那人换了位。他们试图找到办法记录谁变成了隐形人，期间暂时把密码交给Amelia保管。反正她为了休养已经陷入了轻度医学昏迷。等时机到了，Clio会记得叫醒……管他是谁的。
"If this happens every year," Markey said as he leaned on the panelled wall and chewed his unlit cigarette, "we're going to hit the wall pretty fast, and hard."
“如果每年都这样，”Mukami靠在镶板墙上，咬着没点的烟，“我们会很快到头的。”
"Meaning?" the Director asked. They were using the podium to support more than their position of authority, having been awake for over a day.
“意思是？”主管问。彵已经超过一天没睡了，用着高台不只是为了支撑权威。
"Meaning we lose this many people every September, it won't be long before we can't put out all the fires, or stop them from spreading. There's a point where we're bobsledding down the slippery slope, boss."
“如果我们每年九月都失去那么多人，不用多久就没办法灭掉每一场火，或是阻止它们蔓延。总有一刻我们会坠入无底深渊，老大。”
The Director could picture the slope Markey described. They pictured it as a line on a graph.
主管能想象出Mukami所说的深渊。彵想象出图上的一条线。
A graph of the human population, over time, of the planet Earth.
一张地球人口数随时间变化的图表。
Some time after six, Janet went for a roll.
六点过一点，Janet去转了一圈。
Once upon a time, she'd spent most of her time walking. Patrolling the Site with her partner, looking for trouble. Sometimes causing it, again with her partner. After the breach, she'd mostly been running a desk; there was too much to do for any single person to make a difference, unless they were intensifying the efforts of the others, and anyway she didn't move as fast as she'd used to. That was what the Director told her, and she was sure it was at least half-true. The other half, of course, was an acknowledgement that her ravaged body was a resource to be preserved at all costs, not squandered on every little thing that needed doing.
曾几何时，她大多数时间都在走路。和搭档在站点巡逻，寻找冲突。有时制造冲突，也和搭档一起。突破发生后，她主要坐在办公桌前；一个人的力量不足以影响大局，除非是靠鞭策他人，而且反正她也不能动的像以前那么快了。主管是这么告诉她的，她知道这至少说中了一半。而当然，另一半是承认他备受摧残的身躯是需要不惜一切保护的资源，不要浪费在每一件必要的小事上。
Ever since they'd picked her up off the bastardized beach, as the lake rolled up to greet her a second time, her legs had been aching to move. Which they couldn't. So she did the next best thing.
在湖水第二次漫上来向她问好时，他们把她带离了那不堪的湖畔，从此往后，她的腿就一直渴望能动。但做不到。于是她退而求其次。
She passed technicians in esomat suits sealing off dormitory rooms, or hauling corpses to the furnaces, or sobbing softly in designated niches out of the way of people still getting their jobs done. She passed strange scars in the built landscape, gaping holes where that landscape no longer existed, streaks of liquid and pebbled matter she could only identify by smell in the crimson glow. She let it all wash over her, the horror and the scale and the stink, and then boiled it all down to the imagined pleasure of working her muscles back and forth. Other than the angle, it was almost believable. Almost good enough.
她路过一些穿着奥秘防护服的技术员，他们或在封闭宿舍，或在把尸体拖往焚化炉，亦或在工作的人看不见的壁凹中啜泣。她路过建筑景观上奇怪的伤疤，还有景观不再存在的空洞，以及一股股液体和沾湿的物质，在这红光下，她只能靠气味分辨那究竟是什么。这恐怖，这规模，这熏天臭气，她让这一切洗涤她，再将一切在想象肌肉锻炼的快乐中烧蚀殆尽。不是关节，那太可信了。几乎够好了。
She thought that was all it was, an exercise of agency, the ghost of physical exercise, and a chance to think, until she suddenly felt she had reached her destination. She didn't know what that meant, only that it was true. She was here. This was where she needed to be.
她以为也就这样了——行动意志的锻炼，身体锻炼的鬼魂，也是思考机会——直到突然感觉到达了目的地。她不知道这是什么意思，只知道这是真的。她在这里，在她需要在的地方。
Mukami was there as well, and the look in her eyes told Janet there was something more at work here than simple restlessness and fatigue.
Mukami也在，她的眼睛告诉Janet，导致这件事的不仅仅是疲劳与缺乏睡眠。
It was a quick insight, and easily forgotten. A brief lurching of the stomach later, and the two were arguing as though it had never occurred to either of them.
快速顿悟，也容易遗忘。随后胃中一阵翻江倒海，两人就像无事发生一样争吵着。
Other than an awful sensation of vertigo that only lasted a few moments, this shift hadn't been so bad.
除了短暂的剧烈头晕，这次转换shift没那么糟。
It was a stretch, of course, to call the hour or so David spent each day at the Pen a 'shift'. But there had been a time when voluntarily engaging in something he didn't find personally rewarding had been unheard of at any duration, so he liked to think it was progress.
当然，要说David每天在牢房待的一小时是“轮班shift”未免言过言过其实。但有过一段时间，他觉得自愿参与不享受的事，哪怕只是一小儿也骇人听闻，所以他更愿意想成进步。
Bernie was there too, though as usual he divided his attention between his tablet and the makeshift monitoring station beside the deadlocked double doors. Sometimes David brought a book with him, though it was starting to grate on his nerves the way Bernie sniffed disdainfully at the covers. It wasn't like their lending library had a lot to choose from, and given their day-to-day one could hardly be blamed for preferring something saucy to the weightier options on offer.
Bernie也在尽管像平时一样，一边看他的平板，一边看锁死的双重门边的临时监控站。有时David会带本书，不过Bernie对着封面轻蔑一哼的样子有点激怒他了。他们借来的图书馆里没有多少藏书，而且考虑到他们的日常，很难指责他不看点严肃的反而看轻松的。
Today, though, he didn't have a book. He also didn't have the snack he usually brought, that execrable granola allegedly sourced from hydroponics products which he suspected had more to do with the plumbing recyclers than anything resembling soil. Unless it was actually night soil.
但是今天他没有带书，他也没有带平时会带的零食——那种据说是用水培中的东西制造的烂麦片，他怀疑用的是下水道回收的水，而非更像土的东西。除非其实是粪土。
He called them 'gruelnola bars', sure, but they did take the edge off. Strange that he could have forgotten.
他管那东西叫“燕麦棒”，的确尝起来好点了。奇怪他竟然会忘。
Bernie was spending all his time gazing at the readouts, David noticed. And his memetics dazzle coat was curiously lump-free. "Where's your tablet?"
David注意到Bernie在全神贯注凝视读数，而且他的模因炫彩外套没有结块。“你平板呢？”
Bernie waved him off irritably. "Left it in my room, I guess."
Bernie烦躁地一挥手。“大概落房间了。”
David frowned. One mental lapse could be written off, though it probably ought to be reported anyway. Just to be safe. But two? One for each of them? "You feeling funny right now, Bern?"
David皱起眉头。一个疏忽可以糊弄过去，尽管大概应该上报。安全起见。但是两个？每人一个？“你有觉得想笑吗，Bern？”
The memeticist turned to face him, irritation giving way to concern. "It's just absent-mindedness," he protested. "I'm getting old, and I only had maybe two hours' sleep."
模因学家面向他，气恼化为了担忧。“只是心不在焉，”他抗议。“我老了，而且只睡了可能两小时。”
"Old men sleep short," David reminded him. "It's not that. I'm feeling a little out of sorts right now, too. You don't figure…?"
“老人睡得少，”David提醒他。“不是因为这个。我也感觉有点心情不好。你不觉得……？”
Bernie sighed, and gestured at the radio on David's belt. "Call it in, if you think it's important. I'm fairly sure my problems have more to do with gut biota than mental chemistry." He glanced at the readout on the wall again, and scowled. "Do these look like milling patterns to you?"
Bernie叹了一口气，示意David腰带上的对讲机。“报告吧，如果你觉得重要的话。我相当确定，我的问题更多在于肠道菌群，而非大脑化学状态。”他又瞥了一眼墙上的读数，面带怒气。“你觉得看起来像人群的随机行为吗？”
David walked over to peer at the screen. "No," he had to admit, sparing a look at the sealed doors. They seemed solid enough. "No, that looks more like directed action."
David走过去注视屏幕。“不像，”他得承认，然后瞥了一眼密封的门。看起来够牢。“不像，看起来更像有组织行动。”
The monitor displayed a rough heat readout of the second sublevel cafeteria, what David called the Pen, presently occupied by thirty-one persons who typically walked around in random directions, bumped into the walls and furniture, shit themselves, and ate whatever was tossed in through the ventilation system. It wasn't elegant, but it was the best solution they had right now. He didn't envy the folks in hydroponics, which also shared a similarly sealed door to the Site's little asylum.
监控展示了二层食堂——David叫它牢房——的粗略温度，里面目前有三十一人，平时他们会在里面随机走来走去，撞墙，撞家具，拉在自己身上，吃掉随便什么塞进通风口的东西。这不怎么体面，但已经是他们最好的办法了。他不羡慕搞水培的家伙们，他们也享受着一扇类似的密封门，也通向站点的小避难所。
Right now, the inmates were mostly clustered around the doors. The bulk of them, maybe two dozen, were crowding near where David and Bernie stood, on the other side of the wall. He wasn't surprised he couldn't hear them. Soundproofing had been one of Bernie's first additions to the prison; managing the soundscape of the Site at large had been his most pressing project for most of the past year. It wasn't safe to keep an ear to the ground, these days. Better to miss a cue than become a mark.
目前，囚犯大多聚在门边。其余十几人围在墙对面，对着David与Bernie站的位置。他并不惊讶于听不见他们。隔音是Bernie给监狱加装的第一批改装；最大限度掌控站点的声景是他这一年来最紧迫的项目。如今耳听八方不安全。错失线索也好过变成靶子。
"Plugs," Bernie murmured, and David winced before complying. The earplugs were only necessary if his colleague intended to turn on the cafeteria's audio feed. Both of them had Cognitive Resistance Values through the theorized roof, but rules were rules. Only one potential exposure at a time.
“耳塞，”Bernie低声说，David缩了一下才服从。只有他的同事想打开食堂的音频时，才有必要戴耳塞。两人的认知阻抗系数都超过了理论受影响上限(？)，但规则还是要遵守。同一时间仅允许一人暴露。
He did question the logic of making that exposure the Site's most talented remaining memeticist, but didn't have the energy to argue.
他确实怀疑过，让站点剩下的最有天赋的模因学家来暴露合不合理，但没力气去争。
When Markey was properly muffled, Bernie hit the switch and listened. Usually the crowd was muttering nonsensically, or weeping, or straining with the effort of excretion. Sometimes they started to chant, and before long the entire group was in on it. He'd had Clio testing the audio patterns for memetic exploitables, but so far all the tests came back negative.
Markey戴好耳塞后，Bernie按下按钮，听着里面的声音。平时人们会无意识地喃喃自语，或者哭泣，或者发出排泄的用力声。有时他们会唱起歌，不用多久，一整群人都会加入合唱。他让Clio检测音频的模因痕迹，但目前所有检测结果都是阴性。
Markey had suggested it was their way of chanting "We Shall Overcome." Bernie hadn't talked to him for two days after that.
Markey以前说他们是在合唱“We Shall Overcome”1。之后Bernie有两天没跟他们说话。
Right now, the crowd was noisy. But they were trying something new. Above the general hubbub, a single voice cried: "Let us out!"
现在人群吵吵嚷嚷。但他们有了新把戏。在一片嘈杂中，一个声音脱颖而出：“放我们出去！”
Then another.
接着又一个。
Then another.
又一个。
They took turns. Some sounded more authoritative. Some more panicked. Some weary, some sick, most of them at least a little angry. Voices he recognized, from people he knew. Dolly Ferber. Agent Ngata. Old Wyers, who hadn't been infected at first, but had experienced the poor fortune to be in the cafeteria when Mukami corralled the sheep inside. They sounded stressed, afraid, and tired, but most of all they sounded human.
轮流来。听起来更有组织。更恐慌。有些疲惫，有些厌恶，多数至少有点愤怒。他能听出来，是他认识的人。Dolly Ferber。Ngata特工。老Wyers——他一开始没感染，但在Mukami把人赶进去食堂时碰巧在里面。他们听起来压力很大，害怕又疲倦，但大都听起来像人。
They sounded like themselves.
他们听起来像他们自己。
When they started reciting their names and security clearance codes, Bernie switched off the feed and gestured at Markey to remove his earplugs. "I think it's time to make that call."
而当他们开始报出姓名与安保识别码时，Bernie关闭了音频，示意Markey摘下耳塞。“我想是时候报告了。”
"I still. Want to talk. About the. Pipes." Mukami tapped the schematics meaningfully. "Best. Point of access. H-hardest. For them. To monitor."
“我还。想谈谈。管道。”Mukami意有所指地敲了敲图表。“最好。进入点。最n-难。让他们。监控。”
"I'm not putting any of my people in the shitter tubes," Janet spat. "Never mind that most of them wouldn't fit. Hell, I'm not even sure Del would have."
“我一个也不会把我的人送进下水道，”Janet啐了一口。“更别提他们根本都进不去。操，我估计Del都进不去。”
"I wasn't… talking… about…" Mukami looked up at the ceiling, as though there was a memetic calming agent plastered there. She honestly might see about getting Alis to whip one up. "Howard. HOWARD."
“我不是……在说……”Mukami抬头看向天花板，仿佛那里贴了个冷静模因触媒。她的确可能去找Alis，让她弄一个上去。“Howard。Howard。”
Yancy blinked at her, confused. He was more translator than deputy these days, and he was usually more on the ball. "Uh…" He glanced at the plans as though seeing them for the first time, then took what was apparently a stab in the dark. "She meant we could consider putting something in the pipes?" Mukami nodded encouragement, so he kept going. "To stop…?"
Yancy困惑地向她眨眨眼。他如今更像翻译官而非副手，平时也比这机灵。“呃……”他像第一次见一样看向计划表，然后明显是猜着开口。“她是想说，我们可以考虑往管道里放一些东西？”Mukami鼓励地点头，于是他继续说。“来阻止……？”
Mukami growled. She could still growl articulately, if nothing else. "Bremmel. And Bernie. Testing fluid. Memetics." This was not a great time for her second voice to give out. But she'd be god damned if she was going to give up. "Pitter patter. For the. Grey matter. You know?"
Mukami怒吼起来。她还能清楚地怒吼，如果这不是在说话的话。“Bremmel。和Bernie。测试流体。模因。”这时候不适合她用第二个声音。但她要是放弃了那就真该死。“给灰质。打小孔。明白吗？”
Janet laughed, and rolled back from the table. "You come up with that just now? You really should stop skipping sleep cycles."
Janet笑了，从桌边转了回来。“你刚刚才想出来？你真的不该睡那么少。”
Mukami smirked, but remained hunched over the battle plans. "Old-fashioned. Gal," she grunted. "Love me. A unicycle."
Mukami得意地笑了，但还是伏在战斗计划表上。“太老套。姑娘，”她咕哝着。“爱我吧。独轮车(？)。”
Janet plucked her radio off her belt, and hit the button. "P&S Actual, report."
Janet把对讲机从腰带上取下来，猛地按下按钮，“P&S本部，汇报。”
"Chief? Where the hell am I?"
“部长？我到底在哪里？”
Janet frowned. The voice sounded like Peter Veridian, one of the crack shots in the Witch Hunters. He sounded… well, she knew how he sounded, but it was a thing unheard of. "Pete, are you drunk?"
Janet皱起眉头。这声音听起来就是Peter Veridian——“女巫猎人”的一个神枪手。他听起来……当然她听得出他的声音，但这样就闻所未闻了。“Pete，你喝醉了吗？”
"Maybe?" She heard swift footsteps on tile as he kept his button depressed. "Because I think I'm lost."
“也许吧？”他一直按着按钮，她能听见瓷砖上迅捷的脚步声。“因为我觉得我迷路了。”
"Lost? Lost where?" Mukami was already spreading the full operations map out on the table, so they could see the entire main facility floorplan at a glance. Janet noticed her speech impediment had improved markedly.
“迷路？在哪里？”Mukami已经在桌上摊开了整张指挥地图，这样她们一眼就能看见主设施的完整平面图。
"M&C," he said, and Janet's blood went cold. "I can't tell one junction from the next. It's these god damn, what do they call them?"
“M&C，”他说，Janet如坠冰窟。“我分不清是哪个路口。到处都是这些天杀的，叫什么来着？”
"Menger sponges." The dreadful calm was coming over her. "Peter, listen to me. I don't know how you got in there, but you need to get out. Follow protocol. Follow the protocol, Peter."
“门格海绵。”她变得极度冷静。“Peter，听我说。我不知道你是怎么进去的，但你得出来。照着协议做。照着协议做，Peter。”
"I don't know where out is," he whined. He was panicking. Peter never panicked. He was made after Mukami's mold. He was a sniper. "Boss, I'm just running in circles here. What do I do?"
“我不知道哪个方向是出，”他哭嚷着。他恐慌不已。Peter从不恐慌。他是照着Mukami的模子培养的。他是狙击手。“老大，我在这里面绕圈子。我要做什么？”
"Protocol," Janet reminded him. When she let go the button, she cursed. What the hell is wrong with him?
“协议，”Janet提醒他。她松开按钮骂了一声。他出什么毛病了？
"I don't know what that means!" Peter's laboured breathing briefly stopped, and Janet thought he'd turned off his radio. Then she heard him shout: "Who goes there?!"
“我根本不知道那是什么！”Peter沉重的呼吸声顿了一下，Janet以为他关掉了对讲机。然后她听见他大喝：“谁在那里？！”
"Peter!" Janet hissed. "Do not engage—"
“Peter！”Janet让他噤声。“不要与——”
Another voice, equally familiar, came over the radio. "It's me! It's just me! Jesus Christ, put your gun down!"
对讲机中传来另一个熟悉的声音。“是我！只有我！老天啊把枪放下！”
Janet had been prepared to remind her man to shoot anyone he saw on sight. She had not been prepared to hear Eileen Veiksaar over the radio, sounding frightened and confused but otherwise very much her usual self.
Janet本来准备好了让她的人射击视线内的任何人。她没准备好听见对讲机里传来Eileen Veiksaar的声音，那声音害怕又困惑，但除此之外很像她平时的声音。
It couldn't possibly be Veiksaar.
那不可能是Veiksaar。
Because Veiksaar was one of them.
因为Veiksaar是他们的一员。
Mukami had her own radio out now, and she was checking in on all stations. Yancy stood beside her, clenching and unclenching his hands in frustration. The first few agents seemed to understand what she was asking, and gave the all-clear. Gradually, however, cracks started to show.
Mukami拿起了她的对讲机，检查每一个值班点。Yancy站在她身边，沮丧地反复握拳。头几个特工似乎理解她在问什么，回复了一切安全。然而破绽渐渐显现。
Ji O, a veteran, wanted to know why she was guarding a dormitory with steel plates bolted to the frame. Don Ballard, who had once been a rookie — none of them were green anymore, or they wouldn't still be alive — couldn't understand why he was sitting in a two by two by two cube, painted… painted, when he was meant to be on duty.
老资历特工Ji O想知道她为什么在守着一个宿舍，宿舍门框还用钢板密封上了。曾是新手的Don Ballard——如今没有青涩的人了，不然早就死了——不理解他为什么坐在两米见方的盒子里，画着……画着画，占用了本应在执勤的时间。
Then the Director cut in, and demanded to know what was going on. In general. Their precise words were: "Chiefs, can you explain this?"
然后主管插话，要求了解发生了什么。总的来说。他实际说的是：“两位部长，你们可是可以解释这些吗？”
"Explain. What? Sir?" The little breach of politeness was Mukami's patience beginning to crack. Had everyone gone mad at once?
“解释。什么？长官？”一点点失礼说明Mukami的耐心在碎裂。所有人一起疯了吗？
Around the corner, Gwilherm was shouting into her radio. In the distance, there was more shouting. A lot more shouting.
角落里，Gwilherm在对着对讲机大吼。远处有更多人在吼。非常多人在吼。
"Sir," Mukami said, slowly, "I think. We're under. Attack."
“长官，”Mukami慢慢说。“我想。我们。受到了。攻击。”
"By whom?"
“攻击者是？”
"Yeah," Yancy half-whispered. "I'd like to know, too."
“是啊，”Yancy低声说。“我也想知道。”
She stared at the radio, then at her deputy. "Who. Else?!"
她瞪着对讲机，又瞪向副手。“还能。有谁？！”
Stewart slammed the door shut, locked it, put his tremendous bulk against it. "You're safe, sir," he wheezed.
Stewart一把关上门锁好，再用他庞大的身躯抵住。“你安全了，长官。”他喘着粗气。
Wirth shook his head, rushed to his desk, began leafing through his papers for the disaster protocols. "Not for long," he muttered. "All of them. All of them. How does that even happen?!"
Wirth摇摇头，冲到他的办公桌边，在文件中翻找灾难协议。“安全不了多久，”他喃喃地说。“他们所有人。他们所有人。怎么会发生这种事？”
There was banging on the door. "Sir?" It was Inderjeet Ahmad, senior researcher. "Are you alright in there?"
有人猛敲着门。“长官？”是高级研究员Inderjeet Ahmad。“你还好吗？”
"I'm fine!" he shouted, shooting Stewart a crazed look. Radcliffe shrugged, but kept his back firmly planted against the wood. In lower tones, he asked: "Why are they acting like they're still themselves?"
“我很好！”他大喊，发狂地看了Stewart一眼。Radcliffe耸耸肩，但依然紧紧背靠着木门。他低声问：“为什么他们表现的像他们还是他们？”
"It could be a memory thing?" Stewart hazarded. He had to whisper; the door wasn't that thick, and he didn't want them hearing.
“可能是记忆之类的？”Stewart猜测。他必须悄声说；门不是很厚，他也不希望他们听见。
"I wasn't asking you to comment," Wirth snapped. "I was thinking out loud." Stewart felt heat rising in his cheeks. Sometimes he forgot that the Chief of Archives and Revision was much younger than he was. Whenever he remembered, it was rarely a happy occasion.
“我没让你议论，”Wirth厉声说。“我在自言自语。”Stewart感觉热血涌上了脸。有时他会忘记文献与修缮部部长比他年轻许多。每次他想起来，几乎都不是什么开心事。
They were trying the door. They stood little chance of battering their way in, but Stewart's duties were clear. If there were infected personnel outside, he had a responsibility to preserve the chain of command.
他们在试着开门。他们不大可能闯进来，但Stewart的职责很明确。如果外面还有受感染人员，他就有责任维护指挥链的完整。
And if the infection spread that far?
而如果感染扩散到了这个程度？
Those duties were even clearer. If there was any sign that Wirth had been compromised, he wouldn't have time to notice his escort drawing his service weapon.
职责就更明确了。如果Wirth显露出了感染迹象，他不会有机会注意到护卫拔出了枪。
That was the theory, anyway.
反正理论上是这样。
In practice it would probably take him more than a few shots.
实际上大概不止需要几发子弹。
In the end, Reuben gave up looking for the protocols and spent a few agonized moments considering whether or not to set off the pyroclastic charges instead. But with the A&R bulkheads locked down, his staff weren't going anywhere anyway. There might still be a chance to save them.
最后Reuben放弃了找协议，痛苦地思索了一会儿要不要干脆启动火山碎屑爆弹。但既然A&R的隔板门已经关上了，他的人员哪里也去不了。也许还有机会救他们。
All six of them.
全部六人。
So he muttered his passphrase into thin air, and then motioned to Radcliffe to follow him into the secret tunnel between his office and dorm. When it was safely closed, he relaxed a little. But they did keep walking.
于是他对着空中低声说出他的密码，接着示意Radcliffe跟上他走进连接办公室和宿舍的秘密隧道。隧道口完全关闭后，他略微松了一口气。但他们还在继续走。
"It could be something as simple as memory loss," Wirth mused to himself as they approached the far light. "That'll be my working theory."
“可能就像失忆那么简单，”Wirth思考着，他们离远方的灯光越来越近。“这就是我的现行理论了。”
If the lump of muscle behind him had any opinion on the origin of that theory, he kept it to himself. From the looks of things, he was too busy trying to keep his hand off the butt of his pistol.
就算他身后的肌肉男对这理论的来源有异议，他也憋着没说。看起来，他空不出手，不能松开屁股后面的枪。
Trigger-happy idiot, Reuben thought contemptuously. But I do feel safer having him at my back.
打枪的傻子，Reuben轻蔑地想。但有他在背后，确实感觉更安全。
"I just wish I knew if they were taking care of shit in there," Romolo grumbled. "I mean, look here." He stabbed the matte screen with a fingernail. "Weird power drain. It could be some mad science bullshit. Could be. But you know what's much more likely?"
“我只希望能知道他们有没有处理好里面的烂摊子，”Romolo抱怨着。“我是说，看这里。”他用指甲戳着不反光的屏幕。“奇怪的电力缺口。可能是什么疯狂科学之类是。可能是。但你知道更有可能是什么吗？”
"What?" Placeholder obliged.
“什么？”Placeholder顺着他的话说。
"It's much more likely the fuckers just haven't been maintaining Du's old cyclotron, and it's spinning out its bearings and putting a higher load on the cooling systems. I guess we'll know if we suddenly get an efficiency spike because the fucking thing blew up."
“更有可能是那些混蛋没维护Du的旧核心，它转过头了，给了冷却系统更大压力。我想，如果那该死玩意儿突然炸了让我们的效率陡升，我们就能知道了。”
Placeholder stared at him.
Placeholder盯着他。
Romolo sighed. "Look. I know this is small potatoes next to whatever else is going on in there. People are dying. The women tell me this every day. But that doesn't change the fact that we're running this spaceship on a skeleton crew, and these other jokers are using up all our irreplaceable resources. What happens when the geothermal power fails? We ought to be charging the batteries up for final winter instead of…" Romolo blinked. "You're staring at me, guy. Why are you staring at me?"
Romolo叹了一口气。“听着。我知道比起里面发生的事，这些都不算什么。人们一天天死去。那几个女人天天这么跟我说。但其实我们还是在靠一帮骨干人马运行这座太空船，而其他的小丑正在耗尽我们无可替代的资源。如果地热能没了，会发生什么？我们应该为最后的寒冬准备好电池，而不是……”Romolo眨了眨眼。“你干嘛盯着我看，伙计？”
"What?" Placeholder repeated.
“什么？”Placeholder又说了一遍。
Romolo considered slapping him. He'd been on his final nerve for months. Maybe all the way back to the breach. "Use your words, doctor. What exactly is confusing you?"
Romolo想扇他一巴掌。他这段时间一直紧张得要死。大概突破之后就这样了。“说人话，博士。你在疑惑什么？”
Place swallowed, considered the matter very carefully, and rephrased.
Placeholder咽下口水，小心谨慎地思索，再开口说话。
"Everything. Every word you've spoken in the last five minutes. What the hell are you talking about?"
“全部。过去五分钟里你说的每一个字。你到底在说什么？”
The Director glanced from Chair to Chief, poker face firmly in place. They knew their people. At least, they thought they did.
主管依次看向主席与部长们，保持住扑克脸。彵了解彵的人。至少彵觉得了解。
The headline researchers were loyal in part because they got to engage in ludicrous scientific shenanigans, though for many the relative moral light-greyness of Site-43 was a bonus. The engineers got to build things most of their peers outside the Veil could only dream about. The upper echelons of admin wielded a power over rarefied spaces where policies deciding the course of human history were decided. Their bread had so much butter on one side that it was fully inedible, and they knew who to thank for that.
头部研究员还算忠诚，因为他们能研究奇异的科学把戏，不过对很多人来说，Site-43相对高尚的道德环境也是加成。工程师可以造出帷幕外的同事梦里才能见到的东西。高级管理人员有权力制定决定人类历史走向的政策。他们的面包上有一面涂了太多黄油，根本吃不了(什么比喻？)，而且他们知道这归功于谁。
Ambrogi, Del Olmo, Gwilherm, Mukami and Wirth… there were some question marks there. That was why the Director had called a snap meeting, knowing all five were out in the field. They'd had a brief chat with each over the radio, and reports on what each was up to, and that was that.
Ambrogi、Del Olmo、Gwilherm、Mukami、Wirth……还有几个问号。所以主管召集他们开了一场短会，而那五人仍在各处工作(？)。彵用对讲机与他们各自简单聊了聊，听他们报告在干什么，仅此而已。
The Director smiled at their friends, and almost set their hands on the table before remembering how unpleasant the sandpapered surface was now. "Do any of you have any idea what's going on in Research and Experimentation?"
主管向朋友们微笑，正准备把手放到桌子上，才想起来打磨粗糙的桌面有多不舒服。“你们有人知道研究与实验部里发生了什么吗？”
A rush of sighs and grunts of relief confirmed what the Director had already suspected. The confused calls to the Operations Control switchboard. The looks of bewilderment on almost every single face. The way nothing seemed to be where anyone expected it to be, and nobody seemed certain where they were anymore, or how they'd gotten there.
一阵释然的叹息与哼声证实了主管的怀疑。打给控制中心总机的困惑电话。几乎每一张脸上迷惘的神情。一切似乎都并非原样，无人能确认身在何处，也不知道是如何到达的。
"Certain of our number, absent at the moment, seem convinced we are fighting some sort of internal struggle. A civil war within the facility. I have not yet had time to access the full records, but they do appear to corroborate this. Are any of you already familiar with these facts? You are in no danger if you admit it."
“我们中有几位缺席，他们似乎坚信我们正与某种内部敌人对抗。设施内战。我当前并未阅览全部记录，但记录似乎与这种说法匹配。你们了解此事吗？承认并不会招致危险。”
Each one of the others shook their heads in absolute negation.
每一个人都否认地摇头。
The Director sat back, tapping their nose, thinking in silence for a moment. "Dr. Bradbury?" they finally offered. "Theories?"
主管向后靠，敲着鼻子沉思了一会儿。“Bradbury博士？”他最终问。“有理论吗？”
"Dipshit tried to stop a breach in 2002." Dipshit was… well. Everyone knew who dipshit was. The Director was well past trying to convince them to stop calling him that. What could it hurt anyway, now that he was dead? "The same breach happened again twenty years later. Modelling is still in progress… yes?"
“搅屎棍2002年试图阻止一场突破。”搅屎棍是……呃。谁都知道搅屎棍是谁。主管早就放弃让他们别那么叫了。既然他已经死了，这又会伤到谁的心？“同一场突破二十年后又发生了。模型还在调整……对吗？”
Across the table, Bremmel's head bobbed up and down absently. He wasn't looking at her. He was staring at something on his work tablet.
桌对面，Bremmel心不在焉地点着头。他没有看她。他正盯着工作平板上的什么东西。
"Still waiting on models," she continued, "but it seems pretty obvious we just had the exact same breach again. Except it wasn't exactly the same. Something changed."
“还在等模型，”她继续说。“但很显然，同一场突破前不久又来了一次。只不过不完全一样。有东西变了。”
"Radcliffe's directions," Zaman nodded. "Blank and Lillihammer survived."
“Radcliffe指的路，”Zaman点了点头。“Blank和Lillihammer活下来了。”
"And Reuben didn't activate the charges," Bradbury added. She looked as conflicted as the Director had ever seen her.
“Reuben也没有启动爆弹，”Bradbury补充。主管从没见过她如此纠结的样子。
"And these things in tandem appear to have radically altered the nature of our present situation," the Director agreed. "I'm not yet clear on why. It seems most of the relevant records are locked down with either Chief Mukami's or Chief Gwilherm's personal access codes, presumably for compartmentalization reasons."
“这些事件的总和似乎彻底改变了我们现状的本质，”主管同意。“我还不明白为什么。似乎多数相关记录都被Mukami部长或Gwilherm部长的个人密码锁定了，想必是为了区分。”
"Do you think they're operating outside channels?" Adrijan Zlatá, the oldest and also most senior thaumaturge, cricked his neck with a disgusting pop. "Gone mad, or gone over?"
“你觉得他们有在控制另一套人马吗？”最老也是资历最高的骑术师Adrijan Zlatá扭了扭脖子，发出一声恶心的咔。“疯了，或者叛逃了？”
"Gone over to what?" Zaman demanded. "There's no sides here. The Site isn't a battleground. What's there to win? Dominion over a few hundred huddled… whatever we're claiming to be, now?"
“叛逃去哪里？”Zaman问。“又没有不同边。站点不是战场。有什么好赢的？统治几百个……不管我们自称什么。”
"We are the SCP Foundation," the Director reminded him. "It's not a claim. It's burned into the noösphere."
“我们是SCP基金会，”主管提醒他。“这不是自称。这刻进了理念圈。”
"If all the squirrels in the world share a single thought," Zaman sneered, "that's got ten times more traction than anything humans hold dear."
“如果世界上所有松鼠共享一套思维，”Zaman嘲讽道，“那力量可比任何人类珍视的东西都要强。”
"Are there that many squirrels left?" Bremmel had just looked up for the first time. "I did not know that."
“还有那么多松鼠活着？”Bremmel第一次抬头。“这我不知道。”
In their younger days, the Director might have interjected earlier to restore order. Or maybe they wouldn't have. It didn't take a master face-reader to see that everyone in the room was near their wits' end. A little levity, a little swaying off-track, might help keep them on the straight and narrow in the long run. They had to vent somehow. "Be that as it may," they nodded at the H&R Chief, "until a better modus operandi suggests itself, I think we ought to continue operating as we have done in the past. It has kept us alive, thus far."
如果更年轻一点，主管会早早打断他们重建秩序。或许也不会。不用做察言观色大师也看得出房间里所有人都紧绷了太久。一点点轻浮，一点点插科打诨可能有助于让他们在这座独木桥上走下去。他们得发泄出来。“尽管如此，”彵向H&R部长点点头，“除非出现了更好的办法，我想我们应该继续以往的管理方法。目前，这让我们活着。”
"For whatever good that does anyone," Bremmel muttered, and went back to monitoring his models.
“为了大家好(？)，”Bremmel咕哝着，又看回了他的模型。
"So, what do we do?" Polyxeni Mataxas, the Chair of Spectrometry and Spectremetry, rarely had much to say in these meetings. Her province was the dead, not the nearly-so. "Haul them in, ask them to explain themselves? These are some of the most dangerous, and most vital, people on staff. If they think we've all gone 'round the bend…"
“那么我们要做什么？”神秘现象测定部主席Polyxeni Mataxas在这些会议中几乎没什么能说的。她的专业领域是死者，不是将死之人。“把他们拖进来，让他们自己解释？那些人是员工里最危险也最重要的。如果他们以为我们都疯了……”
"Most are members of this group," the Director reminded her. "And all have done right by us in a difficult situation for over a year now. We're going to need to trust them to see things rationally."
“他们大多属于这个群体，”主管提醒她。“也都与我们共度了一年的艰险。我们必须信任他们，他们会理性看待的。”
"You're fucking insane," said Gwilherm.
“你们他妈疯了吧？”Gwilherm说。
The Director had considered one-on-one meetings, but not for very long. Having the unaffected members of the C&C on hand to back them up, they'd thought, would lend gravity to what they had to say.
主管想过一对一谈话，但很快改了主意。他觉得，有未受影响的主席与部长给彵撑腰，可以让彵必须说的话多些分量。
"All of you," she added. "All of you are out of your minds."
“你们所有人，”她补充。“你们全失了魂。”
So much for that.
到此为止。
The Director glanced at the door, where two senior guards were posted. Standing side by side and to attention, they looked like a gigantic slab of beef with a variable sear. If things went ugly, they wouldn't go Gwilherm's way.
主管瞥了一眼门口，两个高级警卫守在那里。他们肩并肩站在一起，全神贯注，看起来就像两大块厚牛排，不过熟度不同。如果事情走向不妙，他们不会顺Gwilherm的意。
"We've conducted a survey of every member of personnel in immediate contact with Ops Control." Zulfikar Alomerović, the Director's secretary, passed her a few sheets of paper — the Director had a brief burst of nostalgia for the days when they could slide pages across the table — and the MTF Chief pointedly ignored them. "Nobody remembers anything over the past year that could have put all of R&E off-limits. Nobody remembers who you're fighting."
“我们调查了每一位能与控制中心即刻联系的人员。”主管助理Zulfikar Alomerovic递给她几张纸——主管突然有些怀念还能在桌上传纸的日子——而MTF部长刻意无视了他。“没有人记得过去一年里发生了什么能让整个R&E成为禁区。没有人记得你在与谁战斗。”
Gwilherm was shaking in her wheelchair. "I've lost ten good people just this month," she snarled. "You're saying they died for a bunch of braindead assholes who don't even care?"
Gwilherm在轮椅上颤抖。“我光这个月就失去了十个人才，”她咆哮着。“你是说他们是为了一帮根本不在乎的脑死亡混蛋而死的？”
"We're saying," Bradbury said in her best, soothing tones — it gave the Director a little flare of affection to see her making the effort — "that we need your help to figure out what's going on, because we're all in the dark here."
“我们是说，”Bradbury尽她所能地劝道——见她有在努力，主管感到一阵欣慰——“我们需要你的帮助，才能明白发生了什么，因为我们全都一头雾水。”
Gwilherm looked from face to face to face, then seemed to come to a sort of conclusion.
Gwilherm依次看向他们，接着似乎有了想法。
Faster than the Director would have guessed, she had her sidearm in her hands, and it was pointed at their face.
她以迅雷不及掩耳之势拔出了枪，指向主管的脸。
"Chief." It came out in a tone of warning that surprised even the Director with its evenness.
“部长。”他警告道，语调的平静甚至惊到了主管自己。
"She got to you." Gwilherm's eyes were wild. "Or he did. Doesn't matter. Point is, you're all compromised. I'm not going to be your prisoner."
“她找上你们了。”Gwilherm神色激动。“或者他。不重要。关键是你们都屈服了。我可不会当你们的囚犯。”
"Please don't do this." Sometimes the Director's well-known capacity for appearing reasonable really did work against them. They were begging her to see reason, and it wasn't for show. They were legitimately terrified at the thought of losing her. "Please don't make this escalate. You should know you're outnumbered here."
“请不要这样。”有时，主管人尽皆知的通情达理真的不利于彵。彵恳求她理解，不是为了演给谁看。彵理所当然害怕失去她。“请不要让形势恶化。你应该知道你寡不敌众。”
"Actually," Radcliffe rumbled from the door, "she isn't."
“其实，”Radcliffe低沉的声音从门口传来，“她有帮手。”
There was no telltale click, nor did the atmosphere in the room shift noticeably. Mostly it was the looks on the faces around the table that told the Director the big man had turned his weapon on the centre seat.
没有什么上膛的咔哒声，也没有明显的气氛变化。主要是桌边一张张脸上的表情告诉主管，大个子男人举枪对准了主位。
"I was under the impression," they murmured, "that the two of you weren't on speaking terms."
“据我所知，”他喃喃地说，“你们两位相处得不太好。”
"Doesn't matter." Radcliffe's low voice was shot through with suspicion. "I'm with her. You're all tripping balls. How could you forget, if it wasn't them who made you?"
“不重要。”Radcliffe低沉的声音中满是怀疑。“我支持她。你们都失心疯了。如果不是因为他们，你们怎么会忘记？”
"Stewie is a terrible shot, sir," Yancy reported from the door. "But between the two of them, I don't like your odds, and he is at very close range. Still, give the order—"
“Stewie准头很烂，长官，”Yancy在门边报告。“但你的机会还是不大。而且他确实距离很近。不过，如有命令——”
The Director didn't shake their head, but they put as much negation into their voice as their dried and clenched-up throat would allow. "No, thank you. Let's all keep level heads. Chief Gwilherm—"
主管没有摇头，而是用干涩又紧张的喉咙尽可能表示反对。“不必，谢谢你。各位请冷静。Gwilherm部长——”
"Call me Janet," she grinned manically.
“叫我Janet，”她狂躁地笑着。
"Janet," they agreed. "I have a proposition."
“Janet，”彵从善如流。“我有个提议。”
She inclined her head. Go on.
她点了一下头。说。
"Dr. Del Olmo is waiting in the next room. Use your override to lock this door, and have him escort you to his laboratory, or his quarters, or wherever he's set up shop at present. Bring back clearing agents, cognitive enhancers, whatever he thinks is necessary to determine our mental states are trustworthy, and you may apply them to us without a struggle. We will comply. You have my word."
“Del Olmo博士在隔壁等待。用你的超控权限锁上这扇门，让他带你去他的实验室或者宿舍，或者随便什么他的工作站在的地方，带来净化模因、认知强化剂、随便什么他觉得有必要用来确认我们值得信任的东西，你们可以对我们使用，我们不会反抗。我向你保证。”
"I've had words from Lillian Lillihammer's mouth before," Gwilherm snapped. "They cost me a month of my life."
“我信过Lillian Lillihammer的嘴，”Gwilherm厉声说。“那折了我一个月的寿。”
The Director slowly raised both hands. "We are at your mercy," they reminded her. "I ask only that you exercise it."
主管缓缓举起双手。“我们任你摆布，”彵提醒她。“我只希望你能有所行动。”
It took four hours of rigorous testing before Del Olmo was fully satisfied. Gwilherm was only satisfied enough to begrudgingly admit they were probably telling the truth.
严格测试了四个小时，Del Olmo才终于满意。而Gwilherm只是勉强承认他们大概在说实话。
With the wayward personnel apprised of the situation — a quick census confirmed they numbered seven in total, Ambrogi, Del Olmo, Gwilherm, Markey, Mukami, Radcliffe and Wirth — it was their turn to make explanation.
向与众不同的人员告知情况后——快速清点确认他们共有七人：Ambrogi、Del Olmo、Gwilherm、Markey、Mukami、Radcliffe与Wirth——轮到他们作出解释了。
"We never should have opened that door," Gwilherm finished.
“我们就不该打开那扇门，”Gwilherm说完。
"There was no way to know," Markey reminded her. "And it's not like we ever could have ignored it. Not forever. Not when everything else in the whole damn refinery went up in smoke, and that big block of bedrock with the big round door was just sitting there, begging to be noticed."
“事先不可能知道，”Markey提醒她。“我们也不可能一直无视它。整个消解厂烟消云散，那一大块基岩却完好无损，上面还有一大扇圆门，不可能注意不到。”
"Pandora's Box." Del Olmo had the decency to look embarrassed by the analogy. "Trite, but essentially accurate."
“潘多拉魔盒。”Del Olmo说出这个比喻时有些许尴尬。“老套，但基本准确。”
They were talking about the eighth of September, of course. But they weren't talking about yesterday.
理所当然，他们在说九月八日。但他们说的不是昨天。
They were talking about 2022.
他们说的是2002年。
"You've been dealing with this for a year?" the Director asked. Nods all around.
“你们应对这种东西有一年了？”主管问。几人都点起了头。
There was no need to ask for numbers. They'd been on the big board since the big switch, and Clio had confirmed they were up to date. Nearly half the Site's population had been rendered insane by the two refugees from the afterlife who'd smuggled themselves into the fold in a two by two by two block of soiled stone paste.
不必说具体数值。大转变之后，这些数据就一直显示在大屏幕上，Clio也确认过那就是最新数据。近半数站点人员已被两名来自冥界的难民弄疯了——他们藏身于一块两米见方的污浊水泥块中，偷偷混进了站点。
"Lillian's the more dangerous of them." Del Olmo couldn't keep pride fully out of the complex equation defining his tone, though horror and despair were the most prominent variables. "She's—"
“Lillihammer更加危险。”Del Olmo藏不住语气中的骄傲，尽管决定语气的更多是恐惧与绝望。“她——”
The lights went out.
灯灭了。
"—here," a lilting female voice finished for him. "And wondering why you're in her chair."
“——在这里，”一个轻快的女声替他说完。“想知道你为什么坐了她的椅子。”
This time both Gwilherm and Mukami snapped to action. Even in the dark, the Director could hear the sharp intake of breath, two weapons leaving their holsters, two triggers clicking home.
这次Gwilherm和Mukami都动了。即便在黑暗中，主管也能听见那急促的吸气声，两把枪离开了枪套，两枚扳机扣动。
What they didn't hear was gunshots. The room went silent as death.
但他没听见枪响。房间内一片死寂。
It being so dark, they didn't realize they'd been unconscious until they woke up.
太黑了，彵醒来时才意识到自己昏过去了。
Placeholder hadn't traded more than two or three words with Markey since waking up in a straitjacket at Site-43. He'd said "sorry" once, when he found the man waiting outside a bathroom stall with a constipated expression on his face. He'd probably said at least one other "sorry"; he had to apologize for his absent-mindedness frequently, and he rarely remembered afterward. Because of the absent-mindedness.
Placeholder在Site-43穿着约束服醒来，醒来后还没有和Markey说上几个字。他说过一声“抱歉”，当时发现对方正蹲在厕所隔间外，脸上挂着便秘般的苦相。他大概还说过至少一次“抱歉”；他总得为自己的心不在焉频频道歉，事后却鲜少记得。正因为心不在焉。
Once, looking at the almost-finished prototype of the REISNO Cannon, Markey had remarked approvingly: "Nice." Then he'd waved off Place's attempt to explain what it was.
有一次，Markey看着REISNO大炮近乎完工的原型机，赞许地说：“不错。”随后他挥手制止Place的解释。
I guess he's decided he really wants to know.
我想他会自己觉得要了解什么。
The containment specialist who was built like a retired workhorse was pulling him down the hall by his arm, in the direction of the secluded little lab in I&T where the Cannon sat in purgatory. Nobody knew what to do with it now, so they'd locked it away and purged the records of all mention. Place could think of a few reasons Markey would want to see it right now, and none of them boded well.
身材如退役驮马般的收容专家正拽着他的胳膊穿过走廊，朝I&T那间僻静的小实验室走去——大炮藏身的炼狱。如今无人知晓该如何处置它，于是他们将它锁起来，顺带销毁了所有相关记录。Place能想到Markey此刻想见它的几个理由，但没有一个是好兆头。
The lights went out.
灯灭了。
Markey swore, and produced a powerful penlight from his labcoat. All the lights issued to staff since the first days in hell were powerful, and when they died, the bulbs frosted up and shattered. In many ways, this world was a continual Christmas for Trevor Bremmel — a jolly and very red Santa Claus who made all his own marvellous toys from scratch.
Markey骂了一声，从实验袍里掏出一支明亮的手电筒。从坠入地狱的第一天起，发放给人员的所有照明设备都极亮，而当它们耗尽能量时，灯泡会结霜碎裂。对Trevor Bremmel而言，这个世界在许多方面如同永远的圣诞节——一位欢快又红得不得了的圣诞老人，亲手从零开始打造出所有奇妙玩具。
Markey stuck a key into the REISNO Cannon's closet door, and pushed it open. Nobody but Placeholder and the Director were supposed to have keys. In fact, it hadn't looked like the same lock at all—
Markey将钥匙插入REISNO大炮的储物间门，用力推开。按规定，只有Placeholder和主管可持有钥匙。其实，这把锁看起来都完全不像原来的样子——
Markey hauled them both in, and kicked the door closed behind them. He stuffed the light into the neckline of his sweater, having opened up the threads in the ruff long ago for just this purpose, and illuminated his chin like he was about to start telling ghost stories.
Markey把他拽进去，踢上门。他把灯塞进毛衣领口——很久以前就特意拆开了领口的线头，只为此刻——灯光照着他的下巴，像是他要讲鬼故事。
"They've taken over," he said.
“他们掌控了局势，”他说。
Placeholder nodded. "That's good. Or…?"
Placeholder点点头。“是好事。还是……？”
"I'm talking about Lillihammer and Blank. So no, that's not good. You said you had contingencies."
“我说的是Lillihammer和Blank。所以不是好事。你说你有应急方案。”
He found he was still nodding. "Did I? That's good. Did I say what they were?"
他发现自己还在点头。“是吗？那挺好。我说过在哪里找吗？”
The other man stared at him, then placed a hand on the massive engine beside them. "Can you use this to get a message into Ops Control?"
对方瞪着他，随后伸手搭在身旁那台庞大的机器上。“你能用这个把消息传到控制中心吗？”
"Not unless you or I are already there."
“不能，除非你或我早就在那里。”
The grimace was a scowl now. "Can you send a message to yourself, or can I send one to my self, warning them that the power draw was actually them charging up an EMP?"
苦脸变成了怒容。“你能给自己发消息吗？或者我能不能给我自己发消息，警告他们那电力缺口其实是他们在给EMP充电？”
Placeholder hurriedly discarded the parts of that sentence, fascinating though they were, that he didn't require in order to craft an answer. Then, he answered. "No. Not unless you or I already did receive that warning. Did you? I didn't."
Placeholder匆忙舍弃了那句话中虽引人入胜却与构思答复无关的部分。他答道：“不能。除非你或我早已收到过那番警告。你收到了吗？我没收到过。”
The other man managed to look imposing, despite being a few inches shorter. It was probably the girth. "Listen. We just lost the nerve centre. Most of the C&C. Most of your friends, and mine." He paused. "How come you didn't get called to the meeting?"
对方尽管矮了一点，却显得气势汹汹。大概是因为他那强壮的体格吧。“听着。我们刚失去了神经中枢。大部分主席与部长。你我的很多朋友。”他停顿了一下。“为什么你没被叫去开会？”
"If I had to guess?" He really didn't. "Some combination of they still think I'm a little bit insane, and they don't think of me as one of them, and they wish they had Du back, and probably they think the Cannon going all wrong was my fault."
“一定要我猜？”他并不想猜。“他们中有些人还是觉得我疯了，也不认同我是自己人，他们希望Du能回来，还有他们可能觉得大炮出问题都是我的错。”
"Du?" Markey narrowed his already comically small eyes. "What's wrong with… never mind. What did go wrong?"
“Du？”Markey眯起本就不大的眼睛。“他怎么……算了。到底有什么出问题了？”
"Well," Place hedged, "that's not really my premise to defend. I think it worked just fine, given our man seems to have decided to kamikaze himself, and at least half of that apparently went swimmingly." He was talking very fast, now. Since Markey was following, he resolved to talk faster. "I think the subsequent changes — which I haven't had time to examine in detail — are due to some other unresolved issue in the relationship between Dr. Deering's attempt to alter the past, wherever that originated from, its knock-on effects on that past itself, and the second causal and effectuous loop bouncing back from 2002 when…" He stopped. "You're not really getting this, are you."
“嗯，”Place含糊其辞，“其实问题不在大炮。我觉得计划执行得挺好，毕竟那家伙似乎决定自杀式袭击自己，而且至少一半显然进展得相当顺利。”他说得很快。既然Markey能跟上，他决定加快语速。“后续的变动——我还没来得及仔细研究——我认为是源于Deering博士试图改变过去时引发的连锁反应，无论源自何处，它对过去本身造成的连锁效应，以及2002年那个因果循环的反弹效应……”他突然停住。“你根本没听懂吧。”
"Not the way you mean," said Markey. "I am getting why they think you're crazy. But you know what's great about that?"
“没懂你说的，”Markey说。“倒是懂了为什么他们觉得你疯了。但你知道这一点有什么好处吗？”
Placeholder shook his head. Wordlessly; it seemed more economical that way. Perhaps even safer, if the way the burly man was flushing was anything to judge by.
Placeholder摇摇头。他沉默不语；似乎这样更省事。也许还更安全——至少从那个壮汉涨红的脸来看是这样
Markey put his arm around Place's shoulder, and the light slid down into his sweater to shine dully through the sparse woolen threads. "They're both crazy, too. Maybe if we're really lucky, your crazy and their crazy will cancel out when you meet."
Markey揽住Place的肩膀，手电筒顺着衣领滑落，光线透过稀疏的羊毛织物昏暗地透出来。“他们俩也疯了。或许我们运气够好，等你们见面时，你的疯和他们的疯就能抵消掉。”
Placeholder was, he could admit in his own company, at least a little bit of a mad scientist.
Placeholder可以承认，自己确实有点像疯狂科学家。
One important distinction between the types was that regular scientists took a long time to reach a conclusion, then spent a longer time trying to convince themselves it was wrong.
两类科学家之间重要的区别在于：普通科学家需要很长时间才能得出结论，然后又花更长时间试图说服自己这个结论是错误的。
Place, on the other hand, realized in no time flat that he didn't need to figure out why Markey knew what was happening, and he didn't. Nor was it important that Markey know Place didn't know.
而Place呢，眨眼间就意识到，他根本不必费心去琢磨Markey为何知晓内情，于是他没琢磨。同样无关紧要的是，Markey是否知道Place其实一无所知。
All that mattered was that Place heard the salient details, internalized them, then got a solid hour to himself to mull it over.
关键在于，Place听到了核心细节，记在心里，随后有了整整一小时独处时间来反复斟酌。
Markey locked him in the closet with the Cannon, promising to keep watch.
Markey把他和大炮一起锁在了储物间里，保证会注意他。
Probably that was a lie.
大概是在说谎。
Lillihammer leaned back in the Director's comfortable chair, and smiled. It didn't spread the way it once had. Her muscles seemed curiously inelastic. "This is why you never take holidays in wartime. Prisoner's dilemma."
Lillihammer坐在主管的舒适座椅里向后靠去，嘴角浮起一抹微笑。那笑容不像从前那般舒展。她的肌肉似乎变得异常僵硬。“这就是为什么战争时期绝不能休假。囚徒困境。”
On her right, Blank's brow did its best impression of a farmer's field. The scar running down one side of his face flexed unpleasantly. "Except both sides did, in almost every war. Pretty famously, even."
在她右侧，Blank的额头活像一片农田。那道纵贯脸颊的疤痕正令人不快地抽搐着。“不过双方都干过这事，几乎每场战争都如此。甚至还相当出名呢。”
She nodded indulgently at him. "Well, we can schedule a hockey game, or whatever, once the odds are fully in our favour. Right now we've got recruiting to do."
她纵容地对他点点头。“嗯，等胜算完全掌握在我们手中时，我们可以安排一场冰球赛，或者其他什么活动。眼下我们得先招募新成员。”
The Director was still getting used to the light, dim and monochromatic as it was. They'd been locked in a closet for… they didn't really know how long. It had the effect of a sensory deprivation tank. They'd almost thought they could hear their own thoughts before it was over. They'd started wondering if they were speaking them aloud. What a marvellously efficient means of automatically conducting interrogation.
主管还在适应这昏暗的单色光。彵被关在储物柜里关了……不知多久。简直像感官剥夺舱。出来之前，彵几乎以为能听见自己的思绪。甚至开始怀疑那些念头是否已化作言语脱口而出。多么高效绝妙的自动审讯手段啊。
Now they were seated where there usually was no seat, at the far end of the table from Lillihammer, with the rest of the Chairs and Chiefs in their usual places. The Director's predecessor-successor was smiling beneficently at them, and with no particular reason not to, they smiled back. "Recruiting," they repeated. "I wouldn't think that was necessary."
此刻彵坐在本来没有椅子的位置上——距离Lillihammer最远的桌尾，其余的主席与部长都坐在惯常的座位上。前任兼继任主管正慈爱地向彵微笑，彵也回以微笑，毕竟没有理由不笑。“招募，”彵重复道。“我想没必要吧。”
"No?" Her voice was just this side of sing-song. "Why not?"
“没必要？”她的声音带着几分调皮的腔调。“为什么呢？”
"If you're the Director, we should all be following your lead anyway. Isn't that protocol?"
“如果你是主管，我们就应该遵从你的领导。协议规定的啊？”
"Protocol," Blank chuckled. "You haven't been following protocol for months. You're a rabble. You bled," he slapped the table suddenly, and everyone but Lillihammer and Sokolsky jumped, "and you BLED, and then you found something that worked, and then you stopped trying. Was that protocol?" He turned to address Lillihammer. "Was that the charge you got from the O5 Council? 'Push problems into a corner, and then ignore them for as long as you can. So you don't get your hands dirty and your feelings hurt no more'. Was that about the gist, Lil?"
“协议，”Blank轻声笑了起来。“你们已经数月违背协议行事。你们就是一帮乌合之众。你们流血，”他猛地拍桌，除Lillihammer和Sokolsky外众人都吓了一跳，“你们流血，后来找到管用的方法，立马就停止尝试。这叫遵循协议？”他转向Lillihammer问。“这就是O5议会交给你们的任务吗？‘把问题塞进角落，能拖多久就拖多久。这样既不脏手也不用难受’。大意是这样吧，Lil？”
She shook her head. "No, I think there was something in there about rising to challenges, et cetera. Honestly I wasn't listening too closely. That grody half-robot voice grates on me, and the origin grates a lot more, and anyway I got into memetics in the first place because robots got too boring."
她摇摇头。“不对，我记得里面提到过迎接挑战之类的话。说实话我没太认真听。那讨厌的半机械音听着烦心，说话的人更是让我抓狂，而且反正我当初去研究模因就是因为机器人太无聊了。”
It occurred to the Director that it had been a mistake to interrogate the Site's defenders before determining the nature of their defence. The brief changing of the guard had been enough to lose the advantage, whatever it had been. They wondered how the others had managed to keep these two caged for so long.
主管突然意识到，实在不应该在确认站点的守护者在抵御什么之前审问他们。守卫换了几个，优势便永不复回，不论曾有何种优势。彵想知道他们是如何把这两个人关住这那么久的。
They also wondered what it was about them that made them dangerous enough to cage in the first place. "So far all I'm hearing is hot air and self-satisfied rambling." They kept the smile in place. "I know you're a memeticist, Lillian, but this isn't your usual method of talking people to death. Are you thinking of getting into pataphysics?"
She squealed with delight, and for the first time they were convinced. That is not Lillian Lillihammer. "Are you taunting me?" She looked at Blank, eyes dancing. Excited. "Did you hear that? The Chief is taunting me!"
彵还想知道他们是怎么了，为什么最开始会危险到要被关起来。“目前我只听见了空谈和自吹自擂。”彵保持微笑。“我知道你是模因学家，Lillian，但这可不像你平时把人说死的架势。你考虑过研究超形上学吗？”她开心地尖声笑起来，彵终于确定了。这不是Lillian Lillihammer。“你在挑衅我吗？”她看向Blank，眼神雀跃。激动。“你听见了吗？全局主管想挑衅我！”
"Maybe they think you'll make a mistake when you're angry," Blank guessed.
“也许彵以为你生气了就会犯错，”Blank猜测。
"No," she said, "they know me better than that. When am I not angry? And when have I ever made mistakes?" She clapped her hands. "They must be trying to prompt a demonstration." She glanced up at the corners of the room, where nothing obtrusively watched her back. "So whoever else is monitoring might learn something from this little head-to-head."
“不对，”她说，“彵没那么不了解我。我什么时候不生气？又有哪一次犯过错？”她一拍手。“彵一定是想激我们展示。”她抬头看向天花板角落，那里没有什么显眼的东西。“这样监控的人就可以从这场正面交锋中看出什么。”
Sarcasm or not, she wasn't wrong. Please let someone be monitoring.
不管她是不是在挖苦，都没有说错。拜托能有人监控。
"You gonna indulge them?" Harry put his feet up on the table. There was something encrusted in the ridges of his boot soles. Something curdled. "I don't see the harm."
“你要满足彵？”Harry把脚架到桌上。他的鞋底上嵌了什么东西。凝固的东西。“倒也没坏处。”
"We could tag-team," she suggested.
“我们可以轮流来，”她提议。
"We could." He pointed across the table-head, to where Bradbury sat shaking with unsuppressed rage and horror. "Hey Mel. How's married life?"
“的确可以。”他指向桌对面的Bradbury，她颤抖着，毫不掩饰心中的怒火与恐惧。“嘿Mel，婚后生活怎么样？”
"Leave her alone," Wirth murmured. There was no threat in his voice. There didn't need to be. His eyes said it all.
“别烦她，”Wirth喃喃地说。语调中没有威胁。没有必要。他的眼神表达了一切。
"That's a fun choice of words," Blank grinned. "Hey, Mel. I'm talking to you." He snapped his fingers. "You're listening."
“这个说法很有意思，”Blank咧嘴一笑。“嘿，Mel，我在跟你说话。”他打了个响指。“你在听我说话。”
Her head snapped up, and her eyes widened as their gazes locked. She opened her mouth to say something. But didn't.
她突然抬头与Blank对上视线，睁大了眼。她张嘴要说什么。但什么都没说出来。
Blank gestured casually at Wirth. "Shame he died in the breach, isn't it?"
Blank漫不经心地指了一下Wirth。“真可惜他死在了突破里，不是吗？”
Her jaw dropped, and her eyes filled instantly with tears.
她张大了嘴，眼中瞬间蓄满了泪水。
"No," Blank mused, still keeping eye contact. "It isn't, actually. It isn't a shame. You and I both know he was never good enough."
“不，”Blank思索着，依然与她对视。“其实不可惜。你我都知道他从来都不够好。”
Tears now streaked an eerily neutral expression. Wirth took her right hand in both of his, and clutched it tightly. "Mel, I'm here. I'm right here. Look at me."
泪水很快收回，表情也诡异地消失。Wirth双手紧紧握住她的右手。“Mel，我在这儿。我就在这里。看看我。”
She gave no sign that she'd heard him. Didn't even flinch when he tightened his grip.
她似乎完全没听见他。他握紧她的手时，她也没有一点反应。
"Fact is," Blank drawled, now looking up at the ceiling as though showing off the extent of his power, "he was only ever consolation. And not much at that. You showed him what he wanted to see. You've always been great at that. Mel, you know these morons don't have what it takes to form their own ideas, right?" He leaned forward suddenly, and the chair leapt on the carpet as he swung his legs back under the desk and leaned forward, hands clasped on the scratched-up wood. "What's say you and I team up again? The B&B Commission, back in action. By royal decree. Telling it like it is. Making our," and he winked at her, "recommendations. That sound good?"
“实际上，”Blank拖长调子说。他抬头看着天花板，仿佛在炫耀他的伟力。“他不过是个慰藉。抚慰不了什么。你给他展示他想看到的。你总是很擅长。Mel，你知道的，这些傻瓜根本没有自己的思想，对吧？”他突然把脚放回桌子下，椅子在地毯上弹起来，他顺势向前靠，双手握拳扣在刮花的木桌上。“不如我们再次组队？B&B委员会重出江湖。奉命行事。实话实说。(？)我们来，”他向她眨眨眼，“提建议(？)。听起来不错吧？”
Wordlessly, she nodded.
她无言地点头。
"Awesome." He rolled his shoulders, and looked to Lillihammer again. "You want to go next?"
“好极了。”他动了动肩膀，又看向Lillihammer。“下一个你来？”
"Showboat," she smirked. She glanced around the table, staring with the unresponsive Bradbury and the frantic Wirth — pawing at his wife's labcoat, begging her to look at him — and following the circuit past the Director, all the way to the man sitting at Blank's left. Trevor Bremmel.
“卖弄，”她微微一笑。她环视桌边，看向没有反应的Bradbury和慌张的Wirth——他抓着妻子的实验袍求他看看他——接着视线掠过主管，一直看到Blank左侧的人。Trevor Bremmel。
She looked at him. He looked away.
她看向他。他移开视线。
Her eyes, thought the Director, are so very blue.
她的眼睛，主管想，是那么湛蓝。
Wait.
等等。
Her eyes were red, like everything else. They must have imagined it. Perhaps she'd made them do so. Perhaps…
她的眼睛是红色的，与其余一切并无不同。那一定是彵想象出来的。也许是她操控的。也许……
Bremmel looked at Lillihammer, a slow smile creeping across his piggy features. Then he turned to face the Director, grinning widely, eyes black and dead.
Bremmel看向Lillihammer，笑容慢慢爬上了他胖乎乎的脸。然后他面向主管，咧开嘴笑着，双目无光又死寂。
Then Lillihammer looked to the other side of the table, at Wirth. Then back across again, at the redoubtable Noor Zaman. Then Janet Gwilherm, Ana Mukami, Polyxeni Mataxas, Daniil Sokolsky…
随后Lillihammer看向Bremmel对面的Wirth。又看回另一边，看向可敬的Noor Zaman。接着是Janet Gwilherm、Ana Mukami、Polyxeni Mataxas、Daniil Sokolsky……
…and one by one, their lights went out, and they turned to grin at the Director, too.
……一个接一个，他们眼中的光灭了，他们也面向主管，笑着。
They knew that grin. Knew it well.
他认识那笑容。十分熟悉。
Lillihammer was modelling the original, badly. And when hers widened as far as it would apparently go, the chamber full of echoes followed suit.
Lillihammer正拙劣地模仿原型。她尽可能地咧嘴，房间内的追随者也随之服从。
"Now who's showing off," Blank grumbled. But he was smiling, too. The crack on his cheek began bleeding. The blood was thick, and slow.
“谁又在炫技啊，”Blank抱怨着。但他也在笑。他脸上的伤口裂开。血液缓缓流出，粘稠而浓厚。
Markey shut off the feed. "You got all that?"
Markey关闭画面。“都看到了？”
Placeholder nodded.
Placeholder点点头。
The specialist glanced over the shutdown report for the camera hack, and clicked his tongue approvingly. "Hazard screens held. She didn't fry our pastry. Didn't think she would." Something in his tone didn't speak to total honesty.
收容专家看了一眼黑入摄像头的关机报告，满意地咂咂舌。“危害屏蔽层撑住了。她没把我们的脑子烤熟。想来也不会。”他的语调透露出他没完全说实话。
Placeholder sat on the Cannon's frame, lost in thought, as Markey unplugged the wireless hotspot and tucked his tablet back into his labcoat. He allowed a few minutes for contemplation, then put both hands on his hips and said "Well? First impressions?"
Placeholder坐在大炮外壳上沉思，而Markey拔出无线热点，把平板塞回实验袍内。Markey给了他几分钟来思考，然后双手叉腰，说：“那么，初见有什么印象？”
"That's the most striking woman I've ever seen in my life," Place responded. As Markey's face broke open in something that looked a lot like the grins they'd just seen on the feed, but carried an altogether different meaning, Placeholder held up a hand to prevent interruption. "Obviously you're more interested in my second impressions, vis a vis how we're going to get the Site back and put those two corpses back in their box."
“这是我这辈子里见过的最引人注目的女人，”Place回答。Markey脸上突然绽放出笑容——那笑容与他们刚刚在监控画面中看到的如出一辙，寓意却截然不同——这时Placeholder举起一只手阻止对方插话。“显然你更想听我的后续印象，比如要怎么夺回站点，又如何把那两个死人关回盒子里。”
The gathering scowl weathered into a rueful smile. "Doesn't have to be the same box this time," Markey said. "I'm not particular."
渐渐皱起的眉头舒展成苦笑。“不必非得是同一个盒子，”Markey说。“我不挑。”
9月10日
For months, those members of personnel who still had firm grips on their sanity had been funnelling the victims of memetic indoctrination into the second sublevel cafeteria, slipping food and drink in when they could, until it became too dangerous to even attempt opening the doors. Stun agents hadn't worked on them. None of Del Olmo's methods for resetting people's brains had functioned. They'd been left to rot in their own filth, with only a desultory guard posted and the brief daily visits of their most conscientious jailers.
几个月来，依然清醒的人员一直在把模因洗脑的受害者塞进二层食堂，有时间就塞点吃的喝的，直到后来，仅仅开门都太过危险。致昏模因对他们无用。Del Olmo重置大脑的办法也全都没用。他们被扔在自己的脏东西里等死，门前只有一个散漫的警卫站岗，还有最负责任的狱卒每日检查。
When Placeholder had figured out the math regarding what to tell Markey, and what not to, he'd also made a few mental notes on who did and didn't understand what was going on. In one camp, Ambrogi and Markey; from what he'd heard secondhand about the first C&C meeting, at least five others shared their unique outlook. As did their nemeses, now in control of the Site's nerve centre.
Placeholder最终算清楚了什么能告诉Markey，什么不能，也记下了谁知道，谁不知道现状是怎么回事。前者有Ambrogi与Markey；据一些关于第一次主席与部长会议的二手消息说，至少还有五人有同样的记忆。还有，他们现在控制了站点神经中枢的宿敌也是。
In the other camp… apparently everyone else.
至于后者……显然是所有剩下的人。
He could think of no reason this condition would not be generalized.
他完全不知道为什么有人与众不同。
Of course, that wasn't the explanation he gave to Markey. There was still no reason to make the man suspicious. He was a containment specialist, and Place had no intention of being contained. Being confined was bad enough, even if there was nowhere to run beyond the confines of Site-43.
当然了，他不是这样给Markey解释的。没理由让他起疑心。他是收容专家，Place一点也不想被收容。被约束已经够糟糕的了，哪怕Site-43本身就是束缚。
"You're absolutely certain?" The codes were input, and Markey's finger hovered over the release switch.
“你完全肯定？”命令设置好了，Markey的手悬在启动按钮上。
"Absolutely," Place nodded. "She needs total control to overcome the CRV of the Site's top clearance personnel. And so does he. Trust me, I know a concentration spell when I see one."
“完全肯定，”Place点点头。“她必须完全专注才能攻破站点高权限人员的CRV。他也一样。相信我，我见到了就能知道回神咒语。”
Markey drew the finger back a centimetre. His hands were very steady for someone who frequently claimed to have arthritis. "Spell? I thought this was memetics, not thaumaturgy."
Markey的手指回撤了一厘米。对于一个总说自己有关节炎的人来说，他的手相当稳健。“咒语？我还以为要用模因，不是奇术呢。”
"Oh, just trust me and hit the god damn button, would you?" Placeholder snapped.
“拜托，信我，按下按钮吧，可以吗？”Placeholder厉声说。
Markey stared at him for a moment, shrugged, and followed through.
Markey凝视了他片刻，耸耸肩，照做了。
The moment the door slid open, Placeholder slid in and pulled it shut again. "Hi!" he shouted, and he spread his arms wide. "So right now you're all very confused, and probably angry, and Jesus Christ what is that smell."
门滑开，Placeholder立刻溜进去又把门关上。“嗨！”他张开双臂喊道。“现在你们肯定都很懵，可能还很生气，天啊这什么味道。”
Whatever the actual logic behind it had been, David had to admit the loon's gambit had paid off in spades.
无论背后真正的原理是什么，David不得不承认，那个疯子的计谋确实大获成功。
Lillihammer hadn't sent anyone to check on her imprisoned thralls, focusing her efforts on turning the control room staff and hierarchy. Their little army — their sick, shit-stained, utterly out-to-sea army — snuck unseen through the darkness of the dorms, keeping out of sight of those few cameras Markey couldn't knock out with his tablet, hotspot and credentials. The odds were improving, even if the stench wasn't.
Lillihammer并未派人来检查她被囚禁的奴隶，而是将精力集中在策反控制中心人员和管理层上。他们有了一支病恹恹、满身污秽、彻底迷失方向的小军队，悄无声息地穿梭于宿舍区的黑暗中，躲避着Markey无法用平板、热点和权限破坏的监控摄像头。胜算正在增加，但是恶臭未减。
The fact that none of them were crazy now — or at least no crazier than their various itches and stains would make anyone — went a long way to proving that David didn't have all the details yet. Place had a point, even if he made it awkwardly.
他们此刻都算不上疯癫——至少除了瘙痒和污渍引发的症状之外没有更疯——这恰恰证明David尚未掌握全部细节。Place的话不无道理，尽管他不太会表达。
His faith turned one notch back toward cynicism, however, when he realized the batty pataphysicist was leading them counter-clockwise. "You wouldn't happen," he hissed as they passed through another junction, "to be leading our happy band to R&E, now, would you?"
然而当他意识到这位疯狂超形上学家正带领他们逆时针行进时，他的信念又向愤世嫉俗倒退了一点。“你该不会，”他们经过另一个路口，他低声威胁，“正把我们这支快乐小队带向R&E吧？”
"There's a risk," Place admitted, glancing down at the bulge on Markey's hip as though he suspected, indeed hoped, it was a high-voltage taser. He was going to be very sorry to see it was just a backup flashlight. "There might be some recent losses walking around in there who're still with the bad guy program. But I can almost guarantee the odds aren't nearly as dire as you think."
“是有风险，”Place承认，目光扫过马基腰间的鼓包，仿佛他怀疑——甚至希望——那是一支高压电击枪。而发现那不过是备用手电筒时，他肯定非常遗憾。“那里可能游荡着些新近丧失意识的家伙，仍受恶人程序控制。但我几乎可以保证，情况远没有你想象的那么糟糕。”
Markey blinked at him in the near-blackness. "Almost guarantee."
Markey在近乎一片漆黑中眨眨眼。“几乎可以保证。”
"That's right."
“没错。”
Now Markey didn't blink.
这次Markey没眨眼。
Place sighed. "Sensory memetics aren't not a thing, David, but I for one would like to bring something more potent to bear than disgust and embarrassment when we cross paths with the word witch. Alright?"
Place叹了一口气。“探测模因并非不存在，David，但就我个人而言，我希望遇上文字女巫时，能拥有恶心和尴尬更强大的力量。明白吗？”
It was a fair point, whether he liked it or not.
这观点确实公允，无论他是否喜欢。
He hadn't liked it, but he was beginning to now.
他不喜欢，但现在开始喜欢了。
The halls of R&E were devoid of anything resembling traps, to everyone's surprise. Apparently Lillihammer and Blank relied on their peculiar talents, and the friends they'd won thereby, to keep their home secure. At every turn Markey expected to find some brainwashed agent with an automatic weapon, or a researcher with one of Bremmel's deadly experiments in hand; he sent the more capable, less sodden evacuees from the cafeteria to investigate branching paths with smaller cadres of their more unfortunate comrades in order to make for smaller targets, and lessen the possibility of one final, fatal strike.
令所有人惊讶的是，R&E的走廊里竟然见不到任何陷阱的踪影。显然，Lillihammer和Blank依靠他们独特的能力，以及由此结交的朋友，来守护自己的家园。Markey每走一步都提防着遇见手持自动枪械的被洗脑特工，或是身怀Bremmel致命实验品的研究员；他将食堂里能力较强、状态较好的解除洗脑人员派去探查岔路，让他们与更不幸的同伴组成小分队行动——这样既能减小目标，也能降低全军覆没的风险。
Nothing qualifying as a first strike fell, however, and it didn't take long to see why.
然而，他们没有遭受任何先手攻击，原因很快便显而易见。
The halls of R&E were not devoid of occupants. Most of these were keeping out of sight, gathering their thoughts in the darkest of dark corners, watching the motley procession and wrinkling their noses as it passed upwind. The ones who hadn't learned to fear the approach of strangers — more accurately, hadn't learned that people they thought they knew might have become strangers through the wonders of memetic alchemy — made themselves known of their own free will, and joined the throng with some convincing and no small amount of olfactory fortitude. The ones who had turned wise, they sought out.
R&E的走廊并非空无一人。大多数人躲在最阴暗的角落里，屏息凝神，目送这支杂牌队伍经过，而当队伍经过上风处时，他们纷纷皱起鼻子。那些尚未学会畏惧陌生人的人——更准确地说，尚未领悟到那些自以为熟悉的人，可能因模因炼金术的奇妙作用而变成陌生人的人——主动现身，怀着几分信服与不小的嗅觉方面勇气加入队伍。而对于那些明智的人，则由他们搜寻。
They sought them in abandoned laboratories filled with strange projects that even Place could not identify. In ransacked offices and bulldozed boardrooms. Eileen Veiksaar was hiding in a computer lab — where else? — beneath two long sets of tables, covered by the cables feeding into the rows of towers that also blocked her from view. Technician Charles Carter coaxed her out; one of the most recent losses to the cafeteria, he had the least foul air about him.
他们在废弃的实验室里搜寻，那些地方堆满连Place都认不出的怪异项目。在洗劫一空的办公室和被推平的会议室里搜寻。Eileen Veiksaar藏身于计算机实验室——还能在哪儿？——躲在两排长桌底下，通向成排主机塔的电缆遮掩着她，也挡住了她的视线。技术员Charles Carter把她劝了出来；作为最近才被关进食堂的人员，他身上沾染的污浊气息最淡。
"They were hunting me," she explained. She was blinking rapidly, but only with one eye. Every once in a while she raised her hand to cup the socket, as though the extra light was hurting her. Place tried not to think about why that might be. "I have no idea what they wanted, but it must have had something to do with the computers."
“他们在追捕我，”她解释。她正快速眨眼，一只眼。她不时抬手捂住眼窝，仿佛多余的光线会刺痛她。Place努力不去思考为什么会这样。“我完全不知道他们想要什么，但肯定和电脑有关。”
"Did you speak with them?" Markey asked her. "Either one?"
“你有跟他们说过话吗？”Markey问她。“随便哪一个？”
Her one consistent eye looked haunted. "I heard them. They came along to join the fun, a few times. Once I was in a crawlspace under the floor, and they were standing right on top of me. I heard them talking. Nothing important, but I heard them." She shook her head.
她那只完好的眼中透出惊惶。“我听见过他们。他们来凑热闹，有好几次。有次我躲在地板下的爬行通道里，他们就站在我正上方。我听见他们在说话。没什么要紧事，但我确实听见了。”她摇了摇头。
"Anything we can use?" Markey pressed. "You knew both of them better than most, didn't you?"
“有什么我们可以利用的吗？”Markey追问。“你几乎是最了解那两人的，不是吗？”
She gave him a strange look. "I dated both of them," she said. "For years." When Carter gave her a stranger look, she clarified: "Not at the same time."
她投来奇怪的目光。“我和他们两个都交往过，”她说，“有好几年。”Carter露出更奇怪的表情，她澄清道：“不是同时交往。”
"Wasn't judging," the tech told her with raised hands.
“我啥也没说，”技术员举起双手对她说。
An older sorrow crossed her features now. "We never really understood each other. Not until it was over, at least, both times. But I can tell you for a fact that what's walking around and talking in their voices, that's not them. Or if it is, only a little. Just fragments."
她脸上掠过一道陈旧的悲伤。“我们从未真正了解彼此。两次都是最早在结束之后才明白。但我可以肯定地告诉你，那些到处游荡、用他们声音说话的——那不是他们。就算真的是他们，也只是他们的一点点。仅仅是碎片。”
"Another point of data," Markey told Place in an aside. "Theory's looking pretty solid now."
“又一点数据，”Markey在一旁对Place说。“看来理论够准确了。”
"But we still don't know what they are," Place pointed out. "You can't do process of elimination with only one explanation."
“但我们仍然不知道他们究竟是什么，”Place指出。“仅凭一种解释无法排除。”
"Like I said," Veiksaar cut in. "It wasn't them. But if you hear them chatting it up long enough — and I did — you end up with what's probably a more useful impression."
“我说了，”Veiksaar插话。“那不是他们。但如果你听他们闲聊够久——而我确实听够了——最终得到的印象可能更有用。”
"Yeah?" said Markey.
“是吗？”Markey。
"Yeah." She nodded. "You know what it sounds like, when they talk? It sounds like one person, talking to themself."
“是啊。”她点点头。“你知道他们的对话听起来像什么吗？听起来像一个人自言自语。”
It was Joanna Bremmel's idea to check out her father's lab and see if he'd left anything interesting lying around. They hadn't found anything resembling a weapon during their lab crawl so far, and they certainly weren't going to be able to defend themselves from the enemy with strong words. The enemy's words were stronger.
Joanna Bremmel想到要去她父亲的实验室，看看他有没有留下什么有意思的东西。他们目前还没在实验室中搜刮到任何像样的武器，而且他们肯定不能靠言语的力量御敌。敌人的言语更有力量。
That was how they found the makeshift EMP device, which Joanna identified as having been cobbled together from several abandoned or half-finished projects under the Arms and Equipment umbrella. A few minutes of rooting around the insides of the frankendevice produced a magnetic bottle with a glowing green crystal at the centre, suspended in rarefied air.
于是他们找到了勉强能用的EMP发生器，Joanna认出来是由武器装备部名下几个半成品项目组装的。他们在这拼凑的设备里翻找出了一个瓶子，里面悬浮着一块发绿光的晶体。
"What is that?" Markey breathed.
“这是什么？”Markey吸了一口气。
"Oriykalkos core." Joanna grabbed a satchel from one of the cabinets, and slid the device inside. "Only one we've got. Dad's come up with about a dozen ideas for what to do with it, but… well. Only one we've got. Director won't authorize any use in particular until we know what we need."
“陨铜晶核心。”Joanna从储柜中拿出一个小背包，把瓶子塞了进去。“我们只有一块，老爸有一堆想法，但……唉。我们只有一块。在想清楚要做什么之前，主管不会授权使用的。”
"Spaceship-43," Placeholder muttered.
“太空船-43，”Placeholder喃喃道。
"What?" Markey asked, but Joanna gave him a knowing nod.
“你说什么？”Markey问，而Joanna会意地向他点头。
"I wonder," Carter mused.
“我在想，”Carter思索着。
Markey glanced at him. "Yeah?"
Markey瞥向他。“想什么？”
"The plants run geothermal," he explained. "And if they've taken Ops Control, and they really want the power to stay out, they'll have gone to lock them down by now as well. But J&M is all about redundancies. I'm pretty sure you could plug that into one of the main power junctions, where we're set up for extra draw—"
“发电厂用的是地热能，”他说明。“如果他们占领了控制中心，而且真的很希望电源失效，那么现在肯定已经把发电厂锁定了。但J&M到处都是冗余。我相当肯定，我们可以把那东西插进某个主电源接口，去启动备用发电机——”
"I&T," Eileen chimed in immediately, and Carter snapped his fingers at her.
“在I&T，”Eileen立刻插话说，Carter向她打了个响指。
Placeholder finished the thought. "And you could power the whole facility, for at least a little while."
Placeholder说完。“这样就可以给全设施供上电，至少能有一小会儿。”
Joanna was looking at the core through the satchel's open flap. "A very little while," she ventured. "Crystal decay looks bad. I'd wager maybe five, ten minutes tops. There's a reason this thing burned out the grid when it went wild."
Joanna看着没关上的包里的核心。“很短一会儿，”她谨慎地说。“晶体衰变了很多。要我说五分钟，顶多十分钟。这东西失控了就会烧掉整个电网不是没理由的。”
Placeholder was smiling now. He looked from face to serious face, and laughed. "Come on, this is great. We're golden. We're good!" He reached out to clap Veiksaar on the shoulders, but pulled back at the last second when he saw the look on her face. "Okay, here's the play. Dr. Veiksaar. You're a computer programmer."
Placeholder在微笑。他看向一张张严肃的脸，笑出了声。“拜托，这不是挺好的嘛。我们有优势了。我们中大奖了！”他伸手要拍Veiksaar的肩膀，又在最后一刻看她的脸色缩了回来。“好，计划如下。Veiksaar博士。你是程序员。”
"She's the computer programmer," Carter cut in. Veiksaar might have blushed; it was always tough to tell, now.
“她是最好的(？)程序员，”Carter插嘴。Veiksaar可能脸红了；如今总是很难看出来。
"Do you know how to write out code?"
“你会写代码吗？”
"Of course," she said. She glanced around the room. "But I don't have a working tablet."
“当然了，”她说。她环视房间。“但我没有能用的平板。”
"I do," said Markey. He was about to hand it to her when Placeholder intercepted, plucking the device out of his hands and placing it on the nearest table. "What gives?"
“我有，”Markey说。他正要给她，Placeholder就半路截胡，拿来放到一旁的桌子上。“怎么了？”
"They're in Operations Control," he reminded the containment specialist. "They'll have cracked that thing by now. They couldn't stop you turning off the cameras, because you disabled remote control, but you can't disable remote viewing. Anything you write on that machine, on any machine, they'll be monitoring right away. They'll know what you're trying to do, and they'll enact countermeasures to stop it."
“他们在控制中心，”他提醒收容专家。“到现在肯定全面占领了。你禁用了远程控制，所以他们阻止不了你关闭摄像头，但你无法禁用远程查看。你写在那台设备上，写在任何一台设备上的东西，他们立刻就能看到。他们会知道你想做什么，也会启动反制措施来阻止你。”
"So, why did you ask if I can write code?" Veiksaar demanded.
“那你为什么问我会不会写代码？”Veiksaar质问。
"The better question is, why didn't you answer?" Place danced from foot to foot. "I ask about writing, and you respond about typing. That's not remotely the same thing." He headed for the door. "Now, who knows where Bernie kept his office?"
“更应该问的是，你为什么不回答？”Place双脚交替跳着。“我问的是写，你说的是敲。这可不完全(？)是一回事。”他走向门口。“好了，有谁知道Bernie的办公室在哪里吗？”
Someone was in Bernie's office, and it pulled Placeholder up short. David didn't understand why.
Bernie的办公室里有人，这让Placeholder吃了一惊。David不明白有什么好吃惊的。
After the frantic researcher in the filthy grey labcoat was convinced he was in no danger, Placeholder shook his hand. The other man had no idea why it was happening, but didn't resist.
那位慌张的研究员穿着脏兮兮的灰色实验泡，在说服他相信他并无危险后，Placeholder与他握了握手。对方不明白为什么要这样，但没有抗拒。
It hadn't been that forceful a handshake, so it couldn't be the reason Xinyi Du kept rubbing his right arm just above the elbow as he watched them work.
Placeholder没有特别强迫Xinyi Du握手，所以Du看他们工作时不停去揉右手肘上方的原因不可能是这个。
For a solid couple of minutes, Del Olmo had thought they might get away with it.
有那么几分钟，Del Olmo以为他们能蒙混过关。
But after Lillihammer finished going around the room, she had glanced at him, and sighed. Then glanced at Gwilherm, then Mukami. Then at Wirth. She saved Ambrogi for last, then returned her steel gaze to her mentor. "Bernie," she said. "What did you do?"
但Lillihammer处理完房间里的人后，又看向他，叹了一口气。接着看向Gwilherm，然后是Mukami。还有Wirth。最后是Ambrogi，随后她坚定的目光回到了导师身上。“Bernie，”她说。“你做了什么？”
The corrupted Chairs and Chiefs turned sad eyes on their more resilient former colleagues, and shook their heads in disappointment.
堕落的主席与部长悲伤地看向负隅顽抗的前同事，失望地摇着头。
"I'm not sure what you're talking about," he answered honestly.
“我不知道你在说什么，”他坦诚回答。
"You found a way to shut me out. That's not the way it's supposed to go. The student always outpaces the master. If you've been Bogarting forbidden memetics techniques, Bernie, I'm gonna have to ask that you pass them along now."
“你居然能把我拒之门外。不应该这样。徒弟总是青出于蓝。如果你私自使用了什么模因禁术，Bernie，我必须要求你立刻交出来。”
He glanced around the table at the holdouts she'd identified, aware of a growing hostility in the room from all the others. "Probably just a matter of CRV," he hazarded.
他匆匆瞥了一眼桌边她认出来的抵抗者，意识到他们的敌意越来越强。“也许只是CRV的问题，”他冒险猜测。
"You play dumb so well," she frowned. "I could almost believe you really are." She pointed at Ambrogi. "You think the chief shit-scraper has a mind like a steel trap?"
“你真会装傻，”她皱起眉头。“我都要以为你真的傻了。”她指向Ambrogi。“你觉得铲屎部长会有钢铁般的意志？”
"His position has nothing to do with his mental fortitude," Del Olmo reminded her. "Plenty of—"
“他的职位与他的思维防御强度并无关联，”Del Olmo提醒她。“许多——”
"You're frightened for your friends," Blank interrupted. Del Olmo turned to stare at him. Another necessary experiment. "You know what we can do. You know that you're outnumbered. You know that if you resist, there will be conflict. It will be brief, but it will be bad. More death. You know we can't sustain more death. We're dipping towards the minimum viable population. This war drags on longer, the human race dies out. You don't want that. You've lost. The only way forward is with us."
“你为你的朋友感到害怕，”Blank打断他。Del Olmo转而瞪向他。又一个必要的实验。“你深知我们能做到什么。你深知你们寡不敌众。你明白如果抵抗，就会有冲突。很快就会结束，但会很惨烈。更多死难。你知道我们经受不了更多死亡了。我们的人员就快要不到最小可存续人口数了。这场战争再拖下去，人类就会灭亡。你不会希望这样。你们输了。唯一的前路就是归顺我们。”
Del Olmo nodded. "That's a decent train of logic. I could pick it apart, clause by clause, but there's little point. I don't think you intended that speech as an entrée for debate."
Del Olmo点点头。“挺像样的逻辑链条。我可以一句一句分析辩驳，但没什么意义。我想你说这一大通不是为了邀请我辩论。”
Blank frowned. "It's true," he told Lillihammer. "How the hell are they blocking us?"
Blank皱起眉头。“真是这样，”他对Lillihammer说。“他们到底是怎么抵抗我们的？”
She shrugged, and stood up. The converted Chairs and Chiefs followed suit. "You find out. I'm going to go check on the troops."
她耸耸肩，站了起来。被转换的主席与部长效仿着她。“你来研究。我去巡视一下军队。”
He glanced up at her as she walked to the door. "I'd also like to know why they started fucking up in the first place. What changed?"
他看着她走向门口。“我还想知道他们一开始为什么会搞砸。变化那么大？”
She shrugged. "Change is what he does, Harry. We can't keep letting it surprise us."
她耸耸肩。“他就是变化，Harry。我们没必要老是惊讶。”
Del Olmo hoped he would live long enough to figure out what that could possibly mean.
Del Olmo希望能活到弄明白这到底是什么意思。
Carter had the power junction open, and was rooting around in the wires. Du was tapping at a wall panel. Veiksaar was madly scribbling on a piece of paper, while Markey set up his tablet camera. Place walked back and forth between them, staring down this hall and that, agitated.
Carter打开了电源中枢，在电线之间招来找去。Du敲着一块墙上的面板。Veiksaar在纸上狂写，Markey架好了平板摄像头。Place焦虑不安地在他们之间踱步，来回向几条走廊中看去。
Exposed.
无处隐藏。
If they were found some time in the next hour or so, he would have to move to his backup plan.
如果接下来一个小时左右他们被发现了，他就得改用备用计划了。
That left him some unknown percentage of an hour to come up with one.
所以他还有不知道零点几个小时来想出一个。
Blank had a little ball of tinfoil in his hand. He was pulling strips off, depositing them on the table, and flicking them. The rough surface was already glinting with little points of light. Mukami thought she could see something moving beneath the surface, too small to make out in detail.
Blank手里拿着一小团锡纸。他把锡纸撕成一条一条扔到桌上，来回拨弄着。粗糙的表面上闪烁着一个个光点。Mukami觉得可以看见有东西在表面之下移动，太小了看不清细节。
"Think of the benefits," the archivist sighed. "This is such a tough situation. It's hard to keep everyone on-task, coordinated. You've got exhaustion, depression, and such narrow frontiers of competence to take into account. You're a weak sum of parts, and you know it."
“想想好处，”档案员叹了一口气。“现状如此艰难。很难让大家协同合作。你们又累又沮丧，也没什么值得称道的能力。你们人数很少，你们也知道。”
"It would. Be so. Much simpler," she said, "if we'd. All just. Let you. Overwrite. Our brains."
“如果我们。直接让你。覆写我们的。大脑，”她说，“那会。简单很多。”
"Is that what you think she does?" Blank laughed. "Not it at all. Everyone she turns is still themselves. It's only an overlay of her that makes the difference."
“你以为她是那样做的？”Blank笑了。“完全错误。她转变的每一个人都还是他们自己。只不过她往上添了一层叠加层。”
"An overlay," Bernie repeated. "You mean she puts her objectives in their minds? Or does she literally lose a part of herself to make each convert?"
“叠加层，”Bernie复述。“你是说她把自己的意志放到了他们脑子里？还是说她每转换一人都会失去一点自我？”
Blank's eyes shone in the dark. Mukami wondered why the monster didn't strike. Maybe they're best buds. "Have you ever known Lillian to lose herself?" the archivist asked.
Blank的双瞳在黑暗中闪着光。Mukami想知道那怪物为什么没出现。也许他们是好哥们。“你什么时候见过Lillihammer失去自我？”档案员问。
"I have known Lillian Lillihammer very well," Bernie replied. "I was asking about your partner."
“我无比了解Lillian Lillihammer，”Bernie回答。“我问的是你的搭档。”
"It's not the same thing?" Blank's tone was mocking. "Man. You go to the trouble to come up with a really excellent costume, and people see right through it anyway. What's with that?"
“不是一回事吗？”Blank语气嘲弄。“哥们。你费好大劲才想出一套精美的装扮，人们却一下就看穿了。怎么会这样？”
"I know you, too," said Bernie. "I don't know how, but I do."
“我也了解你，”Bernie说。“我不知道为什么，但我就是了解。”
The mirth vanished. "Is that so?" Blank leaned forward, peering at the memeticist more carefully. "That's very interesting."
笑容消失了。“是这样吗？”Blank向前靠，更仔细地端详着模因学家。“那很有意思了。”
As a Foundation security expert, Mukami knew a mental block when she saw one. It wasn't that Del Olmo didn't want to say what he was thinking. It wasn't that his memory was faulty. Whatever was on his mind refused to come out of his mouth. The muscles wouldn't move. The syllables wouldn't form. Perhaps even the thoughts themselves had been made anathema. Maybe it was a geas, a ritual to lock information away. Maybe it was something more. Whatever it was, it made the aging memeticist look borderline demented before he visibly surrendered, slumped back in his chair. "It's gone," he whispered, spent. "Whatever it was, it's gone."
身为基金会安保专家，Mukami认得出精神屏障。并非Del Olmo不想说出心中所想。并非他记忆出了错。他脑中的思绪拒绝脱口而出。肌肉不愿移动。音节发不出。也许想法本身便与意志有悖。也许有个禁言咒，有个把信息锁住的法术。也许不止如此。无论是什么，都让年迈的模因学家看起来几近神志不清，直到他显而易见地放弃抵抗，瘫坐在椅子里。“消失了，”他颓丧地低语。“无论是什么，它消失了。”
"Not gone." Blank's grin was just short of salacious. "Simply changed. Call it the laws of thaumodynamics."
“没有消失。”Blank的笑容意味复杂(？)。“只是改变了。就叫奇术动力学定律。”
Mukami tapped her fingers on the table, and Blank turned back to her. "Why. Are you. Still here? What… mmmm…"
Mukami在桌上轻敲手指，Blank转过身来看着她。“你。为什么。还在这里？你……hhhh……”
"What more do I expect to get from you? That's a good question. Would you like me to make it easier for you to ask your next one?"
“我还想从你们身上得到什么？好问题。想要我帮你更轻松地问下一个问题吗？”
Mukami glared at him, and said nothing.
Mukami怒视着他，什么都没说。
He chuckled. "Good on you. The Ilse Reynders approach. Stubborn." He glanced over the little group again. "One, two, three, four, five. And the hunk of meat makes six. That's not quite right, is it?"
他轻笑一声。“干得漂亮。Ilse Reynders的作风。倔强得很。”他又扫视了一眼这小团体。“一、二、三、四、五。再加上这壮汉就是六个。不太对劲，是吧？”
"What?"
“什么？”
"There's one missing." Blank's expression was suddenly very serious. "And you know who it is."
“有个人不在。”Blank突然神色严肃。“你们知道那是谁。”
She had no idea what he was talking about, but had no reason to tell him so. "Maybe. Maybe not."
她完全不知道他在说什么，但没理由告诉他。“也许知道。也许不知道。”
"Oh, you know." He swung his index finger around the table, pointing at the others. "You all know. It might be attenuated, with the numbers. It's much easier with two. There's a clarity. It gets pretty fuzzy when you move towards the max. At that point, the motive power is so diffused… well." He smiled again, softer this time. He almost looked human. "You know that already, too. It's why you fouled things up. You toddled along for a year, waiting to become your best selves, and what's the first thing that happened when you powered up?" He slapped the back of one hand onto the palm of the other. "Failure. Now, what does that tell you?"
“哦，你们知道的。”他食指在桌上转圈，指向众人。“你们都知道。人数多了，那种感觉就会稀释。两人就简单得多，一切都清晰明了。但当人数逼近极限时，一切就变得模糊不清。到了那个地步，动力变得如此分散……唉。”他再次微笑，这次更柔和些。几乎像个人类了。“你们心里也清楚。这就是你们搞砸的原因。你们蹒跚前行一年，等着成为最好的自己，结果当你们真正觉醒时，首先发生了什么？”他猛地一拍掌心。“失败。那么，这说明了什么？”
She shook her head. She had no idea.
她摇摇头。她毫无头绪。
If what he was saying made sense, then maybe she was the crazy one.
如果他的话有道理，那可能疯的是她。
The lights came on.
灯亮了。
David turned the tablet on and pointed it at the wall, where Veiksaar had pinned her pages and pages of painstakingly tidy code. He snapped the shot, and then plugged the tablet into the terminal on the other side of the server room.
David打开平板，对准墙壁拍摄Veiksaar一页页精心编写的代码。他拍下照片后，将平板插入服务器机房另一侧的终端。
The lights on Clio's mainframe slowly blinked from red, to 'yellow', to 'green', and he uploaded the file to the relevant program construct.
Clio主机上的指示灯缓缓闪烁，由红转“黄”再转“绿”，他随即把文件上传至程序构造体。
Somewhere on the other side of the Site, Lillian Lillihammer was probably responding to an alert with a hurried tablet-tapping that would cancel out what they were doing in seconds flat.
站点另一端的某个角落里，Lillian Lillihammer估计正匆忙地敲击平板响应警报，这番操作将在几秒内彻底摧毁他们的努力。
But Clio operated in milliseconds. The .aic transcribed and compiled the code, then implemented it, faster than any human could react.
但Clio的运作速度以毫秒计。.aic转录并编译代码，随即执行，其速度远超人类反应极限。
And in its present shells, the shattered soul of the Unyielding was in every functional sense no more than human.
在其现有的躯壳中，不屈者的破碎灵魂在功能上已与凡人无异。
Del Olmo recognized the sound in the seconds he had left before the lights went dark again. This was his share of the nightmare that everyone on duty during the breach had in common. Radcliffe dreamed of the call. Wirth dreamed of the fire.
在灯光再度熄灭前的最后几秒，Del Olmo认出了那个声音。这是他与所有在突破中值班的人共同经历的噩梦。Radcliffe梦见了那通呼叫。Wirth梦见了那场大火。
Del Olmo dreamed of the stun memetics.
Del Olmo梦见了致昏模因。
We are all connected, he realized, as once again a deeper darkness took him out of the dim.
我们确实息息相关，他意识到，这时更深的黑暗再次将他带离那片昏暗之地。
Taking back Operations Control was a matter of walking in. Lillihammer was gone, and so was Blank. The Chairs and Chiefs were snoozing at the consoles, or else in the boardroom a few halls down. The Director had hit their head on the podium, so Billie took them to isolation in H&P. Clio asked for her help doing something, and they did it, and she forgot about the… whoever they were, for a while.
夺回控制中心只需走入即可。Lillihammer不见了，Blank也是。主席与部长要么在控制台前打盹，要么就在几条走廊外的会议室里。主管在高台上撞到了头，Billie把彵送去了H&P的单人病房。Clio找她帮忙办点事，彵照做了，于是她暂时忘记了……管彵是谁。
Veiksaar spent the next hour working with Clio to revoke all compromised clearances, and make sure Lillihammer hadn't left any nasty traps for them in the system. Markey found an electric lorry in I&T, and they used it to transport the stunned infected into the cafeteria. They spent a few extra minutes with a mop and pail to make it more presentable, then ran an extra cycle of the ventilation fans on high before changing the buckets and locking the doors. Amelia appeared out of nowhere, tight-lipped, and agreed to seal off AAF-D; as far as Yancy could tell, that was where the fleeing undead had taken refuge, under cover of no camera coverage.
此后一个小时，Veiksaar与Clio合力废除了所有出问题的权限，确保Lillihammer没有在系统里留下恶意陷阱。Markey在I&T找到一辆电动货车，用来把昏迷的感染者运到食堂。他们额外花了几分钟用拖把和水桶打扫干净，随后将通风扇调至最高档额外运行一个循环，才清理水桶锁上大门。Amelia突然现身，抿着嘴同意封锁AAF-D——据Yancy判断，逃离的亡者正藏匿于那里，里面是监控盲区。
Dolly Ferber disappeared into the Director's Office for half an hour. When she walked back into Operations Control, she was clean, and she was wearing clean clothes: a man's work shirt and suit pants, a dark tie and a cozy-looking woolen sweater.
Dolly Ferber进主管办公室待了半小时。她重新走进控制中心时，已经洗漱干净，换上了整洁的衣物：一件男式工作衬衫配西裤，系着深色领带，还套着一件看起来很舒适的羊毛衫。
Place did a quick calculation, then nodded. "Director."
Place估量了一番，点点头。“主管。”
"Temporary," she said.
“临时的，”她说。
He desperately looked like he wanted to say something in response to that, but Markey beat him to it. Slumping down into the nearest console chair, he sighed, "What isn't?"
他急切地想说点什么回应，但Markey抢先开口。他瘫坐在最近的控制台椅上，叹了口气：“还有什么不是呢？”
It was a funny thing, Dolly thought, how living in a red blur could throw so many things into stark clarity.
Dolly觉得这真有意思，生活在一片模糊的红光中，竟能让许多事情变得如此清晰。
Before the Shift, her response to hardship of any kind had been simple: I am still alive. It worked for piles of paperwork. It worked for injuries. It even worked for crushing depression, sometimes. Working at the Foundation, even at a banal job with a provisional security clearance, taught you to consider death with even more uncertainty than folks outside the Veil did. There were a lot of places you could end up that were worse than this one.
在转换发生之前，她面对任何困境的方式都很简单：我还活着。这招对成堆的文书工作管用，对伤痛管用，有时甚至应对潮水般袭来的抑郁也管用。在基金会工作——哪怕是个只有临时安保权限的平凡职位——都会让你比帷幕之外的人更不确定死亡何时到来。毕竟，还有许多情况比现在还要糟。
She hadn't heard of any that were much worse than this, however, and it had a definite effect on how she thought about the experience of life.
然而，她从未听说过比现状糟糕许多的情况，这无疑影响了她对人生经历的想法。
It was no longer its own virtue. It was now forced to justify itself day by day, with a formula even simpler than the one she'd had before.
这不再仅仅是美德。如今生活被迫日复一日证明自己，所用的评判方式甚至比她先前使用的更为简单。(？)
Everything was all about incremental improvement, now.
如今，一切都要渐渐改善。
Today has to be better than yesterday.
今天要比昨天好。
Tomorrow has to be even better.
明天要更好。
Not necessarily by a lot. Every little bit counts. Reach heaven, escape hell, by inches.
不必好很多。好一点点也是好。逃离地狱，抵达天堂，一点一点来。
Of course, it had been a long time since measuring it day by day had been sufficient. Hour by hour had a better chance of working out.
当然，每天比一次早就不够了。每小时比一次才有点用。
Lately she'd taken to considering individual seconds.
最近她想过每秒比一次。
The coffee machines still worked, and they had something very much like beans to put into them, so she could make the future better just by taking a sip from a steaming mug. The plumbing still worked, so the relief of visiting the washroom — which parsed now as a fantastic luxury, after her days in the cafeteria — provided a measurable improvement in quality of life against which her daily travails could be set. They were still trading the password around, which meant on days like this she could remember her mentor existed, and monitor their healing, and imagine a time when these problems would not be hers to such a dramatic extent.
咖啡机还能用，里面装的东西也确实像是咖啡豆，因此她只需啜饮一口热气腾腾的咖啡，未来就会变得更好。下水道依然畅通，因此如厕带来的解脱感——在食堂里待过之后，这堪称奢华享受——为生活品质带来了显而易见的提升，让她得以衡量日常的艰辛。他们仍在传递着密码，这意味着在今天这样的日子里，她能想起导师的存在，关注彵的康复进程，并畅想终有一日这些困扰将不再如此压在她肩头。
As the life-or-death struggle of the past year shifted to a new phase, Dolly found the model applied just as well to their little civilization as it had to her.
过去一年的生死斗争进入了新阶段，Dolly发现这个模型对他们的小小文明同样适用。
Every member of personnel they pried out of a bolthole or brought back to consciousness after their long blank night of the soul was a point. Every surface Phil-proofed was another. Every festering injury whose progression could be arrested, every access point to AAF-D sealed so that the demons inside had one less opportunity to escape and wreak havoc, all of that was worth taking into account. Dolly started a database for tracking each improvement, made accounts for all the surviving personnel, and encouraged the others to join her in celebrating their collective march from worse to far-distant bad.
每一个他们从藏身处挖出来，或在漫长的灵魂失落之夜后唤醒的成员都算一分。每一处处理好、Phil无法显现的表面也算一分。每一道得以控制恶化的溃烂伤口，每一个被封堵的AAF-D入口——让其内的恶魔少一分逃脱肆虐的机会——所有这些都值得计入功绩。Dolly创建了追踪每项改进的数据库，为所有幸存人员建立档案，并鼓励同伴们共同庆祝他们集体从深渊走向遥远彼岸的进步历程。
Dear diary, the dwellers in the dark were writing. This instant has been better than the last. And that is enough.
亲爱的日记，居民们在一片黑暗中写道。此刻比上一刻更美好。这就足够了。
She only wished there was some way to know how many of them really believed it.
她只希望能知道有多少人真的相信了。
Or, for that matter, if she did. Or was it merely habit forming a divot in her brain shaped roughly like her atrophied pleasure centre?
或者，说到底，她有没有相信。也许那不过是习惯在她大脑中啃出一个凹坑，形状恰似她萎缩的快感中枢？
When it came to pushing through from moment to moment, preserving her physical form from day to day, there really wasn't any difference.
一刻接一刻地坚持下去，与日复一日地维持健康，其实并无二致。
So if they were ever able to fix things to the extent that her measure of how well things were going became once more being able to say: I am alive, it would be true.
所以倘若他们能修复到她能再次用我还活着衡量状况，那便是真实。
And the Site, in human and inanimate aggregate, could say the same.
那时站点里的活人与死物都能说同样的话。
9月18日
"And that's all."
“就这些了。”
Nhung hadn't meant all the possible meanings of the phrase when she tossed the final sheet atop the pile. She had meant the review was finished. She had meant there were no more cases to consider.
Nhung说着把最后一张纸扔到文件堆顶上，她话中没有暗含这句话的所有可能含义。她是说审查已经结束。她是说没有更多案例需要考虑了。
She had not meant to imply how brief a task it was to clear the Site's personnel for duty.
她没有暗示确认站点人员适合什么任务是件很简单的事。
Bernie stretched, and rubbed his eyes. "Not that bad, all told. I thought we'd be working on this for… I don't know. Years. It took a year, for them to corrupt as many as they did."
Bernie伸了个懒腰，揉了揉眼睛。“总的来说，还可以。我原以为这事得耗上……天知道多久。好几年。他们只用一年，就崩溃成这样。"
"And one day to reset the counter," Nhung reminded him.
“还有一天用来重置计时，”Nhung提醒他。
He nodded in a very particular way. They all had it, the seven whose memories had changed to suit the new facts. A hesitance suggesting that despite all the evidence, they weren't completely convinced the teeming masses had it right. They were still expecting, somehow, to be proven correct.
他以一种非常特别的方式点了点头。那七个人都这样点头——他们的记忆已被改写，符合新的现实。那份迟疑说明，尽管证据确凿，他们仍不完全相信众人所言属实。他们心底仍期待着，总有一天能证明他们才是对的。
Nhung imagined she would feel similarly if reality turned one way, and everyone else turned the other. It was worth underlining the facts in favour of the collective explanation. "The only people we had to deprogram were the ones in Operations Control, and whoever Lillihammer and Blank passed by on their way to take it over."
若现实朝一个方向发展，而众人却背道而驰，Nhung觉得自己也会有同样的感受。她觉得有必要强调支持集体解释的事实依据。“我们只需要净化控制中心里的人，以及Lillihammer和Blank占领控制中心途中附身过的人。”
He half-nodded, this time. It was harder to read those, and he knew it. "You don't need to remind me. I was in Operations Control." He'd also been one of the first people they'd brought out of the brainwashing, so he could help with the rest. They'd done Sokolsky second, and Nhung suspected he'd never get over the insult.
他这次只是微微点头。这种动作更难揣摩，他心知肚明。“不必提醒我。我当时就在控制中心里面。”他正是首个脱离洗脑控制的人，他们需要他协助处理其他人。Sokolsky是第二个被唤醒的，Nhung怀疑他对这份耻辱永远无法释怀。
There had been some discussion about the best means of ensuring the stun agents had worked before opening the C&C boardroom, given the presence of not one but two extremely dangerous memeticists within, with the possibility of a bonus Blank. Gwilherm had won the coin toss, so while everyone they'd dragged out was now mentally fit for duty, quite a few of them still needed treatment for hearing loss after the flashbang went off in close proximity.
鉴于主席与部长会议室内藏匿着两名极其危险的模因学家，而且Blank可能存在额外威胁，众人曾就如何确保致昏触媒在破门前生效展开讨论。因为Gwilherm抛硬币赢了，所以虽然被拖出来的人员已经可以工作，但不少人在近距离面对闪光弹后仍需接受听力治疗。
The light, on the other hand, must have been something of a reprieve. Nhung wondered how close it had come to not quite being red. It was almost enough to make her want to borrow one, and see.
另一方面，那道光算是喘息的机会。Nhung不禁猜想，现在是不是没有那么红了。她几乎想借一个来看看。
Another year or so, and the distance between almost and definitely might have closed considerably. If she thought about it, she could probably guess exactly how long it would take for her longing for something resembling sunlight to overcome her more practical bent.
再过一年左右，“几乎”与“绝对”之间的差距或许就会大幅缩小。若她细细思量，大概能准确猜出，自己对假阳光的渴望究竟需要多久才能战胜务实的本性。
It didn't pay, she mused, to be the only psychiatrist in a mad world.
在这疯狂的世界里，当唯一的心理医生真不值当，她暗自思忖。
9月19日
The first thing the Director noticed was that the seating arrangements had changed.
主管首先注意到座位变了。
It was the first full C&C since the incident, and everyone was back in their customary chairs. They were expensive chairs, and didn't show wear or tear, but somehow everyone knew which one was theirs, and they'd rearranged the order in what the Director could immediately see was a meaningful pattern.
这是事故后首次全员出席的主席与部长会议，众人坐在各自平时的椅子上。这些座椅虽价格不菲且毫无磨损痕迹，但不知为何，每个人都清楚哪一把是自己的，主管一下就看出，重新排列后的座位蕴含着某种深意。
On one side: Ambrogi, Del Olmo, Gwilherm, Mukami, and Wirth. On the other, everyone else. The only thing breaking the symmetry was that 'everyone else' was a much higher number, so they lapped around the end of the table and partway back up the other side.
一边是Ambrogi、Del Olmo、Gwilherm、Mukami以及Wirth。另一边是其他所有人。只可惜“其他所有人”的数量要多得多，因此打破了对称，排到桌尾还延伸到了另一侧。
The Director had taken the seat opposite Dolly. She'd been their secretary for two decades, and they trusted her more than anyone else alive at Site-43. She'd offered them the hotseat back as soon as they'd recovered, and they had politely demurred. It was past time to train a successor, and that final warning from Overwatch Command was echoing in their head more and more as the days crawled past.
主管坐在Dolly对面。她担任彵的助理已有二十年，在Site-43所有现存人员中，彵最信任的就是她。彵刚刚恢复，她便主动提出归还这个要职，但彵婉言谢绝了。本该早早培养接班人，日子一天天过去，监督者指挥部的最后警告在彵脑海中愈加响亮地盘桓。
If this was the SCP Foundation, if there was nothing else to it now but these ragged few, then they would certainly need an Administrator.
倘若这里便是SCP基金会，倘若此刻只剩这些惨兮兮的幸存者，那么他们无疑需要一位管理员。
"If it's all that much trouble, why bother?" Gwilherm was hunched over in her wheelchair. "Let them die, and the devil sort them out."
“既然这么麻烦，何必费心？”Gwilherm驼背坐在轮椅里。“让他们等死吧，让魔鬼来管。”
Ngo, predictably, was appalled. "This isn't some failure to rise to the occasion! After everything that's happened, surely you can spare a little sympathy. Our people have responded admirably, given the situation and the resources at their disposal."
不出所料，Ngo大为错愕。“现在怎么能临阵退缩！经历了这一切，你总能有点同情心吧。考虑到当前处境与可用资源，我们的同僚表现得相当出色。”
Ambrogi had been nodding since before she opened her mouth. "Yes. Yes. We don't lose anybody. We can't lose anybody. Every pair of hands." He sharply looked away from Gwilherm, embarrassed. It was hard to say if she noticed, given how angry she already was. Always was. "From this point onward, nothing changes. Don't rock the boat."
Ambrogi在她开口前就一直在点头。“对。对。我们不能失去任何人。我们绝不能失去任何人。每双手都至关重要。”他突然尴尬地移开视线，避开Gwilherm的目光。她有没有注意到难以判断，毕竟她早已怒不可遏。向来如此。“从此刻起，一切照旧。别兴风作浪。”
"The boat is sinking, Rom," said Zaman. "What do you mean when you say nothing changes? Obviously we need to make things better. Raise the quality of life."
“本来风浪就大，Rom，”Zaman说。“你说一切照旧是什么意思？我们显然得改善现状。提升生活水平。”
Mukami made a complex noise of assent. "We do," she agreed. "We, that is, it's important. We have to. We have to." She thumped the table in frustration, and sat back in her chair, spent.
Mukami复杂地哼了一声表示附和。“是的，”她承认。“我们，就是说，这很重要。我们必须。我们必须。”她懊恼地一捶桌子，瘫坐在椅背上，精疲力竭。
Bradbury gave her a sideways glance before taking her turn. "We ought to bring as many of them as possible into our process. I know it's not how the Foundation operated, but I think a little democracy couldn't hurt. Not for the top-level stuff," she added as Sokolsky squirmed in his chair, "but where they're educated enough to be able to make informed decisions, I think it would go a long way towards establishing good will to loop them in."
Bradbury瞥了她一眼才开口：“我们应该尽可能把他们纳入我们的圈子。我明白这与基金会管理方式不同，但适度民主应该无妨。当然顶级决策除外，”看见Sokolsky在椅中扭动不安，她补充道，“但只要他们有足够知识能明智抉择的方面，让他们参与会极大促进积极思想传播。”
"Just appoint a representative," Wirth suggested. "It doesn't need to be democracy. We just have to be able to mobilize the word. Get it bouncing around in people's brains. The form and structure are all that matter when it comes to touchy-feely stuff, not the content."
“直接任命个代表就行，”Wirth提议。“不必真的搞民主。我们只需让这个词在人们脑海中反复回响。在情感层面，形式与结构才是关键，内容无关紧要。”
His wife actually turned in her chair to stare at him. He glanced at her, frowned, then averted his eyes.
他妻子竟然转过椅子盯着他。他瞥了她一眼，皱起眉头，随即移开视线。
"We could keep working on a few of the, ah, projects that were rejected before the fun and games with L&B." Sokolsky cracked his fingers. "Some of those avenues were very promising."
“我们可以继续推进几个，啊，项目，那些在Lillihammer和Blank闯进来之前被否决的。”Sokolsky掰了掰手指。“有些很有前景的。”
"Yes." The conviction in Del Olmo's tone got everyone's attention. "I know the ones you mean. We can shut down the more problematic processes in people's brains quite easily. Not permanently, of course. I'm not suggesting we impose. But if you give them the choice to turn off the nagging voices in their heads, well, I know what I'd choose if I was Joe Researcher."
“可以。”Del Olmo语气中的坚定吸引了所有人的注意。“我知道你指的是什么。我们完全可以轻松关闭人们大脑中那些较为棘手的机制。当然不是永久的。我并非提议我们强加于人。但若给他们选择，让他们能屏蔽脑中那些喋喋不休的声音，嗯，我要是Joe研究员(前面没有出现过，这是类似张三的名字吗)，我会选什么显而易见。”
"Are you proposing," the Administrator said slowly, as this most recent exchange widened eyes around the table, "that we memetically lobotomize our personnel, to ensure compliance?"
“你是在提议，”管理员缓缓说，这番对话令众人瞠目结舌，“通过模因手段对员工实施脑叶切除，以确保服从吗？”
"No, no, no." Del Olmo waved his hands dismissively. "I'm just saying if we provide it as an option, there'll be something like a fifty percent uptake at the very least. Probably rising as the years grind on."
“不是不是不是。”Del Olmo不以为然地摆摆手。“我只是说我们可以提供一个选项，这样至少有百分之五十的人会选。再过几年，可能还有更多。”
"That," Dolly said, "is a very cynical thing to suggest."
“这可真是个阴暗的提议。”Dolly说。
"It's a question of how you define life," Wirth mused philosophically. "Is it about the body, or the mind? Personally I'm happy either way."
“问题在于如何定义生命，”Wirth开启哲学思考。“重点是躯体，抑或心灵？我个人无所谓。”
"Either way?" She repeated. "You're suggesting we just… define our existence differently, and call it a day?"
“无所谓？”她重复。“你想说我们干脆……改变我们对存在的定义，就那么说活过了一天？”
"You can define your way out of anything," the archivist nodded.
“你可以用定义拜托一切困境，”档案员点点头。
Mukami was shaking her head. "I don't… think so. I don't think… that's right. I can't…" She sighed, and rubbed her eyes. Her fingers came back wet. "I'm getting a migraine." It was the most complete sentence she'd managed in ages, but she didn't seem pleased.
Mukami摇着头。“我不……觉得。我觉得……这不对。我不能……”她叹着气揉了揉眼睛。她的手指沾上了水。“我头很痛。”很多年以来她第一次说出了这么完整的句子，但似乎并不开心。
"I'm getting confused," said Place. "Why are we even discussing this? We just got the Site back. The people are all on our side. All these measures are going to do is alienate them again, to no apparent benefit."
“我很困惑，”Place说。“我们为什么会讨论这种事情？我们刚刚夺回站点。人们都支持我们。你们说的这些方法只会让他们疏远，还没有什么好处。”
"That's what I'm saying," Ambrogi nodded. "Sleeping dogs. What we have right now," and he pounded the table with his fist for emphasis, making his coffee mug jump, "is something that works."
“我也想说这个，”Ambrogi点点头。“别自找麻烦。我们的现状，”他用拳头重重敲着桌子以示强调，桌上他的咖啡杯弹了起来，“行得通。”
"We don't have anything right now," Mataxas frowned. "Other than a blank slate. And I'm really concerned that some of you apparently want to draw a swastika on there."
“我们现在一无所有，”Mataxas皱起眉头。“只有一块白板。我真的很担心你们想在上面画个万字符。”
"You've got it back-asswards, as usual," Gwilherm glared at her. "This isn't about force, or hate, or social Darwinism, or even eugenics. This is about seeing where we actually stand, each and every person in this facility. That's why I think letting nature take its course is the best way forward. If the weak aren't willing to get stronger, they can die. If the strong want to help the weak, that's their prerogative. I see no reason at all to make that policy."
“你又想反了，”Gwilherm怒视着她。“我们说的不是靠武力、仇恨、社会达尔文主义，甚至不是优生学。我们要让这座设施里的每一个人都看清楚自己的位置。这就是为什么我认为顺其自然是最好的方法。如果弱者不愿变强，那就会死。如果强者想帮助弱者，他们有这个权利。要我看完全没理由理由制定这个政策。”
The Administrator raised their hand, and the circular conversation immediately died. "I suggest a recess until after lunch," they intoned. "You've all given the Director and I a great deal to think about."
管理员举起手，兜圈子的讨论立刻停止了。“我建议休会，午餐后继续，”彵庄重地说。“你们让主管和我有了很多需要考量的事情。”
Specifically, they thought as the others filed out, arguments and recriminations resuming, I'm thinking maybe not all of you got your lost minds back.
具体来说，其他人陆续离开，继续争论，互相指责，彵心想，我在想，也许你们中并不是所有人都找回了理智。
9月21日
Human society had all sorts of suggestions for when it was appropriate to take a drink.
人类社会对于何时何地适合饮酒有很多说法。
Weekends, it was generally held, could safely be dedicated to the task. The end of the week itself as well. Solemn occasions like funerals and wakes, joyous ones like weddings and births. Most holidays, whether religious or civic. Days with personal distinction. If you worked with your hands, most evenings could be added to the schedule. Really, there was scarce a moment in the calendar that could not be made appropriate for a tipple.
人们普遍认为周末可以安心喝一杯。一周末尾亦然。庄重的场合如葬礼与守灵，喜庆的时刻如婚礼与出生。多数节日，无论宗教的还是世俗的。具有个人意义的日子。若从事体力劳动，多数夜晚亦可纳入。说真的，日历上几乎没有哪一天不能用来小酌一番。
There were also plenty of aphorisms applicable to the present case. Drinking like the world was ending? Thoroughly appropriate. Because tomorrow you might die? Highly probable. Drowning sorrows? Quantities more copious than those on offer would have been required.
适用于当前处境的谚语也不在少数。像末日将至般豪饮？再合适不过。因为明天可能就是你的死期？极有可能。借酒浇愁？需要的酒量远比眼前这点要多得多。
So, David drank most days. Like his life depended on it. Like it was going out of fashion. Which it probably was, because the stock was depleting, and it was going to be a hard sell converting vital comestibles to something purely luxurious.
所以，David几乎天天喝酒。仿佛生命以此维系。仿佛饮酒即将过时。说不定真会过时，因为存货剩得不多，要把必需食品转变成纯粹的奢侈品太难了。
"Might argue it's a mental health thing," he mused to the almost empty bar in the almost empty saloon. "Medicinal purposes."
“可以说有利于心理健康，”他对着几乎空无一人的酒吧里，那几乎空无一酒的吧台沉思着。“医疗需求。”
"They need alcohol for actual medicinal purposes," Radcliffe reminded him. He was drinking, too, but it was one of those vile things he put into himself to increase muscle mass and density, or whatever. David didn't hold with that sort of thing. His body was a temple to Dionysus.
“他们需要酒精来满足真正的医疗需求，”Radcliffe提醒他。他自己也在喝酒，但喝的却是那种为了增肌——或者其他什么目的——往身体里灌的恶心玩意儿。David可不认同这种做法。他的身体是祭祀酒神狄俄尼索斯的圣殿。
"They can take it from my hot, red hands." He finished the glass — he wasn't even sure what it was a glass of anymore, the taste now completely escaping him — and set it down gently on the bar. It didn't do to be too percussive. Anything that broke was going to stay broken forever, or worse, get repaired and reused. He had a vision of drinking from chipped, re-glued glasses that leaked red amber and scarred his lips, and while not so bad as some of the things he'd actually seen, it cut much more keenly.
“我可不会轻轻松松就放手，他们得来抢。”他一饮而尽——他不确定那杯中是什么，他完全忘记了味道——然后轻轻将酒杯放在吧台上。动作太猛可不好。任何碎裂之物都将永远破碎，也可能更糟，会被修复后再次使用。他脑海中浮现出这样的景象：粘合起来杯壁渗出琥珀红色的液体，缺口的杯沿割破双唇。虽不及他亲眼所见某些景象那般骇人，却刺得更深更痛。
"Who's they?"
“他们是谁？”
David gave him a look. "Who do you think? They're talking about us right now, you know."
David看了他一眼。“还能有谁？你知道的，他们现在就在讨论我们呢。”
Radcliffe's big brows moved like continents, though a little faster and a little less destructively, throwing up mountains on the vast tableland of his high forehead. "The C&C, you mean?"
Radcliffe那对浓眉如大陆板块般挪动，虽稍快些也稍温和些，在他高耸的额头上造出山脉。“你是说主席与部长？”
"I mean." He tossed back the glass again, taking those precious final few drops in. He nursed the empty glass. "We know the same things they know. The others." He didn't have a word for it. Not yet. "We should be in there with them."
“我是说。”他又把酒杯举到嘴边，喝光了最后几滴珍贵的液体。他把玩着空杯子。“和我们知道的事情一样的人。其他人。”他找不到合适的词来形容。至少现在还没有。“我们本该和他们在一起。”
Radcliffe shrugged. "If it's the same things, they've already got people in there who know."
Radcliffe耸耸肩。“如果事情一样，他们那里早就找到知道的人了。”
"You know what your problem is?" David stabbed a finger at the big man, though he didn't let go of the glass. "You're too easy-going."
“你知道你有什么毛病吗？”David拿着杯子像那大个子一指。“你太随和了。”
Radcliffe grinned. "Things just seem to go easy when I'm around. Wonder why." He barely fit into his uniform. It might have been painted on.
Radcliffe咧嘴一笑。“我一出现，事情就变得温和了。真不知道为什么。”他几乎穿不上制服。那衣服简直像是画在皮肤上的。
David stared at the ruby red of the oaken bar, then lensed it with the pink of the glass. "I'm just saying, we're in this together. Old order doesn't serve anybody. No Overwatch, no Council. No Foundation."
David凝视着鲜红色的橡木吧台，又透过酒杯的粉红光晕打量着它。“我只是说，咱们同舟共济。旧秩序对谁都没好处。没有监督者，没有议会。没有基金会。”
"We still need to get by," the big man rumbled. "They need to talk. Work it out. See if they can't fix things."
“我们还得继续过日子，”大个子声音低沉，“他们需要谈话。解决问题。看看能不能把东西修好。”
David chuckled darkly. "What's to fix? Earth is dead. We're barely hanging on. You know what I think they're talking about? How to gas us in our sleep. Euthanasia. A kindness."
David发出阴沉的笑声。“有什么好修的？地球已经死了。我们只是勉强维生。你知道我猜他们在讨论什么吗？如何在我们睡梦中用毒气解决我们。安乐死。一种仁慈。”
Radcliffe shook his head. "You're just sore they didn't include us."
Radcliffe摇摇头。“你只是在不爽他们没让我们加入讨论。”
"Damn right I am." He nudged the glass toward the far edge of the bar, where no bartender stood to nudge it back. "Should be all hands on deck. All hands to the pump. All together, now. Push."
“对啊我就是。”他把玻璃杯推向吧台对面，对面没有酒保推回来。“明明应该全体就位。所有人员前往水泵。就现在，所有人。推。”
And he pushed it over the edge.
他把酒杯推下吧台。
9月23日
"I'm not sure it merits special attention." Bernie knew how it sounded, but he couldn't help that. "Except for the duration, and the unique transmission properties, it doesn't really stand out from the other anomalous effects unleashed by the breach."
“我不确定它值得特别关注。”Bernie明白这话听起来怎么样，但他实在无法控制自己。“除了持续时间和独特的传递特性外，它其实和其他突破产生的异常没什么两样。”
Ngo gave him a wry look across her desk. "So other than the ways in which it's special, it's not special."
Ngo从办公桌对面苦涩地看了他一眼。“所以抛开它的独特之处，它一点也不特别。”
He sighed. "I can't imagine what you went through, Nhung—"
他叹了一口气。“我无法想象你经历了什么，Nhung——”
"You could," she interrupted. "You could take it on yourself."
“你可以，”她打断他。“你可以接受它，感觉一下。”
"Okay," he said, "hold on."
“好，”他说。“你先等等。”
"No." She flexed her jaw in a circle, and winced. It visibly hurt her to go back to regular speech, after all this time in hopeless silence. "You hold on. Listen to me. I'm certain there's more to this anomaly than we've seen already. For one thing, it's duplicating."
“不。”她转了转下巴，皱起眉了头。在经历了漫长的无望沉默后，重新开口说话显然令她痛苦。“你先等等。听我说。我确信这个异常远不止我们目前所见。首先，它在增殖。”
They'd found this out when a speculative broadcast of Clio's request to take on the password had produced a terrified, confused, madly babbling Technician Eddie Simms. There were now two of these portal oubliettes to juggle.
他们是在一次试探性广播中发现的——当Clio请求获取密码时，技术员Eddie Simms惊慌失措、语无伦次地出现了。如今他们必须同时应对两个这样的传送暗牢。
"Sure," he acknowledged. "But Okorie's skin duplicated, too. We were able to isolate it in the wreckage. Wettle's… Wettle, as well. Even some of Nascimbeni's uniform was identifiable in the wreckage. Ectoentropic generation."
“没错，”他承认道，“但Okorie的皮肤也增殖了。我们在残骸中找出来了。Wettle的……Wettle也是。甚至Nascimbeni的部分制服残片也在残骸中再次出现了。反熵生成。”
"But this isn't matter," she insisted. "This is conceptual. Noöspheric."
“但这些不重要，”她坚持。“这是概念性的。理念圈。”
"Maybe you want to talk this over with Placeholder," he frowned. "Do some experiments."
“也许你可以去跟Placeholder聊一聊，”他皱起眉头。“做点实验。”
"I'm surprised you're not more interested. The domain of the mind…"
“你竟然没有更感兴趣。心智领域……”
He shook his head. "It has applications, sure. If we need to silence someone, we can pass it on to them. Of course, they'll just pass it on right back, unless we stop them. And if we can stop them, we don't need to silence them, right?"
他摇摇头。“它有用处。如果我们想让某人闭嘴，就可以传给他们。当然，要是不阻止的话，他们会直接传回来。而如果能阻止，也就不用让他们闭嘴了，对吧？”
"Since when were you only interested in shutting people up?"
“你什么时候只对让人闭嘴感兴趣了？”
He blinked. He stared at her.
他眨眨眼。他瞪着她。
He considered.
他思索着。
"I don't know," he admitted. "Do you?"
“我不知道，”他承认。“你知道吗？”
She seemed taken aback. "Do I what?"
她似乎有些措手不及。“我知道什么？”
"Do you know when I started being so worried about censoring people? It's been on my mind a lot lately." He shifted in his chair. "I'm constantly thinking about how other people might infringe on what I'm trying to do. And when I get ideas… when I come up with new avenues we can try, I don't… I don't really want to tell anyone about it. That's wrong, isn't it?"
“你知道我什么时候开始这么关心审查别人吗？最近我总在想这事。”他挪了挪身子。"我总在想别人可能会侵犯我正在做的事。而当我有了灵感……当我想出新的尝试方向时，我却……我不愿意告诉任何人。这不对吧？”
"It sounds wrong," she agreed. "It sounds like you need a counselling session, to be honest."
“听起来不太对，”她附和。“老实说，听起来你需要心理咨询。”
He smirked at her. "You don't have time to play therapist for every single person in this facility."
他勉强一笑。“你没时间给这里每个人做咨询师。”
"Do I not?" She glanced around the empty office. "And anyway, we're not talking about everybody right now. We're talking about you. If I set your mind at ease, you're capable of doing the same for the rest of us on an enhanced scale."
“没时间吗？”她环视空荡荡的办公室。“反正我们也不是在说所有人。我们说的是你。如果我让你放松下来，你就能大规模让其他人放松。”
He bit the side of his cheek. "So what you're saying…"
他咬了咬嘴。“所以你的意思是……”
She smiled back at him. "Is that you're special. Yes. If I can get you to internalize that, maybe…?"
她对他回以微笑。“你很特别。是的。如果我能让你真正理解这一点，或许……？”
"You don't need to trick me into it, Nhung. You're the Chair of P&P, and the whole damn Section to boot. You want to cycle that thing between personnel, formally, be my guest. I'll even help you draft up the experiment. But it has to be controlled. We don't know what it'll do to people, in the long term. We don't know anything about it, besides the most obvious effects. And then there's the most pressing concern."
“你没必要哄骗我做咨询，Nhung。你可是P&P主席，整个该死的部门都归你管。若你执意要正式让员工轮流使用那玩意儿，完全可以。我甚至可以帮你拟定实验方案。但必须严格控制。我们不知道它对人体的长期影响。除了最显而易见的副作用，我们一无所知。更何况还有最紧迫的隐患——”
"Which is?"
“是什么？”
"The one thing we can't properly abate is a concept."
“我们无法消解理念。”
He couldn't get that out of his head.
他无时无刻不在想这一点。
10月4日
He could barely think straight.
他几乎无法正常思考。
And that was the worst of it, actually. He'd always been able to think. Thinking was where he lived. Everything else he did just bought time for thought. Placeholder McDoctorate and his inner monologue were one and the same. And now…
其实这就是最糟糕的部分。他向来能思考。他以思考为生。他做的其他一切，不过是为思考争取时间罢了。Placeholder McDoctorate和他内心的独白本就是一体两面。而现在……
At first, he'd thought it was sepsis. The wound on his shoulder hadn't healed, of course, and though it hadn't progressed very far before apparently being satisfied with how much flesh it had consumed, it did take away some of the mobility in his arm. Not a lot, just enough for him to notice when he tried to lift something. Or type. Or do any of the many things a two-handed person typically used both of their hands to do.
起初，他以为得了败血症。肩上的伤口当然未愈，虽说它似乎对吞噬的血肉量相当满意，没有进一步侵蚀，但已然夺走了他手臂部分的活动能力。不严重，只是足以让他察觉——当他试图举起物品时，当他敲击键盘时，当他做任何双臂健全者惯用双手完成的事时。
But the infection hadn't noticeably changed in months. The serum had frozen it in place. So that couldn't be the reason why he couldn't focus, his eyes seemed worse, and nothing made any sense anymore.
但感染情况数月来未见明显变化。血清使其不再恶化。因此这不可能是他无法集中精神、视力下降、一切都变得毫无意义的原因。
He pressed his palms into his eyes, and turned away from the Cannon. He couldn't bear to face it, even if he couldn't see it.
他紧紧捂住双眼，转身背对大炮。就算看不见，他没办法面对。
Fixing this shit is my whole existence, and I can't do it. They all expected miracles from him. He was the one who could save them from the horrors. Except he couldn't, because he couldn't even follow the most basic thought all the way to its conclusion.
解决这烂摊子是我生存的唯一意义，但我做不到。他们都希望他能创造奇迹。他能把他们救出这片恐惧。只是他不能，因为他连最简单的思绪都理不清。
He was weeping again. He pressed his face into his sleeve, part of him hoping that wouldn't be good enough. If a tiny Philip Deering — whoever that was — wanted to leap out of the droplets and then onto his eyes and strike him dead, well, that would at least free him from this onerous contract.
他又哭了。他把脸埋进袖子里，有些希望没有这么好。如果有一个小小地Philip Deering——管他是谁——想从泪珠上溜到他眼睛里把他弄死，那至少他就从这重负中解放了。
I don't know these people.
我不认识这些人。
I don't know why I'm here.
我不知道我为什么在这里。
It all seems like a bad joke.
这一切就像一场恶作剧。
And I'm the only one not in on it.
只有我不觉得好笑。
10月7日
Markey was right. It wasn't fair.
Markey说对了。这不公平。
Stewart sat at the bar, his back to the other occupants of the saloon. There were maybe a dozen of them, sitting in sullen little groups, speaking in low voices, or drinking alone.
Stewart坐在吧台边，背对酒吧里的其他人。大概有十几人，几个一组郁郁寡欢地小声说着话，或是独自喝闷酒。
Talking about him.
谈论他。
He shoved Yancy aside. "Get your hands off," he shouted. "I'm with you!"
他推开Yancy。“手拿开，”他吼道。“我跟你是一边的！”
When had he stood up? Crossed the room?
他是什么时候站起来的？什么时候走到对面的？
Caved in a man's face?
什么时候给一个男人的脸来了一拳？
The man stared up at him from the floor, nose flat and gushing. Stewart held his knuckles up to the red light. There was blood on them.
那人倒在地上，抬头看向他，鼻子塌了，流着鼻血。Stewart把手举到红光下。指节上有血。
"Stand down," Yancy growled.
“站住别动，”Yancy低吼着。
"I…" said Radcliffe, and then someone smashed a chair over his head.
“我……”Radcliffe说，然后有人用椅子砸了他的头。
But not very effectively, since he was well over six feet tall. It didn't put him down.
但没什么用，毕竟他身高六英尺多。这一砸没让他倒下。
It just made him angrier than he was confused.
只是让他的愤怒盖过了困惑。
"It's exhaustion," Billie sighed. The fact that she was sighing told Janet everything she needed to know about the doctor's own energy level. "It makes everything worse."
“疲惫，”Billie叹了一口气。她这一声叹息，让Janet立刻明白了这位医生现在的精神状态。“这只会让一切变得更糟。”
They were standing outside the makeshift holding cell, looking at the matte flatscreen monitor displaying the room's contents: half a dozen angry drunks cooling their heels, and one security guard sitting in the corner looking mortified and lonely. Janet wanted to do something, but she wasn't sure what. Tell him something encouraging. Tell him to keep his chin up.
她们站在临时拘留室外面，盯着那台哑光显示器，屏幕上正显示着里面的景象：六七个满脸怒气的醉汉被关在里面醒酒，角落里坐着一名安保人员，一脸郁闷孤单。Janet想做点什么，却不知该从何下手。对他说些鼓励的话。告诉他要挺起胸膛。
Mock him for his weakness.
嘲笑他的软弱。
All those stories about people rising to the occasion, becoming the people the times need them to be. She watched as Billie finished filling out her forms. Apparently bullshit.
那些说什么人们临危不惧、化身时代所需之人的故事。她看着Billie填完表。纯属废话。
"It can't… just be exhaustion," Mukami said when the doctor had clapped her clipboard shut. "Stewart killed a man. I…" She worked her jaw, the way she had to do now whenever she said something longer than a few syllables long. But she was getting better, even if Janet sometimes thought she was likely to burst a blood vessel. "I always thought he'd… never hurt a fly."
“不可能……只是疲惫，”Mukami说，医生啪的一声合上剪贴板。“Stewart杀人了。我……”她动了动下巴，她每次多说几个音节就得这样做。但她能说得更多了，即使Janet有时候觉得她会弄断几根血管。“我一直以为他……连只苍蝇都不会伤害。”
"He says he doesn't remember doing it," Billie shrugged. "And I believe him."
“他说他不记得杀了人，”Billie耸耸肩。“我相信他。”
"So, what?" Janet threw her hands up in disgust. "People are just murdering each other now, if they don't get enough sleep?"
“所以呢？”Janet厌恶地一甩手。“就因为睡不够觉，人们就自相残杀？”
"People have been doing that for centuries," Billie responded levelly.
“人们这样干了几千年，”Billie冷冷地说。
"There used to be a hell of a lot more people." Janet wheeled her chair across the little antechamber, then back again. Just because she couldn't use her legs didn't mean she was going to give up the joys of pacing. "We can't terminate him for this. Not even for murder. There just aren't enough human beings left alive."
“以前世界上的人可比现在多多了。”Janet推着轮椅在小房间里转了一圈。双腿无法动弹并不意味着她就要放弃踱步的乐趣。“我们不能因此事处决他。即便他谋杀别人也不行。毕竟活着的人已经所剩无几了。”
"We'll have to… detain him. For a good long while." Mukami sighed. Perhaps she was on the edge of a breakdown, too. Maybe everyone was. "Janet. We haven't really talked. About enforcement."
“我们得……拘留他。拘留很长一段时间。”Mukami叹了口气。也许她也快撑不住了。也许大家都是如此。“Janet。我们还没好好谈过。关于执法的事。”
Janet nodded curtly. "Combined forces. Joint control."
Janet敷衍地点点头。“合力。协同控制。”
The other woman nodded back. "Works for me."
对方点点头。“我接受。”
Billie looked back and forth between them. "Are you talking about martial law?"
Billie来回看向她们。“你们在说戒严？”
Mukami would have wanted to make some eloquent response about doing what was required to help everyone, but Janet felt it would hurt the woman more to try than to be pre-empted. So she locked eyes with the doctor, and said, simply, "Yes."
Mukami本想以尽己所能帮助大家为借口发表一番慷慨激昂的回应，但Janet觉得，与其让她开口，不如直接打断她，这样反而能少让她难受些。于是她与医生四目相对，简短地回答：“是的。”
And then she blinked.
然后她眨了一下眼。
Billie was gone. Mukami was leaning on the wall, looking dazed. Janet took a deep breath, and tried to focus. "It's happening to me, too."
Billie不见了。Mukami靠在墙上，看起来神智不清。Janet深吸一口气，努力集中注意力。“我也像他一样了。”
The other woman nodded. "It's… going around, alright."
对方点点头。“在……到处发生，对。”
Janet checked her tablet. No new security alerts. Whatever it was, nobody had spotted the cause yet.
Janet看了一眼平板。没有新的安全警报。不管那是什么，还没有人发现原因。
On the monitor, Stewart was weeping into his hands. Janet's throat did something complicated.
屏幕上，Stewart手捂着脸啜泣着。Janet的喉咙复杂地抖了一下。
And apparently, Mukami noticed. "You. Uh." She made a meaningless gesture, then pointed at the screen. "Still?"
显然，Mukami注意到了。“你。呃。”她不知所谓地挥了挥手，随后指向屏幕。“还在？”
Janet considered the screen. "Not really," she said, and she wasn't completely certain it was a lie. "It's just… weird, you know."
Janet看着屏幕思索着。“不是，”她说，她无法确定这是不是谎言。“只是……很怪，你知道的。”
Wordlessly, Mukami shook her head.
Mukami无言以对，只好摇摇头。
"Still being connected to someone. After you drove them away."
“依然与某人相连。在你赶走那东西之后。”（什么谜语啊？）
"Mm." Mukami opened her mouth a few times, starting to say this thing or that, before settling on "Yes." And then with apparent effort: "Do you miss Wettle?"
“嗯。”Mukami张了几次嘴，想说什么都没说出来，最后说“对。”然后付出肉眼可见的努力说：“你想Wettle吗？”
Janet narrowed her eyes. "I don't want to talk about that."
Janet眯起眼。“我不想聊他。”
The other woman nodded. "But."
对方点点头。“但是。”
"But?"
“但是什么？”
"Do you?"
“你想吗？”
Janet surrendered to the inevitable, and added her sigh to the chorus. "Of course I do. And you miss old say-eyes. What about it?"
Janet认命了，也跟着叹了口气。“当然想。你也想念老Nascimbeni了。对不对？”
Mukami stared at the monitor, hard, as though one sort of focus could lend strength to another. "Do you think… that could be it?"
Mukami牢牢凝视着屏幕，仿佛可以凝神将力量传给对方。“你觉不觉得……这会是那个？”
Janet frowned. "What could be what?"
Janet皱起眉头。“什么会是哪个？”
"Is that what's wrong?"
“出错的就是那个吗？”
"With us?"
“我们出的错？”
"With… everything." She swallowed, then swallowed again. "Is it just… what we're missing?"
“所有……出的错。”她咽了口唾沫，马上又咽了一口。“就是……我们丢失的东西？”
2024年
1月16日
This wasn't happening. Not this. Too much.
没有发生这种事。不能是这种。这不好。
"Too much," Joanna screamed. "No! NO!" She grabbed her father by the lapels, hauling his bulk off the floor. "Come back! Come BACK!"
“不能这样，”Joanna尖叫着。“不！不！”她抓着父亲的衣领，把他那魁梧的身躯从地上拽了起来。“回来！快回来！”
Someone touched her, and she screamed and flailed and pushed them away. "No! NO!"
有人碰到了她，她尖叫着，没能推开那人。“不！不！”
"Jo," a familiar voice said. "He's gone."
“Jo，”一个熟悉的嗓音说。“他走了。”
She fell across his chest, clutching him close, still crying out. "No! Come back! Come back!"
她趴到他身上，搂紧他，继续哭喊。“不！回来！回来！”
Billie — it was Billie — reached a hand toward her, and in a fit of rage Joanna clamped her jaw down on the offending fingers. Her friend yelped and pulled her hand back, and Joanna clung to the sensation of skin scraping away between her teeth.
Billie——原来是Billie——向她伸出一只手，Joanna一怒之下，猛地咬住那只招惹她的手。她的朋友痛得尖叫一声，缩回了手，而Joanna则紧咬着牙，沉醉于牙齿间皮肤撕裂的感觉。
"Fuck!" Billie shouted, but Joanna didn't care.
“操！”Billie大叫，Joanna听而不闻。
She lowered him gently to the tiles, then staggered to her feet. "Where are they?" she demanded.
她轻轻把他放到地上，踉踉跄跄站了起来。“他们在哪里？”她问。
The blurry outlines of a pair of security guards were visible at the entrance to the lab. They looked at each other uncertainly.
在实验室门口，隐约可见两名警卫的模糊身影。他们疑惑地面面相觑。
"Where ARE they?" she roared.
“他们在哪里？她怒吼着。
Billie, wrapping her bleeding hand with gauze, responded in a tight voice. "Who?"
Billie一边用纱布包扎流血的手，一边紧绷地问：“谁？”
"WHOEVER DID THIS TO MY DAD!"
“对我父亲干出这种事的人！”
2月3日
Melissa was failing at her job.
Melissa做不好工作。
She was the Chair of Research and Experimentation. That meant she was supposed to oversee the selection, scheduling and execution of every research project undertaken in the Site. In practical terms, this had once meant letting the other Section Chairs manage their people, and managing whoever was left as lightly as possible.
她是研究与实验部主席。这意味着她本应负责监督站点内所有研究项目的遴选、排期与执行。实际上，这曾经意味着让其他部门主席管理各自的人员，而对剩余的人员则能不管就不管。
Now the Chairs were mostly seeking their own satisfaction, and their people had become jealous hermits. Some had formed into little cliques and interest groups, approaching the problem of life in the afterlife from a myriad of directions. Most were entirely reclusive, suspicious, even dangerously resistant to the concept of direction. A lot of it, she figured, had to do with the lighting. Everything looked more sinister in red double vision.
如今，主席们大多只求自我满足，他们的人员则变成了善妒的隐士。有些人结成了小团体，从千百种角度探讨来世。大多数人则完全隐居，心怀猜疑，甚至对“指导”这一概念抱有危险的抵触情绪。她推测，这很大程度上与光线有关。在红色重影中，万物都更显阴森。
She didn't have the muscle to back up her authority, so she preserved it by not pressing it. She was just another wandering master of none, trusting that at least some of her supposed underlings knew what they were doing, and that the combined security forces were making sure nobody got abducted or eviscerated in the meantime.
她无力重掌权力，于是只得不施压来维系仅剩的权威。她不过是又一个无所专长的游荡者，只能相信她所谓的下属中至少有几个人清楚自己在做什么，还有指望联合安保队伍能确保在此期间没人被绑架或活活剥皮。
Right now she was walking through one of the more populated arms of R&E; there were lights on in several of the labs, and the sound of music in the air. She smiled in spite of herself; people always forgot how much harder things were without music.
此刻她走在R&E中居民较多的一个分部；有几个实验室里亮着灯，还有不知何处传来了音乐。她不由自主地笑了；人们总是忘记，没有音乐的日子有多么难过。
Wait.
等等。
She knew this song.
她听过这首歌。
She put her hand to her mouth.
她捂住嘴。
It was coming from everywhere. The overhead speakers, the door controls, the computers in every office. A wistful ballad about loss and longing. About the difference between paradise and perdition. About absence, most of all.
到处都在放歌。头顶的扬声器，门上的控制面板，办公室里的电脑。一首伤感的民谣，诉说着失去与思念。诉说天堂与地狱的差异。最重要的是，诉说着那不在的一切。
It was the song Harry used to play for her on his guitar. Wish You Were Here.
Harry曾经用吉他给她弹过这首歌。Wish You Were Here。
Only the instrumental track. He never could sing.
只有伴奏。他从来不唱。
Melissa took out her tablet. The screen was fully brushed down, and ran on voice interaction only. She called up the switchboard, and got Operations Control after a curious delay. "There's music playing on R&E. Can you tell me wh—"
Melissa拿出平板。屏幕被完全遮住了，靠语音操作。她拨号控制中心，一段奇怪的延迟后接通了。“R&E里在放音乐。能告诉我为——”
"There's music playing everywhere," the operator cut in. He sounded… was he sick? He was sniffling. "All over the Site."
“到处都在放音乐，”操作员打断她。他听起来……他生病了？他在吸鼻子。“全站点都在。”
Melissa heard something break in the lab nearest her, then voices raised in anger from every direction. "What's happening?"
Melissa听到身边的实验室里打碎了什么东西，接着四面八方传来了愤怒的声音。“发生什么了？”
A voice cut in. Del Olmo. "Damping field's gone down."
一个声音插进来。是Del Olmo。“阻隔场失效了。”
Melissa jumped as a chair came soaring into the corridor, clattering against the far wall. Somebody had apparently forgotten about the missing windows. "What damping field?"
一把椅子突然飞进走廊，砸到墙上碎了，Melissa惊得一跳。肯定是有人忘了窗户都没了。“什么阻隔场？”
Del Olmo hesitated. "I was blocking some signals. They're getting in now. It's 6519."
Del Olmo犹豫了一下。“我屏蔽了一些信号。现在屏蔽不了了。是6519。”
"The ghosts?" She turned and headed for her office. She felt exposed. "Bernie, people are getting violent here."
“鬼魂？”她转身走向办公室。她感觉周围毫无遮掩。“Bernie，这里的人越来越暴力了。”
"They're getting violent everywhere." Gwilherm was now on the channel as well. "I thought 6519 was supposed to be all sad songs?"
“到处的人都越来越暴力了。”Gwilherm也加入了频道。“我以为6519都是伤感的歌？”
Melissa thought she heard gunfire on the Chief's end.
Melissa觉得部长那端传来了枪声。
"There's a lot more of them than there used to be," Del Olmo responded. "And they're very angry."
“现在比以前多太多了，“Del Olmo回复。“而且都是非常愤怒的鬼魂。”
Dolly only had one question: "Why did you block the transmissions, instead of studying or neutralizing them?"
Dolly只有一个问题：“你为什么要阻断，而不是研究或是中和那些信号？”
She was less than impressed by the response: "I didn't think of that."
她对回答并不买账：“我没想到。”
Del Olmo had thought of a solution to the riots, however. He'd piped the stun memetics into every safe sector of the Site. Gwilherm was already calling for his head; "You could have handed half our people to the god damn lunatics!"
不过Del Olmo有想过如何解决暴乱。他把致昏模因输送至了站点每一块安全区。Gwilherm已经在要求处决他了：“你差点就把我们一半的人交给那群该死的疯子了！”
"I didn't think of that either," he responded in the voice of a man who could feel his mind going.
“这我也没想到，”他用能感觉到自己神志渐失的声音回答。
3月17日
The I&T grid went down for an hour, and three people died. The moment Clio wasn't quashing bugs, Lillihammer started flooding every feed with kill and control agents. Mukami only barely managed to tranq Yancy, and it took Alis an entire day to get him sane again.
I&T停电了一个小时，三个人死了。Clio一停止修bug，Lillihammer就开始向每一段信号输送抹杀触媒和控制触媒。Mukami好不容易才给Yancy注射了镇静剂，Alis则花了一整天才让他恢复神志。
Well before that, they'd found the source of the outage.
在那之前很早，他们就发现了断电的原因。
The server room was sweltering; thaumic power and demonics ran hot, and air cooling was more sustainable than water. Eileen Veiksaar's corpse was tangled in the wreckage of a server rack, a gaping hole in her sweat-soaked stomach, ribs exposed and entrails scattered all over the floor. Chuck Carter was a few feet away, face florid, blood vessels popped, eyes bugged out and staring.
机房酷热难耐；奇术与恶魔学电源热得发烫，而风冷比水冷更加可持续。Eileen Veiksaar的尸体缠在服务器机架的残骸中，她被汗水浸透的腹部有个大洞，肋骨外露，内脏散落一地。Chuck Carter就在几英尺外，面色通红，血管突出，眼睛大瞪盯着前方。
"I'm surprised they were able to get up the urge," Navickas said flatly.
“真没想到他们竟然起得了欲望，”Navickas平静地说。
"I'm annoyed that Phil obeys slasher movie rules." Janet rolled over to Carter, noting the imprint of claw marks on his throat. "Even if it's redundant, telling everyone not to screw is bound to be bad for morale."
“Phil居然按恐怖片的套路来，真烦人。”Janet凑到Carter边上，注意到他喉咙上的爪痕。“就算多此一举，告诉大家别搞那种事也肯定会打击士气。”
After that, people simply stopped walking the halls. This had the effect of making them less safe than ever.
此后，人们不再巡逻走廊。这让他们面临前所未有的危险。
The 001 sub-anomaly field was becoming crowded. -A's murder spree was now outrageous enough that they'd opened a file just for him, SCP-8956, not that they could upload it to SCiPnet. Not that there would have been any point, if they could. -B, the forty-one character excoriation of Dougall Deering that made people forget who you were, still had no obvious counter. -C, the ever-hungry Lake Huron, was locked in mortal battle with the surrounding bedrock; the Site shook night and day now, and it was all Ambrogi's diminished workforce could do to keep the walls and the floors and ceilings from falling in. -D, the bedrock itself, was still crushing the life out of them in its endless quest to find something which no longer existed. Amelia's efforts to hold back the latter were at least bearing fruit, and the second breach had given her a lot more material to work with. But now there was talk of recategorizing the musical messages from the great beyond as -E, since they had acquired a more sinister, infuriating note, and it had become clear there was nothing which the recurrent paradox wavefront could not pervert.
001子异常越来越多了。-A的杀戮行径越发骇人，以至于他们为它单写了一份文档，也就是SCP-8956，虽说也发不到SCiPnet上面，虽说一点意义也没有。-B——痛斥Dougall Deering的四十一个字符——会让人们忘记你，而且依然没有应对措施。-C——饥饿不已的休伦湖——陷入了与周围基岩的永恒战斗；如今站点日日夜夜都在颤抖，Amelia缩水了的员工团队为了不让墙壁、地板和天花板倒塌，只能做到如此，-D——基岩本身——仍在苦苦寻觅早已作古的某人，顺带碾碎一条条生命。至少Amelia成功阻拦了它，而且第二场突破给了她更多可用的材料。不过还有人讨论要把来自冥界的音乐重分类为-E，因为它们变得更加邪恶、更让人恼火，此外，显而易见的是，没有什么是反复出现的悖论波不能腐化的。
In short, it was now understood that this catalogue of horrors had no final issue. The psychological effect of that knowledge was both predictable and unavoidable.
简而言之，这份恐怖清单永无止境。知晓此事的心理效应显而易见且无法避免。
A few weeks after Del Olmo stunned the surviving population, the riots resumed as covertly as riots could. Mobs of researchers started patrolling their turfs, raiding unoccupied labs and putting up barricades.
Del Olmo震晕幸存人员几周后，暴乱又出现了，只是更加隐秘。几群研究员开始在他们的地盘上巡逻，洗劫无人实验室，设起路障。
A few days after Veiksaar and Carter were found, people started locking themselves in their dorms, weeping in public, or simply sitting or lying down in the now-deserted corridors and refusing to get back up. Gwilherm had already lost an agent when he tripped over a recumbent technician, slid off the boards, and fell straight through a piece of wall the sand-men had missed. 8956 tore him up like a cheese grater and spat him out in Dougall's empty dorm room. Like an offering. Or an offer of lunch.
找到Veiksaar与Carter几天后，人们要么缩在宿舍里，要么当众哭泣，还有的在空荡荡的走廊里或坐或躺，不肯起来。Gwilherm已经损失了一名特工——他被一个躺着的技术员绊倒，刚好摔在一面漏了没磨花的墙上。8956像擦丝器一样把他擦碎了，又吐进了Dougall的空宿舍里。就像贡品offering或是午餐邀请offer。
A few days of incidents like that, and there was no point in trying to assert order. The bar fight, the incitement to despair from beyond the grave, the factionalism, the attrition, it was all too much. Bulkhead after bulkhead slammed down. Fiefdoms were established. Borders. Militia.
一连几天都发生了这种事故，维持秩序想也别想。酒吧混战、逝者煽动的绝望、派系斗争、持久消耗，重担太多太多了。一扇扇隔板降下。各方割据。边境。军队。
Everything but international relations.
一切都齐了，只是没有外交活动。
Reuben watched Amelia Torosyan leading a convoy of technicians into J&M with all the equipment they could carry. Polly Mataxas leading a gaggle of junior researchers in a speculative ritual to propitiate the thaumic bloom in T&T, since it was giving off enough Akiva energy to qualify as a god now. Dolly Ferber hopelessly exhorting her small band of loyalists to hold the line. Xinyi Du and Placeholder hunkering down over their work in QS, as if there could still be a scientific solution to the madness sweeping the Site. Billie Forsythe turning H&P into a nihilistic drug den. Sokolsky — Sokolsky! of all people! — setting up aid stations between the bulkheads, distributing food and other vital resources freely from his base in M&C.
Reuben看着Amelia Torosyan领着一队技术员走进了J&M，带走了所有拿得动的设备。Polly Mataxas带着一群初级研究员，可能组成了仪式团队，去安抚T&T里的奇术火山(？)，毕竟以它辐射的阿基巴能量，足以称之为神了。Dolly Ferber绝望的劝告仍忠于她的人坚持下去。Xinyi Du与Placeholder在QS低调地继续研究，仿佛能用科学方法解决席卷全站点的疯狂。Billie Forsythe把H&P弄成了虚无主义者的毒窝。Sokolsky——Sokolsky！竟然是他！——在隔板间设起救助站，从他在M&C的基地里拿出食物等重要资源，免费分发。
None of it meant anything. And Reuben thought that was simply glorious.
一切皆无意义。Reuben觉得很有意思。
"Aren't you going to do something about it?" Melissa demanded. She was helping Sokolsky; her conscience had survived too much trauma to give up now.
“你不准备做些什么吗？”Melissa质问。她在帮Sokolsky；经受那么多创伤，她的良知仍存，现在放弃太可惜了。
He shrugged. "Why bother? Deconstruction is neither good nor bad. It just is."
他耸耸肩。“何必费心呢？抱团不好也不坏，只是发生了。”
That was the last he saw of her for a while.
这就是一段时间里他最后一次见到她。
He did see Joanna Bremmel, however, leading a small contingent of younger personnel to the AAF-F airlock. Blank and Lillihammer welcomed them with open arms.
他倒是见到了Joanna Bremmel，她当时领着一小帮年轻人走向AAF-F(D？)气闸。Blank与Lillihammer敞开双臂迎接他们。
Because, of course, they'd known this was going to happen.
因为他们当然知道会发生这种事。
Things fall apart, Reuben thought as he watched the airlock door swing shut. On their own, or with a little help.
万物分崩离析，Reuben边想边看着气闸门关闭。自己崩溃，或是加上一点帮手。
And what was the difference, really?
说真的，又有什么区别呢？
He picked up a brick — where had that come from? perhaps there was always a brick at times like these — and joined in the scrum without particular enthusiasm.
他捡起一块砖——这玩意儿从哪儿来的？也许这种时候总会有块砖——没什么热情地加入了破坏的人群。
4月19日
He was fighting a losing battle.
他在战斗中渐渐失利。
Romolo walked the silent halls, pushing his cart of tools and equipment and checking off items on a nearly endless list. When he reached the end, he was going to loop back around to the start. For as long as it took.
Romolo走在寂静的走廊上，推着装满工具设备的手推车，检修无穷无尽的各种东西。走到头之后，他又会绕回开头。就这么走下去。
Which was probably going to be forever, so, yes. He couldn't win. But he couldn't give up, either.
也许会走到永远，所以啊。他赢不了。但也不能放弃。
"We built this together," his uncle told him. "You can't let it fall apart."
“这是我们一起建造的，”他叔叔告诉他，“你可不能让它荒废了。”
Romolo nodded. He checked the soldering at every junction. The stress on every member. Scraped rust where he found it — it was harder to see when everything already looked rusty — and painted it with whatever colours were to hand, since it barely mattered. He was running so many diagnostics across the Site that his custom work tablet was starting to lag as it struggled to keep up with the data streams pouring in. He was customizing every screen in the facility he could access, installing e-reader panels which mimicked the texture of paper and reflected nothing. He was doing all that, and it wasn't enough.
Romolo点点头。他检查每一处焊缝。每个部件上的应力。磨去发现的每一块锈迹——在铁锈色的灯光下很难看清——再刷上手边随便什么颜色的油漆，毕竟颜色无关痛痒。他在站点各处做各种诊断，输入的数据多到他定制的工作平板都卡了起来。他改造了每一块他碰到的屏幕，安装上电子书屏幕，这样就不会反光了。他做了这一切，却仍然不够。
"But it has to be," his uncle pressed. "You can't let it fall apart."
“但你必须做下去，”他叔叔催促。“你可不能让它荒废了。”
Romolo didn't need to be told. It hurt him physically every time he found another piece of machinery had broken down. He'd been reduced to tears when he discovered a welding job Azad Banerjee had done years ago was starting to separate. He'd lost a day of productivity when his uncle's home-made desk had acquired a wobble.
不用说Romolo也知道。每次找到又一台损坏的机器，都让他痛彻心扉。有一次，他发现多年前Azad Banerjee焊接的部位开裂了，他哭了起来。还有一次，他叔叔亲手制作的桌子放不稳了，他一整天都没心情干正事。
He was fighting a losing battle with himself.
他在与自我的战斗中渐渐失利。
And he was fighting it alone. The other technicians had mostly given up. The only one still reliably doing anything was Amelia, and she was busy establishing her own little queendom. Romolo kept expecting one of the factions to interrupt his work, or kidnap him, but it never happened.
他在独自战斗。其他技术员大都放弃了。唯一还能干事的是Amelia，她忙着建立自己的王国。Romolo一直希望能有一方势力来干扰他工作，或是绑架他，但这从未发生。
They were content to let him fail himself to death. The fatalistic tech-priest of Site-43, praying to the past for their salvation.
他们满意地放任他失败致死。Site-43的技术员兼牧师听天由命，向过去祈祷救赎。
7月12日
First order of business had been getting the Cannon back in operation.
首要任务是让大炮重新运转起来。
He wasn't sure what use it might be — it still gave him pangs of panic to think of how his work had been perverted for its christening — but it was still the most audacious card they had to play, so he knuckled down. With the help of Du and the DUAL Core, he was able to develop a theory of thaumic echo allowing them to tap into the fact of energy rather than energy itself, meaning that as long as Ambrogi's plant hadn't been erased from causality, the causality-reinforcing device could still tap into the temporal resonance of its output. After that turned out to work — somehow — it was just a matter of repairs.
他不确定有什么用处——一想起他的作品如何扭曲了自己的诞生时刻，他便得心痛不已——但这仍然是他们最大胆的一步棋，所以他还是下了。在Du和DUAL核心的帮助下，他提出了一个关于奇术回声的理论，这让他们得以钻研能量的实在而非能量本身，也就是说，只要Ambrogi的发电站没有在因果中消失，因果强化设备就能连上电力输出在时间中的回响。在这不知为何起效之后，剩下的工作就只有维修了。
Which mostly meant sneaking around and stealing things.
基本是说到处偷偷摸摸顺东西。
Which mostly meant employing Alis.
基本是说派出Alis。
Dougall's girlfriend had vanished after the final splintering. She showed up occasionally to help where it was needed, but mostly she seemed to be wandering. Untethered. Place sometimes felt he ought to say something in consolation, but he couldn't imagine what.
Dougall的女朋友在分裂割据局面形成后就消失了。偶尔她会出现在需要帮助的地方，但大多数时候似乎只是在游荡，无拘无束。Place有时觉得应该说点安慰的话，但想不出该说什么。
He was a bad liar, and he'd hated Dougall Deering.
他不会说谎，而且恨极了Dougall Deering。
Once the Cannon was probably functioning again — only probably, because neither Place nor Du was willing to actually use it — they turned their focus to the recurrent breach. Place wrote worse this year on the chalkboard he'd lifted from Bremmel, and tapped it. "Why?"
有一次，大炮似乎又能用了——只是似乎，因为Place和Du都不想试用——于是他们转而关注不断发生的突破。以前Place从Bremmel那里拿过来了一块黑板，现在他在上面写下今年更遭，敲了敲。“为什么？”
Du shook his head. "Was it worse, or only different?"
Du摇摇头。“是更糟了，还是仅仅是不同了？”
"Clio?"
“Clio？”
The .aic responded through the overhead speakers. "Stochastic analysis reveals notable increases in effectual severity across multiple metrics, when accounting for topical variance it's getting hot in here."
.aic用头顶的扬声器回答：“对多项数据的随机分析表明有效损害存在增长，若考虑局部方差这里好热啊。”
Place winced. Veiksaar had managed to get Clio closer to factory settings than he and Carter had, since she'd set those settings, and written the code to boot, but there was still more than a little noise in there. And it wasn't going to get any better going forward. Like most things. "Okay. So, why? Self-reinforcement?'
Place缩了一下。Veiksaar比他和Carter更成功地让Clio恢复到了接近出厂设置的状态——毕竟一开始就是她设置的，是她写的代码——但还是有一点噪声。而且以后也不会变好。就像很多东西。“好的。那么为什么？自我加强？”
Du shook his head. "Not likely. Everything we've seen suggests that the new breach is selfsame with the original, only worse. It can't be interacting with itself."
Du摇摇头。“不大可能。我们所见的一切都说明，新的突破与最初那场一致，只是更糟糕。它不可能与自己相互作用。”
Place nodded. "Then there's really only one thing it can be interacting with."
Place点点头。“那就只有一个东西能与突破相互作用了。”
7月13日
Alis was useful once again. Nobody else could slip past the barricades and issue each invitation.
Alis又派上用场了。没有别人能越过路障分发邀请函。
They met in the C&C boardroom, long since declared neutral diplomatic territory. Place, and the vectors he'd identified.
他们在主席与部长会议室会面，因为此地早已被定为中立外交区。Place与他确认的关键人物。
There were seven of them.
有七人。
"We didn't stop the breach," Del Olmo objected. "Didn't even come close."
“我们没有阻止突破，”Del Olmo反对。“勉强阻止都没有。”
"If anything," Ambrogi agreed, "we made it worse."
“如果说我们做了什么的话，”Ambrogi附和，“那就是让事情更糟了。”
"I don't think anything I did even mattered," said Gwilherm.
“我做的事没什么重要的，”Gwilherm说。
Place nodded at each, then paused, and shook his head. "You all affected the outcome."
Place向每人点一下头，然后停下，摇了摇头。“你们都影响了结果。”
"Badly," Markey grumbled.
“负面影响，”Markey咕哝着。
"We blew everything up." Wirth was dead-eyed. "Twice."
“我们把东西炸飞了。”Wirth神色麻木。“炸了两次。”
Mukami said nothing.
Mukami什么都没说。
"I just…" Radcliffe shook his head. "I mean, I tried to do better. The second time."
“我只是……”Radcliffe摇摇头。“我是说，我想做得更好。第二次的时候。”
Place smiled at him. Smiling felt alien. "And you'll do even better this time. Trust me."
Place向他微笑，笑起来的感觉很陌生。“这次你会做得格外好。相信我。”
Mukami gritted her teeth. "Plan?"
Mukami磨了磨牙。“计划？”
"We take it scientifically." He drew a deep breath. "We need a control year."
“我们要按科学方法来。”他深吸一口气。“我们需要一年做对照组。”
9月8日
It went against all their instincts.
一切都与直觉相悖。
The security personnel naturally wanted to clamp down harder. The scientists wanted to find a better solution. The technicians wanted a fix. But they reluctantly agreed to try it his way.
自然，安保人员想要更严肃地应对。科学家想找到更好的办法。技术员想修复错误。但他们还是不情不愿地答应按他说的做。
They staged a re-enactment.
他们要重演历史。
AAF-D melted down. (Mukami wanted to save the turncoats, but she didn't.) The lake rose up. (Gwilherm wanted to send someone to check on AAF-A while it was briefly accessible, but she didn't.) The top sublevels were lost. (Ambrogi and Markey and Del Olmo and Wirth didn't want to hit the buttons, but they did.) Lillihammer called in for directions.
AAF-D熔化了。（Mukami想救下那些叛徒，但她没有。）湖升起了。（Gwilherm想趁F-A可进入的短暂时机派个人去看看，但她没有。）站点顶层失陷了。（Ambrogi、Markey、Del Olmo还有Wirth不想按下按钮，但他们按了。）Lillihammer呼叫请求指路。
Radcliffe, mostly just happy to be out of detention, had no trouble giving her the wrong ones this time.
Radcliffe主要想着不用被关禁闭了，所以心安理得地指了错路。
In Operations Control, Ferber watched on the monitor as she and Blank cheerfully ignored them.
控制中心里，Ferber看着监控，看见Lillihammer和Blank开心地无视了他们。
Joanna Bremmel blew apart like a firecracker, and Lillian swanned through the tumbling scraps of flesh on her way to the concentration cell. She caught Harry's hands, and they danced to the rhythm of Radcliffe's increasingly frantic misdirections. Her skin hardened, and his skin split, and they laughed in the heart of the storm.
Joanna Bremmel像鞭炮一样炸开了，Lillian跨过翻滚的肉块，走向浓缩室。她牵上Harry的手，他们随着Radcliffe愈发慌乱的错误指路起舞。她的皮肤变硬，他的皮肤裂开，他们在风暴中心欢笑。
Place walked out of the washroom, and froze.
Place走出洗手间，僵住了。
He'd packed the repaired Cannon away in room where Dougall had died, and locked the door. He had the only key now, because he'd redesigned the lock again.
他把修好的大炮放在了Dougall死去的房间里，锁好了门。只有他有钥匙，因为他又换了门锁。
A play of light and shadow crept beneath the door.
门缝下透出变幻的光影。
Someone was in there.
有人在里面。
Someone was using the Cannon.
有人在用大炮。
It took him too long to fumble with his pockets. The custom lock was too complex. His hands were shaking. He couldn't see the keyhole. The blur was worse than ever.
他花了太多太多时间翻找口袋。特制锁太复杂。他的手颤抖不已。他看不清锁眼。视线前所未有的模糊。
He got in just in time to see Dougall Deering at the table, eyes locked on the spinning Cannon.
他开门时，刚好看见Dougall Deering在桌前凝视着旋转的大炮。
Just in time to watch him die.
刚好看见他死去。
They found him gibbering in the corner, clawing the flesh off his own cheeks. The Cannon was in pieces all around. He had grease on his fingers, and he was getting it in the wounds.
他们发现他缩在角落里，语无伦次地抓挠着脸，抓出一道道血痕。大炮碎片散落一地。他手指上有油污，他把油污蹭到了伤口里。
Janet considered the corpse, which Place had flung into the corner of the room and covered with his labcoat.
房间角落里有一具尸体，是Place推过去盖上实验袍的，Janet思索了一会儿。
"More fertilizer," she remarked.
“又多了点肥料，”她说。
Alis walked out of the lab, in a daze. She didn't know where she was going. She didn't care.
Alis恍恍惚惚地走出了实验室。她不知道要去哪里。她不在乎。
Something touched her, and she hoped for a moment that it had talons…
有什么东西碰了碰她，她希望那东西有爪子……
It was only Ngo. "Hey."
只是Ngo。“嘿。”
Alis stared at her.
Alis盯着她。
"Do you want to talk about it?"
“你想谈谈吗？”
Alis slapped her.
Alis扇了她一巴掌。
The psychologist nodded. "That's also an option."
心理学家点点头。“这样也行。”
And she cracked her knuckles.
她掰了掰指关节。
Mukami liked to keep the lights on low. It was good security protocol, in case any reflective surfaces had snuck their way into the briefing room. But that wasn't the reason.
Mukami喜欢调暗灯光。这条安保协议很有用，以防万一有什么反光的东西出现在会议室里。但主要原因不是这个。
She didn't like to see people's faces when they couldn't understand her speaking.
她不喜欢看见人们听不懂他说话的表情。
Yancy delivered his report to what must have been, from his perspective, a darker blot on a dark background. "Placeholder thinks it means Deering is one of them now. The word he used was 'incorporated'."
Yancy的身影是暗色背景下一块更暗的形状，他报告了他视角下的事情经过。“Placeholder认为这意味着Deering也是他们的一员。他原话是‘被吸纳了’。”
Mukami nodded. "Okay."
Mukami点点头。“好。”
He kept going. "Deering was alive for about six minutes. He put some stuff in the locker where the Cannon was, turned it on, and… well, you know the rest. Same as last year."
他继续说。“Deering存活了大约刘分钟。他把什么东西放进了放大炮的储物室，启动大炮，然后……嗯，后面你都知道，跟去年一样。”
Except it wasn't the same as last year, was it?
只是不完全跟去年一样，不是吗？
Last year I thought I was getting better.
去年我以为我在恢复。
Last year I thought I'd finally seen the last of Dougall Deering.
去年我以为那是最后一次见Dougall Deering。
Last year I only killed my husband accidentally.
去年我只是不小心杀了我丈夫。
She didn't say any of these things.
她什么都没有说。
Because what would be the point?
因为有什么意义呢？
They'd never had a funeral for Dougall. They didn't have one this time, either.
他们从没有为Dougall办过葬礼。这次也没办。
They just dumped his remains in the massive compost heap which had once been the Habitation and Sustenance office staff, and watched it consume him with an almost human ravening.
他们只是把他的遗骸扔进了曾经是宜居性与生命维持保障部职员的堆肥堆里，看着尸堆几乎像是狼吞虎咽地把它吞噬了。
The first time, Place had asked Alis if she wanted to say a few words.
Place破天荒地问Alis想不想说点什么。
Given the words she'd chosen then, he didn't ask again.
听了她说的话，他再也没问过。
9月16日
"That about does it." David flicked the switch, and the server revved up. "Take a while to get the results."
“差不多够了，”David拨动开关，服务器运转起来。“等会儿就出结果。”
It took three hours. It had taken an almost a week to acquire the data, and Place had had to fight tooth and nail to ensure it was collected in the first place. Everyone's instincts were wrong. They were trying to fix the damage, heal the injured, restore everything to functionality as quickly as possible. They didn't have time to take full measure of the disasters they were correcting. But they had to.
等了三个小时。收集数据花了快一周，而且Place拼尽全力才能确保第一时间记录下数据。大家的直觉都错了。人们想尽快修复损坏，治疗伤者，让一切恢复运作。他们没有时间全面评估他们应对的灾难。但必须这样做。
Because they had to know if the control year had yielded any results.
因为他们必须知道对照年有什么结果。
The results, when they came, were not encouraging.
结果并不令人振奋。
"But they're not discouraging, either." Place forced a smile at the little assembly. "More damage was done this year, on average. But the increase isn't nearly as bad as it was last time."
“但也不算扫兴。”Place对人群挤出笑容。“平均来说，今年受损的东西更多了。但上升程度远不及去年。”
"That's not good enough," Gwilherm snapped immediately. "We don't need this to be only gradually less awful. We need it to stop being awful entirely."
“那还不够好，”Gwilherm历声接过话头。“我们需要的是不是恶化更慢。我们需要完全不恶化。”
"Or just stop," Wirth muttered darkly.
“停止恶化也行，”Wirth悲观地咕哝。
Place raised a hand. "No, let me finish. This is good news."
Place举起一只手。“停，让我说完。这是好消息。”
"How?" Radcliffe asked.
“怎么会？”Radcliffe问。
"Blank and Lillihammer didn't respond to your instructions, Stewart. But the others did exactly what they did back in the first breach." And more than that, they remembered doing so. As far as Wirth was concerned, he'd flash-fried his friends three years in a row, without missing one in the middle. Place doubted he would very much miss the trauma; the rest of them were still trying to come to grips with the way the resurrected archivists, packed away safely in their dorms while their boss activated the charges that had once obliterated them, had all vanished the moment he did so. "That tells me something. It tells me the dead go through the motions, and the living don't. The minor increase in breach damage—"
“Blank和Lillihammer没有听你的指路，Stewart。但其他人的行为与第一次突破时完全一致。”还不止如此，他们记得曾经这样做过。Wirth认为他连续三年把他的朋友们烤熟了，一个也没落。Place怀疑他会很想念这份创伤；其他人还在回味——他们把复活的档案员塞进了安全的宿舍里，而在他们的老板启动爆弹的那一刻，他们都消失了。“这说明了一件事。这说明死者会按流程走，而生者不会。突破导致的破坏有些许增长——”
"Minor," Del Olmo growled. "Are you including the liquefaction of Joanna Bremmel and her friends in that analysis?"
“些许，”Del Olmo怒吼道。“你算上液化的Joanna Bremmel和她朋友了吗？”
"Yes," Place replied flatly. That shut them up. "Who lives and dies is immaterial. It's all up in the air. It's all contingent. In one respect, only one respect, Dougall Deering had a point. It is possible to change the past." He placed both hands over his report, as though drawing strength from its inescapable conclusions. "The only reason the damage was worse this year, despite our improvements, is that Blank and Lillihammer survived again."
“算上了，”Place平静地回答。堵上了他们的嘴。“生死并不重要。一切皆无定数。一切都视情况而变。有一点，只有一点，Dougall Deering说对了。过去的确可以改变。”他把双手放到报告上，仿佛在从那不可逃避的结论中汲取力量。“我们进步了，破坏却依然。更严重的唯一原因，是Blank和Lillihammer又生还了。”
"You're saying…" Ambrogi swallowed. "You're saying we need to—"
“你是说……”Ambrogi咽了口唾沫。“你是说我们得——”
Mukami gripped the sides of the table. "Kill them."
Mukami攥住桌沿。“杀了他们。”
Place nodded.
Place点了点头。
"And what will that get us?" Markey demanded.
“这对我们有什么好处？”Markey追问。
"If I'm right?" Place made eye contact with each of them sequentially. "It will get us incrementally closer to home."
“如果我想的没错？”Place依次看向每一双眼睛。“这会让我们一点一点回到家。”
